My thoughts are interrupted by Charlotte’s arrival.
‘Freya!’ She envelops me in her arms and a wave of her gorgeous perfume hits me. I immediately worry that Jake’s going to love the scent as much as I do.
Which brings me back to not wanting to upset anyone.
It took a lot of thought deciding who to ask to go on this blind date, given that in any dating situation there’s the potential for misery.
I don’t want to set Jake up with someone who will fall for him who he will not fall for back. That would be awful.
And I also don’t in fact want him to fall for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. I don’tlikehim, but I don’t actually wish ill on him (other than for him to lose this challenge and be forced to apologise to me).
But obviously I’m not going to achieve anything if I introduce Jake to women he would realistically never hit it off with romantically and then he… doesn’t hit it off with them. That clearly wouldn’t shake his belief in finding love at all.
So I think I need to introduce him to women who are exactly his type and have him discover that heshouldon paper be attracted to them but he is not. And I need to go for every single romance trope I can manage to cover, so that there’s no possibility he can think it’s thewayhe met them. And while doing all of that I do at all times need to do my best to ensure that the women he meets won’t fall for him and get upset. Unless he also falls for them (in which case I will have lost the challenge but at least I won’t have caused any misery).
It’s a complete minefield.
I realised quickly that I can’t set him up with strangers – I have to be able to explain the exact situation to his future dates, to minimise the potential for hurt – so I can’t do any Tindering.
So I’m limited to my single friends and acquaintances.
I wasted a lot of good writing time doing some internet research on him to try to work out the type of woman he usuallygoes for. It was fruitless. He doesn’t seem to be on any social media. Heison his law firm’s website but clearly there are no photos of anyone he’s dated on there. I found one photo of him with his ex-wife, a very beautiful brunette. But I’m not sure how much a photo of one ex (however significant) helps. I also think that – assuming he has a physical type – it would beawfulof me to try to find an ex-wife-lookalike for him.
In the end, I decided that the way forward for this first date was to go for someone who is lovely and attractive, not currently looking for love unless it comes right up and slaps her in the face, so hopefully there’s no chance of her getting hurt if and when it doesn’t work out,anddoes a job that IknowJake hates: romance author.
Charlotte has sold literally millions of Mills & Boons under one pseudonym and also writes non-Mills-and-Boon romcoms under another name. You can’t get moreromance authorthan that. She’s also very good company and a lot of fun, and extremely beautiful in a Marilyn Monroe way, and anyone would be very lucky to date her.
I’m hoping that Jake will start to fall for her and then realise that her job is a deal breaker and that it will be a very good start at shaking his confidence in love.
Will it really, though?
I mean, the thing is, how is this even going to work?
It’s a ridiculously flawed concept.
Like, I initially wondered whether I should ask my girlfriends to go on dates with him and be obnoxious and put him off. But what would that achieve? He’d just think yeah, no, not for me but, so what, there are other women.
And he’d be right.
Howcanyou prove to someone that they won’t ever fall in everlasting love if they’re eternally optimistic by nature? The only hope is to bombard him with huge evidence that he won’t.But Jake’s in his mid-thirties and divorced. He’s had a lot of life experience already and hestillbelieves there’s a happily-ever-after out there for him.
I am so clearly therefore not actually going to win this. It just can’t be possible. And, really, I shouldn’t try to. I don’tlikeJake, but I don’t want to be mean to him. I don’t want to depress him. I just want him to understand that he’s wrong about romance novels. And that he’s smug. And generally very annoying.
Unfortunately, however, Sonja announced on national TV that Jake and I are both joining in with this stupid challenge. So I have no choice but to give it a go, nominally at least.
‘You look worried,’ Charlotte tells me, pulling out of our hug a little and studying my face. ‘Ishould be the nervous one.’ It turned out that I didn’t have to tell her about the challenge because she’d seen it all on TV. (Obviously. Everyone’s seen it.)
She’s a big believer in love but is fairly newly single and quite cautious right now about leaping into a new relationship, although totally up for some no-strings sex. (I must remind herveryfirmly not to tell meanythingif they do end up hooking up in any way. I do not want to hear about Jake and sex.) So she’s actually an ideal person (insofar as there can be one) in that she’s very unlikely to fall for anyone right now butisopen to love.
‘There’s no need at all for you to be nervous,’ I say. ‘I know thatIfound him annoying, but you might find him excellent company. You might adore him. It might be the start of a beautiful relationship.’ Gaaah.IfJake and Charlotte fall for each other, I would be very pleased for her (assuming he turned out to be a good partner) but I’d be very disappointed to have to be nice to Jake forever if he becomes Charlotte’s other half. ‘And if it isn’t, what’s the worst that can happen? Even if he’s terrible company, at least you get to have a really interesting experience.I’ve been wanting to go to this restaurant for months.’ It’s really hard to get a table here; the TV company had to pull strings.
Charlotte nods and says, ‘Thatistrue. I hear they operate a several-month-long waiting list.’ She’s still frowning a little, though. Then, suddenly, her demeanour brightens. ‘Iknow. Why don’t you come in with us for a bit? Just for the beginning?’
I shake my head, as sorrowfully as I can manage. ‘Although I’d love to, I can’t, because it’s a table for two.’ Thank goodness.
Charlotte shakes her own head. ‘No, no. I read about it. You spend a little bit of time in the bar first, getting acclimatised to the darkness, before they lead you through to your table. You can come and have a drink with us before we eat.’
It’s fully pitch-dark in there, so that you (according to their website) savour both the flavours of your food and your companions’ company without getting distracted by visuals. They recommend that you arrive separately so you don’t see each other at all beforehand, and you can leave separately too. They have several different entrances for that very reason. I love the concept and will be looking forward to hearing about Charlotte’s experience.
