‘And so for that reason I have, not to put too fine a point on it, lured you here and I’m going to go now.’ And then she envelops me in a gigantic hug, before releasing me and speed-walking away from me without looking back.
Leaving me to deal with the fact that Tom is standing in front of me.
I really, really wasn’t expecting to see him.
I can’t really move and I can’t really think.
My eyes are still working (unlike the rest of me). I can see that clothes-wise he’s almost painfully smartly dressed (also painfully handsome); he’s wearing a very well-fitting navy suit, white shirt and sky-blue tie, plus shiny black shoes. Facial expression-wise, he’s looking very intently at me and his lips are slightly pressed together and his eyebrows a tiny bit raised, which makes him look a little nervous, which makes sense given that I definitely explicitly said I didn’t want to see him but he appears to have colluded with Carole to engineer a meeting anyway.
So I should really turn round and walk away, immediately.
‘Hi.’ His voice sounds a little hoarse, as though he hasn’t used it for a while. ‘I appreciate that you said you didn’t want to meet, and I have to apologise for forcing your hand, but I wondered if we could talk.’
He’s right. Hehasforced my hand, and it’srude. I feel as though Ishouldwalk away. And the fact that right now I feel extremely desperate not to leave but to stay and gather any crumbs of his time that I can just tells me that Ireallyshouldn’t let myself stay.
Especially since, for all I know, the reason he wanted to meet might be something that would devastate me (even though it shouldn’t), like, for example, that he wants to tell me that he’s reconnected with Lola and is marrying her.
‘I don’t think I can,’ I tell him.
I take one last look at his face, and then turn round quickly, before I can do something extremely embarrassing like bursting into tears, and begin to walk off as fast as my new and very nice wedges will carry me (not as fast as I would like).
‘I love you,’ someone hollers from behind me.
I freeze, because I’m pretty sure that that was Tom’s voice. And I almost think that he must have directed those words at me. Unless someone heactuallyloves has just come into view and he can’t help yelling how he feels.
And then he shouts again. ‘I love you, Nadia.’
I stop walking and then turn round very slowly.
I stand still and Tom begins to walk towards me.
‘I love you,’ he says, stopping a few feet away.
I don’t say anything because, well, I don’t know what I think and I don’t know what I should say. What does he mean byI love you? Does he mean he loves me like a friend? Does he mean he loves me in anin-lovekind of way? Does hereallymean it? If hedoesreally mean it, what does he want or expect to happen next?
He takes a couple of steps closer.
I fold my arms across my chest.
He stops walking.
‘I…’ He moistens his lips and then presses them together and then kind of purses them, and on anyone else what he’s doing would just look weird, but now he’s doing it I feel like it looks so cool it could catch on. Unfair. ‘I’ve been an idiot and I’m very sorry and I wondered if you’d like to have dinner with me.’
I shake my head because I’m not sure what to say.
‘Oh. Okay,’ he says.
‘No,’ I say, ‘I didn’t really mean no. Or maybe I did. I don’t know whether I did or not.’ Very lucid.
‘Fair enough. Um.’ He looks at me for a moment and I just look back at him. Eventually, he says, ‘I would very much love the opportunity to talk to you. To tell you some things and, obviously, to listen to anything you might like to say to me. And to apologise for being an idiot. That’s why I asked Carole to help me um…’
‘Lure me here?’ I supply. ‘And also Bea and Ruth; they were in that chat.’
‘Also Bea and Ruth,’ he confirms. ‘And for the sake of openness, I should disclose that Carole told me that she spent a lot of her divorce party trying to set us up. The fortune teller was there only for us. And the massage and lunch prize was a spur-of-the-moment thing she dreamt up when she realised that you’d won the casino competition.’
I’m open-mouthed. ‘So sly.’ I don’t know whether I’m in awe or annoyed.
‘But entirely done from a position of caring about both of us,’ Tom says.
