I don’t think either of us wants to talk about this right now.
‘I’m just going to check my messages,’ I say. ‘In case there’s anything urgent.’
I have no urgent messages.
Tom checks his too.
And then we sit there, next to each other, and it’s a little weird, because we’vebeena couple all day, not in a PDA way, but very much in a social way, and now we’re just two fake daters sitting awkwardly next to each other at the beginning of a remarkably long Tube ride.
‘Want to play the best phone game ever?’ Tom asks eventually, over the rattle of the train as we go into a tunnel. ‘It’s called Brawl Stars.’
‘Porn stars?’ I’m a bit shocked that a teacher would play a game with that name.
‘Brawl stars,’ he shouts. ‘One of my colleagues got me into it after he confiscated phones from Year 8 kids playing it at morning break. He’d been watching them over their shoulders for a few minutes and managed to get addicted to it in that time. And now he’s dragging me down with him.’
‘Oh. Yes. Definitely. I’m very happy to be dragged down too.’ That’s a very good idea. I download it and he’s right, it’s really good, and it’s a lot of fun going up against each other.
‘This is why kids get so addicted to games on their phones,’ I say several stops later.
‘No shit,’ Tom says.
And then we get back to it.
* * *
When we get to Waterloo, I resume my slow slide-shuffle, and it’s okay. Not entirely un-painful, but entirely manageable. I can do steps, up and down, and everything.
‘Can I take you back to yours in a taxi?’ Tom offers.
‘I’m honestly fine, thank you very much.’ I really just want to get home now, by myself. Tom’s great company but it all felt a bit weird back there.
‘Are you really sure?’
‘Yes, really definitely.’
‘Okay,’ he says. ‘Let’s at least get on the same train and I can help you. I can come back to Wimbledon with you?’
‘No, honestly. I’m completely fine.’
He looks unconvinced, so I say, ‘I might actually meet a friend at the station when I get back, so I genuinely will be alright.’
‘Okay, if you’re absolutely certain.’
‘I am.’ This conversation’s getting silly. ‘Let’s play one more round of Brawl Stars while we have time.’
* * *
‘So this is me,’ Tom says as we approach Clapham Junction. ‘If you’re still sure you don’t need any help.’
‘Totally. Thank you.’ I give him a big, I-am-absolutely-fine smile.
‘Okay, well, thank you very much for today. Incredibly above and beyond. I owe you.’
He stands up and we have a slightly awkward moment, because howdoyou say goodbye after a day like today; should there be hugging or cheek-kissing?
In the end he leans down for a quick air kiss and then he turns and goes. And I am simultaneously weirdly bereft and relieved.
* * *
