‘You don’t want another kitchen fire.’ Declan nodded. ‘What aboutwe cook together?’
Properly awake now, Poppy felt her eyes grow hot and moist. If only everything was okay and theycouldcook together. But, again,whywas he suggesting it? They’d literally never once actually done that. They did lots of nice things together, but not cooking.
‘Why don’t I cook while you watch TV?’ she said.
‘I’d feel guilty,’ he told her.
‘Guilty?’ Of what, though? ‘Guilty?’ She could feel her heart rate picking up. ‘Wow.’
Declan stared at her for a long moment and then said, ‘Thanks for cooking,’ and walked out of the room. A few seconds later, she heard the TV come on.
Right.
She had some thinking time while she was making carbonara for them.
She’d nearly blurted out there and then that she knew about his affair.
Did shewantto do that, though?
She needed to think more first.
She had to consider Daniel.
If it had been a short affair, begun since they got back to England, and Declan promised to stop now, could she get over it? Move on? Trust him again? Rebuild their relationship?
She wasn’t sure. Probably not.
She stuck a knife viciously into an onion.
She should make sure that she was completely certain before she did anything irrevocable.
She shouldn’t say anything until she knew for definite what she wanted. And she should also – if she could – find out exactly what had happened before she confronted him.
In the meantime, she needed to try to act a little more normally around him.
‘Let’s startSuccession?’ Declan suggested, when she told him that the carbonara was ready. They’d been saying for months and months that they wanted to see what everyone had raved about when it came out, but they’d never found the time to watch it.
‘Okay.’ She forced a smile out. ‘Good idea.’
It was good TV, at least.
‘This is nice,’ Declan said to her at the end of the first episode, moving towards her and hugging her.
‘Yep,’ she said.
‘I love you.’ He lifted his hand and gently turned her face towards his and leaned to kiss her.
Poppy allowed herself to kiss him back for a second. If he remembered how good they’d always been together maybe that would cause him to rethink. Maybe he’d just had a moment of madness. Maybe everything could be okay.
The kiss continued somehow, and she began to feel her whole body sigh into it.
It was actually lovely. Long and deep. She could feel Declan’s body responding as much as her – traitorous – one was. Good. He needed to know what he was missing.
‘Poppy.’ His voice had gone hoarse and her whole bodyzingedat the sound of it. That was the way he always used to sound when they were about to have sex, and he was desperate for her and she for him. She missed that. So much, actually. She missedhim. If onlythings could be the way they’d always been. If only he hadn’t done whatever he’d done.
‘Declan.’ She moved her body against him and pushed one of her hands into his lovely thick hair and pulled his head back to hers. Maybe she could have sex with him. Remind him.
And then she froze. Because he was unbuttoning her bra. And, no, she couldn’t. Her huge, milk-filled boobs. What if theyleaked? What if he kissed her there and tasted milk and, no, eurgh, she just couldn’t. And, actually, what was she thinking? She couldn’t get naked in front of him. He’d be repulsed by all her new flab that she just couldn’t get rid of. And what if the other woman had never had a baby and had a perfect body? What if he compared them? Well, he probably would.
