‘No,honestly.’
‘Hmm.’
Lilyreallywanted to go to bed. Maybe she could get away with dancing to just one or two songs now. And, yes, perfect, the next song that came on was a slow one.
‘I’mreallytired,’ she shouted to Aaliyah, who was hobble-swaying with some of Tess’s work friends. ‘I’m going to go to bed now.’ Then she turned to Felix. ‘I think it’s time for you to drag Alfredo away from the bar. I’m going to bed. Soooo tired.’
‘You’re right. It is. We’ll both see you tomorrow for our photo session.’ They’d agreed that they were going to meet at twelve tomorrow for Lily to help them with some photo curation. ‘Sleep well.’
She blew kisses at Felix and Aaliyah and then turned to leave, colliding in the throng of tall people swirling around them with someone large as she was leaving the courtyard. Matt. Ironically, this had been about the first time all evening that she hadn’t known almost exactly where he was at any given moment. Talk about behaving like a lovesick teenager, honestly. Such a good thing that within the next few seconds she’d be saying goodbye to him for the foreseeable future. Maybe forever.
‘Oops, sorry,’ he said. ‘You alright? You’re obviously a lightweight like me, making a dash for it as soon as decently possible after the bride and groom have left.’
‘Yep,sooootired,’ Lily said. Her heart was beating so loudly at the hugeness of this moment – the last time she was going to see Matt for a while, maybe ever – that maybehecould hear it. ‘Probably because of all that hiking in the mud this morning.’
He smiled at her and she found herself smiling back. His face was so familiar. But also changed with age.He’dchanged, it seemed. He’d always been so open when they were young. Now there was a slight wariness about him. Not all the time, but she’d caught it every so often over the past couple of days. Like the way he was looking at her now; his eyebrows were a little raised and his smile was a tiny bit lopsided. When they were younger, from the very first moment they’d met, he’d just directed wide, happy smiles at her. Until the end of their relationship. Right now, he looked – she didn’t know how she’d describe it – maybe slightly cynical, less trusting. Maybe because of his divorce. Maybe a little because of her, Lily, how their relationship had ended. God, she hoped not.
She reallywanted to reach up and touch his face, trace the line of his cheekbone. It felt utterly heartbreaking that she had no right to do so any more.
There’d been silence between them for too long.
‘It’s been a wonderful evening, hasn’t it?’ she said.
Matt drew a deep breath, like she’d brought him back from somewhere else. ‘Yep, fantastic. Fitting, because they’re a fantastic couple.’
‘They really are.’ Lily nodded, far too over-enthusiastically. His last memory of her – if he ever thought of her again – would be of her head bobbing up and down crazily. She stopped the nodding. And now she had her head completely still. Was that normal? To be so still? Now she was acting like she was playing musical statues. What waswrongwith her? ‘So, it’s been great to see you,’ she said. ‘Goodbye.’
‘Are you walking back to the hotel by yourself?’
‘Yep. Meg’s with Pythagoras, and Aaliyah says she’s going to be the last woman standing – or hobbling – if it kills her because tomorrow at the crack of dawn she’s flying home to her family and tonight she wants to make the most of dancing on an island like she’s footloose and fancy-free. I think she might just stay up all night.’ And Lily would have carried on dancing with her if she hadn’t been so full of not-very-happy thoughts about Matt.
Matt laughed. ‘Sounds slightly scary.’
‘She said she’s going to bear her husband and kids in mind and not actually follow through with any footloose and fancy-free stuff.’
‘Good news. Right. Walk with me? I’m going past your hotel.’
‘Great.’ The sad thing was, it did seem great, because it turned out that she just really wanted to grab a few more final crumbs of time with Matt.
‘Look at that gorgeous clear night now the rain’s gone again.’ Matt pointed up at the star-filled sky. ‘Always mind-blowing seeing skies like this when you’re normally in London. Also mind-blowing that the sky’s like this now when you think about the storm this morning and the rain earlier.’
‘I know. I still can’t believe that happened. It’s so amazingly still now. And silent. It’s like we’re the only two people in the world.’ What? Why had she said that? It sounded like the biggest come-on of all time.
‘Yeah.’ Matt paused, and then suddenly said, ‘Lily, I…’ like he was blurting the words out. And then nothing.
It seemed obvious that he wanted to pursue the conversation they’d been in the middle of yesterday evening. She knew that they weren’t right for each other, because he wanted, needed, someone different from her. And she didn’t want to talk about that, but, actually, it wouldn’t really hurt given that they weren’t going to see each other again. He was a nice person, a good person, and if he was still hung up after eight years on why they’d split up, then maybe the least she could do was tell him in more detail. She’d betempted, while they were at it, to ask why he’d thought he’d loved her if he could move on so quickly and marry someone else so soon afterwards. But actually she didn’t need to go there. And it wasn’t like there was only one soulmate for each person, was it? So clearly he’d just met someone else he really loved straight after he and Lily split and that was that. Clearly.Totallyunderstandable, and entirely his right.
Okay, so if he still wanted to talk, she’d talk. And then they’d say goodbye and whatever she’d said wouldn’t matter.
‘Yes?’ she asked.
‘Just. I…’ He stopped again, and then said, ‘Shall we walk along the beach? If you can do it footwear-wise? Slightly quicker and great view at night?’
Yep. Why not?
‘Good plan.’ The beach was only a few metres away and seconds later they were both taking their shoes off. ‘Oof.’ Lily wiggled her toes in the fine sand. ‘Can’t believe I danced so much in these shoes.’
‘I can’t imagine walking even a few feet in shoes like that,’ Matt said as he pulled off his socks. ‘I think I’m going to have to do some trouser leg rolling.’
