During that time, Poppy didn’t really see Declan, because he’d been away for a conference, and when he came to visit Daniel at the weekend she made herself scarce, because she still felt too hurt to talk to him.
Georgie messaged a couple of times and Poppy promised herself she’d reply… later… and couldn’t find the words.
So that wasn’t so good, but having Ankita there and the sleep thing – that wasamazing.
The morning after the second night Daniel had slept properly, a back-to-her-svelte-well-slept-self Ankita said that she’d organised for her business partner Alex to babysit that evening and the two of them were goingout, and Poppy didn’t panic or worry or think she was too tired, she just thought that would be nice. And it was.
And on her way home, arm in arm with Ankita, dancing across the green like they were fifteen again, not about to turn thirty-five, gasping with laughter, she suddenly remembered a time when they’d done this with Georgie and Beth too, and she realised that she hadsomuch history with Georgie and sheknewher and sheknewthat Georgie hadn’t wanted to hurt her, she’d just beenstupidnot telling her immediately.
And she knew that Declan had never wanted to hurt her, either.
The big question was, she realised as she crept into bed next to Daniel sound-asleep in his cot – she was going to move him into his own bedroom tomorrow – whether she could get over the fact that Declanhadhurt her with the lie about meeting Anya and the fear that he just hadn’t found her that attractive to begin with and that’s why he’d wanted to wait to sleep together.
A couple of days later, Daniel started crawling. One minute he was on his tummy staring at a plastic train, and the next he’d got himself onto all fours and crawled across the room.
Poppy and Ankita were both busy telling him how clever he was and grinning at each other, when Poppy suddenly began to cry. She couldn’t help it. She just sat on the edge of the sofa and tears rolled down her cheeks.
‘Poppy?’ Ankita asked. ‘I want to believe that those are happy tears, but…’
‘I feel terrible that Declan isn’t here.’ She sniffed.
‘Realistically—’ Ankita was always realistic ‘—even if he hadn’t moved out, he probably wouldn’t have been here, because it’s four-thirty on a Wednesday afternoon so presumably he’d be at work.’
‘That’s true.’ Poppy managed to stop crying. ‘I should tell him, though.’
‘That is true. So… tell him?’
‘It feels awkward?’
‘Just send the video you just took.’
‘Okay, yes, you’re right. Okay.’ Before she could change her mind, Poppy took her phone and forwarded the video to Declan.
She and Ankita were still crawling round the floor with Daniel when the doorbell went a few minutes later.
‘I’ll go,’ said Ankita.
‘Hi, Declan,’ she said from the hall a few moments later. And then, ‘I’m just popping out.’
Ten seconds later, the front door banged shut and Declan said, ‘So, hi,’ from the door of the sitting room. ‘Thank you for the video. I thought it would be okay to come over?’
Poppy stood up and then sat down again because her heart was suddenly beating incredibly fast and she just felt odd. ‘Yes, of course,’ she said.
‘Thank you.’ Declan beamed at his son as he crawled across to his father as fast as he could. He bent down and swung him up into his arms. ‘Hey, genius boy. You’re amazing.’
‘Dadada.’ Daniel took hold of Declan’s cheeks and pulled them both hard, laughing uproariously, which made both Declan and Poppy laugh too.
Declan put Daniel back down and then said, ‘Mind if I sit down?’
‘Of course not.’ This was so weird. And really sad; Declan had just asked her if he could sit down in his own home.
He perched on the opposite end of the (quite small) sofa from Poppy, which meant that there was no chance of them touching each other by mistake. And that was sad, too.
‘Thank you again for sending the video,’ he said after a moment, looking at Daniel, not at Poppy.
‘Yep, no, I mean, of course.’ Oh, this was awful. Poppy knew that Declan was a wonderful father and that Daniel and he needed to see each other in a more meaningful way. ‘You should spend more time with Daniel,’ she said.
‘I’d love that.’ Declan turned to look at her and the expression on his face was just heartrending; it was like love was justshiningout of his eyes. ‘I’d very much—’ he paused, as thoughhe was selecting words very carefully ‘—like to spend some time with you, too.’
