‘Daniel couldn’t sleep.’
‘Aww, such a devoted father,’ Nancy said. ‘You’re so lucky, Poppy.’
Poppy applied a superhuman effort and did not saySorry, what? That’s the first time he’s been up at night with Daniel for months, it’s alwaysme. Oh, and by the way, he’s been unfaithful to me and all this niceness is due to guilt.
After a couple of seconds, she heard herself say, ‘I am very lucky, of course I am—’ it was genuinely quite hard to get the words out withoutchoking‘—but Declan doesnotreally get up at night with Daniel.’
‘That’s true.’ Declan nodded vigorously, like a strangely eager puppy. ‘I really don’t. Poppy does it all. She’s amazing.’
‘Well, to be fair to you—’ Nancy had already demonstrated a strong fondness for Declan and was blatantly always going to be morethan fair to him ‘—you’re working and Poppy isn’t.’
To give everyone else their very big due, the rest of the table all began to contradict her at once, with Declan’s voice winning the battle for prominence.
‘No, that isn’t being fair to Poppy,’ he said. ‘She’s working really hard during the day with Daniel and then she’s up at night with him a lot too because he isn’t a great sleeper, so she has to do it all on not enough sleep. I should actually be helping a lot more than I do, it’s just that we have this slight issue that he still feeds in the night because breastfed babies don’t tend to sleep through the night as early as bottle-fed ones, and Poppy prefers not to express.’
Poppy couldn’t decide whether he genuinely meant it or whether he was just saying the right thing to impress everyone else. ‘Thank you, hun,’ she said. Two could play at the saying-the-right-thing game.
‘Why don’t you think about expressing, then?’ Nancy said.
‘Just not for me,’ Poppy said briskly. She did not wish to discuss the whole cow-udder-milking-machine feeling that she got when she expressed, not to mention the pain. And the factthat it just didn’t work that well for her, and Daniel didn’t like bottles that much so it just wasn’t a goer.
‘Maybe try harder?’ Nancy suggested.
‘Poppy triesreallyhard,’ Declan said. Poppy couldn’t work out whether it sounded lovely and supportive or staggeringly patronising.
‘Thanks,’ she said again.
‘Look!’ Hassan spoke veryloudly, possibly (wisely) trying to change the subject. ‘Profiteroles! We’re spoilt!’
‘So we are!’ Rajula, the other partner in the practice, was also being very change-the-subject exclamatory. ‘So much chocolate and cream! Yum!’
Poppy looked at them. Shelovedprofiteroles. And then she looked down at her tummy, which was slightly bursting out of her dress. And then she remembered her resolutions. She couldn’t break them in public. Dammit.
‘No, thank you,’ she said. She’d just have to have a secret Tunnock’s Caramel later to make up for this.
‘Poppy, I…’ Declan slid his arm round her. She did her best to relax into him for a moment, because now was not the place to make a scene, and nearly sighed out loud. They’d always fitted so well together, in all ways. His warmth permeated through to her and she could feel the strength in his arm and body. It was… It was the kind of hug he probably gave the other woman. She pulled away slightly, and Declan immediately dropped his arm.
‘I’m just going to pop to the loo.’ She stood up quickly because she didn’t want anyone to see that her eyes had filled, and pushed her chair back.
‘Me too, actually.’ Declan stood up too. ‘Got to be on top form for the second half.’
They walked across the room together, Poppy very conscious of Declan behind her, and hoping that he wasn’t looking at her bum and thinking how bigit was now.
‘Poppy,’ he said, as soon as they were through the double doors into the entrance hall outside the main room.
‘I need the loo.’ She wrapped her arms round herself, and didn’t bother to smile at all. This was not the moment for the talk that they were obviously going to have to have soon. Also, it wasfreezingout here.
‘I love you, Poppy.’ His voice was really different from normal, and his eyes were searching her face, his smile tentative, almost as though his words were entirely sincere. Maybe they were sincere; maybe he was just a weak man who liked to have his cake and also eat it.
He held out his hands.
She’d always loved his hands. He had very square fingers, always with very clean, perfectly trimmed nails. They were capable hands, perfect for a doctor. Perfect for a lover, too.
She could just take them, let him draw her against him – if he wanted to – and hug him and, just, be heldby him. She could even pretend that she didn’t know about the other woman and hope that the whole situation fizzled out. She wassotired. That would be the easiest thing. Except it wouldn’t. She would never trust him again if they never spoke about it, and it would eat away at her and at their marriage.
‘I love you so much,’ he said. He took a step forwards, with his hands still held out.
Poppy just stood there as he placed his hands on her upper arms and then very gently lowered his head to hers and kissed her on the lips. She felt her idiot, stupid, traitorous mouth respond to his, and he deepened the kiss, with an urgency that felt almost animal. She found herself responding and winding her arms round his neck as the sane part of her brain yelled at her that this was surelystupid. Maybe it wasn’t, though. She didn’t know; she couldn’t think any more.
