‘Yeah.’ I’m annoyed with myself for being annoyed about the fact I cannot be anything other than impressed by what a great all-rounder Freya appears to be. Albeit an incredibly annoying all-rounder.
‘Is she bad at anything?’ I ask, because I can’t help it.
Lizzie laughs. ‘Not that I can think of. Apart from DIY. She can barely change a light bulb. And she wouldn’t mind me telling you that.’
We’re interrupted by Dan saying, ‘Lizzie. I’ve just been hearing about what you got up to on New Year’s Eve.’
‘Freya!’ Lizzie gasps.
‘Noteverything,’ Freya says. ‘Obviously. Just our outfits.’
‘And the dancing on tables,’ Dan says.
Freya dismisses that with a wave of the hand, while Lizzie says, ‘Phew.’
‘I’m intrigued.’ Dan will now not let this go, and theywilleventually tell us. Charming but steely tenacity is one of his most pronounced characteristics, which he uses to particularly good effect in his career (investigative journalism).
He’s thwarted for the time being, though, because our alpaca farm host has appeared.
The alpaca hostdoesconsent to doing a short ‘we’ve just arrived on our double date at the alpaca farm’ video for Sonja, commenting that no publicity is bad publicity. Dan and Lizzie donotconsent, which is a wise decision: in my brief experience any appearance on daytime television can lead to people recognising you in the street and, unless you actively want to be a celebrity, that is not fun.
A lot of alpaca facts are fired at us.
When we’re told that they are easily house-trained due to their tendency to use a communal dung pile, and therefore make very good pets, Freya breathes, ‘Oh my goodness, I want togetone.’ She smiles at me and says, ‘So much better than getting a man.’
‘They’re quitebigfor pets,’ Lizzie points out.
‘Not as big as a man, though,’ Freya returns.
‘No sex, though,’ Lizzie says.
Freya shrugs and says, ‘Yeah, no-oneneedssex.’
Dan looks at me and shrugs too. And I shrug back.
Lizzie laughs at all of us, which makes me smile and Dan grin broadly.
Next, we glean a lot of facts about alpaca fleeces.
Freya is apparently fascinated.
‘So their fleeces are hypoallergenic? And non-flammable? And water-resistant?’
‘Are you having a business idea?’ asks Lizzie.
‘Totally.’ Freya’s looking the most animated I’ve seen her since she looked at me like she wanted to kill me in the TV studio. ‘I mean, it sounds like a no-brainer?’
Lizzie turns to Dan and me. ‘Not joking, she’ll probably own the most successful alpaca farm in the UK in a year’s time. The last time she got this excited about something, it was writing romance. And here we are.’
‘Have you had any failed businesses?’ I can’t help asking.
‘A couple,’ Freya says.
‘Notfailures,’ Lizzie says. ‘Just you kind of lost interest.’
‘Some businesses are less viable than you think they’re going to be,’ Freya elaborates. ‘Like a vegan cake-making business is a tricky one. I ended up having to stay up all night baking a lot, and worked out that my profit was around one pound fifty an hour.’
‘Thisone won’t fail, though,’ Lizzie says.
