I’m beginning to feel really quite irritated. What’swrongwith him? I mean, this is justrudeness.
I’m going to slay him with polite courtesy, I decide.
‘I write romantic fiction,’ I say, with a politely courteous smile.
‘Right.’ He manages to make the word sound very similar tofuckoff. Frankly, I’d just like to swear back at him, because this is ridiculous. I am, however, going to continue to rise above his unfriendliness.
‘It’s beautiful weather today,’ I venture, the smile still fixed.
He raises the eyebrow again, likewow you’re very boring, before saying, ‘Yep.’
And that’s it. I decide not to say anything else because I’m edging towardsseriousirritation now and I don’t feel as though it would be good to have an argument with someone straight before I go on live TV with them. Also, I’m very confused. I don’t argue with people, and I’m literally thinking about arguments with this person after having exchanged max thirty words with him. He’s crazy, I decide. Or a massive misogynist. Or he has a migraine and hates all people today. Or something.
Whatever. We’ll do the interview and then that will be that.
I take a deep, calming breath, and stare out of the window at the featureless building opposite.
This is going to befine. This man will definitely,definitelynot behave like this on actual TV. Nothing is going to go wrong. Maud, my family, my friends, myreaders, they will all see me (gaaaah) and itwillbe fine.
2
JAKE
I have no interest in making polite conversation with Freya Cassidy. The woman’s a homewrecker. Well, her books are. And clearly her books are an extension of her.
This is a lesson in thinking before saying yes, however busy I might be in that moment. When I was asked to do this interview, I should have spent ten seconds considering who my unnamed co-interviewee might be. It does of course make complete sense to include a divorce lawyer and a romance writer on the same ‘let’s talk about everlasting love’ Valentine’s panel. I could have foreseen that, or at least asked.
Ms Cassidy clears her throat and uncrosses her neatly crossed ankles and recrosses them the other way round. I hold an imaginary bingo card at the ready to see what banality she will come out with next. Weather? Travel? Whether I’ve been on TV before?
It’s surprising. You’d think an author who’d sold millions of books would have better conversation. Although, to be fair to her, I’m giving her absolutely nothing to work with.
‘Did you have far to travel this morning?’ she asks. Bingo.
‘Not really,’ I say repressively.
She raises one perfectly shaped eyebrow, just very slightly, implying, I think, that she believes me to have been unnecessarily rude.
I feel a flash of annoyance. I am not a rude person. Ever. Except… yes, apparently Ihavejust been rude. I’m talking to Freya Cassidy though; and, while I haven’t met her before, I do know that I don’t like her. Or, more specifically, that I don’t like herwork. I should really be mature enough to make polite conversation, however.
‘A half-hour journey,’ I elaborate. And then I add, ‘How was your journey?’
Her – objectively (and annoyingly) beautifully shaped – lips curve into a small smile. I do not, of course, know her personally, but I would say that’s a victorious smile. I’m guessing she was doing her best to goad me into actual conversation. I find my own lips twitching in response, which annoys me.
‘Very good, thank you.’ She gives me a long, appraising look for a moment, before continuing, ‘I’m not an early riser. On the occasions that Iamout and about at the crack of dawn, I do enjoy seeing London waking up.’
‘Yeah,’ I agree politely. ‘That is cool.’
She nods. I nod too. (I don’t know why.) And then we settle back into silence. I take my phone out and check my emails and mentally run down what I’ll be doing for the rest of today, until I’m dragged back to now by a young woman knocking on the door and coming into the room.
‘Hi, Soraya.’ Ms Cassidy greets her with a beam, as though they’re best friends. I presume they only met this morning, though.
Soraya returns her smile and says, ‘I hope you’ve had a lovely time getting to know each other. Just letting you know that you’ll be on in a couple of minutes.’
‘Great,’ we reply simultaneously, as Soraya disappears again.
‘Have you been on TV before?’ Ms Cassidy asks.
‘Yes, but not on this kind of show.’ I have some very high-profile clients so sometimes I have to read statements out to the media, but I see no reason to mention that now. ‘You?’ I’m genuinely interested, despite myself, in how much media exposure she’s had.
