‘Could I ask…? I… No. Sorry.’ He took a deep, juddering breath and then shook his own head.
No. This was awful.
‘I do love you,’ Georgie told him. ‘But I need to go. I’m sorry.’
She turned round. She had to leave before looking into his lovely,sadeyes broke her resolve.
She’d been an idiot. This was clearly never going to have been just ‘fun’.
29
GEORGIE
Late afternoon the next day, when they finally got home after Max seeing Declan for a walk, Georgie said Max could watch TV and considered for a moment allowing herself tomassivelywallow in self-pity. That would becrap, though.
‘Come for a run with me,’ she wheedled, until Max gave in and joined her on a 5k (who’d have thought that would be the one resolution she’d stick with when she didn’t need to?) before settling in front of the TV again while she made their dinner and arranged with some local girlfriends to go out the following weekend, before getting on with work until bedtime. She did not need a man, she did not need her oldest friends, she did not need her mother; she could totally,totallybe happy without all of them.
She had, basically, a shit week, and then, on Thursday, she found a voice message on her phone from Poppy. It took her a couple of minutes to make herself listen to it. Was it a butt call and she’djust be listening to ten minutes of Poppy’s daily routine? Or was she calling to tell her to stay away again?
‘Hello. Er, it’s Poppy,’ the message said. ‘I’d really like to talk. Could I come over? Tomorrow evening if possible?’
Oh. Wow. Maybe Poppy wanted to spend time with her again. Or maybe it was something boring. Or maybe something about Max and Daniel. Itmightbe positive, though, it definitely might. She could hope. She texted Poppy her reply:
Yes of course, please do come over.
It was harder choosing what to wear to see Poppy, heroldest friend, than it had been choosing what to wear on dates with Raf. She didn’t want to look like she had no respect for Poppy so she didn’t want to dress down. She didn’t want to look like she was dressing really smartly for her, either; that would look stupid. It was really tricky. In the end she went for her new favourite going-out top, but with boyfriendy jeans and flip flops.
When Poppy rang the doorbell, her heart actually lolloped.
‘Hey, Georgie.’ Poppy was dressed pretty much identically to her style-wise, hooray. The first thing she’d got right with regard to Poppy for alongtime.
Georgie had sent Max on his umpteenth sleepover of the year with a friend round the corner, because if there was one person whose presence probably wouldn’t help a conversation between her and Poppy, it was him. So they were able to get talking immediately. Eek.
Poppy began as soon as they’d sat down at the kitchen table, opposite each other, quite formally, with drinks that Georgie had just made, really clumsily, nearly pouring boiling waterover herself and nearly spilling milk everywhere. Shaking hands weren’t ideal for tea-making.
‘I’ve come to see you because Beth told me that you and Raf got together for about five minutes and then split up. She said you don’t want to be second best and that you’re really miserable. I’ve been thinking a lot about you. Georgie, I’m sorry. So sorry. Finding out about Declan and Max came at a bad time for me and I reacted badly. To be fair, I was probably never going to react well in the short-term, but I can now see everyone’s point of view and good intentions. And thinking about how important our friendship is to you in place of your family, I understand why you, maybe even more than all of us, couldn’t bear to break it up and panicked when you suspected about Declan. And I just want to say that you aren’t second best to me. You’re almost more to me than Declan, and that’s why I’ve found it so hard to find my way back to you. I mean, you aren’t more to me, he’s my husband, but you know what I mean. I hope. We’ve known each other forever.’
Georgie was staring at Poppy. It was like her mind had gone all treacly. She couldn’t work out what exactly Poppy was saying.
Poppy was looking at her like she expected her to reply, but nope, still treacle. So she just sat there and blinked a little.
‘You know none of us are the same people now that we were ten, fifteen, twenty years ago,’ Poppy continued. ‘Who you are is shaped, at least to some extent, by your life experiences. Raf’s a widower who’s lived, worked and partied in New York for several years. He’s a lot older and almost certainly a lot wiser than he was when he was younger. So are you. Maybe if you and Raf had met when you were much younger you wouldn’t have fallen in love with each other. Maybe you would have. Maybe he wouldn’t fall in love with Anna if he met her now. Maybe he would.’
Itseemedlike Poppy had a point, but the treacle effect was ongoing in Georgie’s brain and she still couldn’t think of anything to say.
Poppy wasn’t finished, so it didn’t really matter that Georgie couldn’t speak.
‘For example, if you and Declan met now, you wouldn’t shag each other, would you? I know that. We all know that. And not just because he’s married, but because you’re both older and different.’ Poppy had to feel really strongly about her point if she was prepared to use Georgie and Declan shagging or not shagging as an analogy. ‘And I am not second best because he slept with you first. And second children are not second best to their older siblings.
‘Basically, Georgie, you aren’t second best in Raf’s eyes. He told Dec and Noah over a drink last week that he’d never wanted to do romance again because he didn’t want to be in a position where he could feel grief-stricken, and then meeting you changed his mind. He’s ready.’ She picked up a teaspoon and pointed it at Georgie. ‘You. Are. Not. Second. Best. To. Raf. You are to your mother, yes, but that’s her problem. You are not second best to Raf. It’s so fucking obvious it’s untrue.’ Poppy paused for breath and then asked, ‘Are you listening? Are you fucking listening?’
‘Yes.’ Of course Georgie was listening; the new sweary Poppy was scary.
‘So what are you thinking?’
‘I’m thinking that maybe you’re right. And I’m also thinking that there’s something I’d like to say to you, if I may.’
‘What’s that?’
