‘Great.’ I spy an early reprieve. ‘I’ll probably just relax here for a little longer. I’m not in a rush.’
‘Good idea,’ says Nadia extremely politely. ‘I’d love to relax here too. But I can’t. Have a lovely afternoon.’ And she stands up, kind of nods at me, and walks off across the room.
I can’t help watching her go and I can’t help thinking that she’s very beautiful and kind and cool, and marvelling at the fact that last night we… yep. We did all of that. Together.
I get my phone out and check train times.
I think she might just miss one and they aren’t that frequent because it’s Sunday. So I need to give the station a wide berth for several hours.
I decide to take myself to a pub for a few hours and go back to London this evening.
* * *
In the pub (a different one from the one we were in last night; I do not want to run into Carole or any of the other guests), I read the news on my phone. I watch some tennis and some golf on the pub TV. I try very hard not to think about Nadia. I fail. She likes watching tennis. I wonder whether she likes golf. I order a birthday present for my mum from John Lewis. I wonder whether Nadia would think my mum would like the top I’ve chosen. I play Brawl Stars (which makes me think about Nadia).
It’s ridiculous how much I’m thinking about her but in fairness to myself we did have a lot of sex last night so it’s probably natural.
Eventually I decide that it will be safe to go to the station and catch the next train back to London.
I’m a little bit on edge walking onto the platform, but all good, there’s no sign of her.
Once I’m on the train that arrives within five minutes, I’m still thinking about Nadia.
It’s really annoying me. I just can’t stop.
I’m also thinking sporadically about Lola. Who I don’t even have a photo of other than a grainy one from ten years ago.
I search through the pictures on my phone and look at the grainy old one. Lola is beautiful. Blonde, sleek, but with a naughty side-eye to her. And ten years younger of course.
Suddenly, I don’t know why – maybe it’s just the kind of thing you do when you’re feeling sad and guilty (which is how I am feeling because I don’t think I should have slept with Nadia and it’s very sad that our friendship is effectively over) – I decide to rewatch our ‘Happy Birthday’ video.
Yeah. It’s a nice video. My grandmother loved it. Anyone would have.
We made a very convincing couple. It’s actually horrifying. I don’t know how I’d describe how I’m looking at Nadia in it. Fondness I think. Definitely strong friendship. Very strong friendship. Very fond. Very, very fond.
The way she’s looking at me… well, yeah. Also very, very fond. There’s no poker face there. She’s wearing her feelings right there on her face.
I am an arse.
And suddenly I know what I have to do. I have to round off things with Lola one way or another. I have to message her. And I either have to say just to let you know that from my side it’s over, or I have to ask one final time if she’d like to meet. Or something.
I don’t know what I’m going to write until I begin.
And then I say:
Lola. Hey. It’s Tom. Would you like to meet one final time?
And, to my utter astonishment, she immediately reads the message and then she begins to type. And she sends a reply.
Yes please. Can you do Wednesday?
19
NADIA
I look hard at my hob and give it just one more wipe. With the under-cabinet spotlights beaming onto it, its gleam is almost headache-inducing. It literally could not be any cleaner.
Likewise the floor, the sink, the worktops, the cupboard doors, the fridge, the oven, you name it. Also every single part of the bathroom.
