‘Oh, Tom. Oh, no.’ Nadia’s eyes are suddenly glistening.
‘Yeah.’ I’m almost tearful myself, and I can’t remember the last time I actually cried. ‘Should I reply?’
The doors beep and we both look over.
‘I’ll stay on.’ I don’t want to get off until I’ve worked out what to say to Lola. ‘I can turn round at Wimbledon and come back.’
Nadia nods. ‘I feel like youshouldreply. In the same way that you regret not having told her you love her, you’d regret not answering.’
‘Very true.’ I’m already typing.
Is everything okay?
Her reply comes through immediately.
Not really but also yes. So… kind of.
I show the screen to Nadia and then stare at it.
I really don’t know what to say to that.
‘That’s kind of confusing and I’m guessing you aren’t sure what to say but I feel like you should reply quickly,’ Nadia says, ‘in case she goes offline again and you’re left wondering.’
‘Good point.’ I begin to type quickly. I just write my immediate thoughts out because I’m panicking, and then I send the message as fast as I can.
I hope that means that overall you’re more okay than not… Could we maybe rearrange our meeting?
I wish I could have asked why she didn’t turn up but I couldn’t think of a good way of wording it.
Her reply comes equally quickly.
Maybe…
I suddenly panic more. I need to say it. So I do.
I love you.
I have no shame; I show it to Nadia straight after sending it.
We both sit and stare at the screen. Lola’s read it. She begins to write. And then she stops. And starts again. And then stops.
And stays stopped.
The doors beep and Nadia says, ‘This is my stop.’
‘Oh, okay.’ I stand up too and we both get off. It’s still pissing it down – it’s one of those evenings where you’re quite surprised there’s any rain left in the sky – and we both get fairly drenched in the smallish gap between the train and the awning that extends along the platform.
Once we’re back in the dry, I look at my phone again.
And there’s nothing. And Lola is no longer online.
So to summarise the situation, she stood me up, then told me that she was more or less okay andmightmeet me, and in that moment I lost my mind (hindsight is a beautiful thing that has kicked in pretty quickly) and told her I loved her, and she… has ghosted me.
Stunning.
5
NADIA
