‘From what I hear, the viewing public love you.’
‘Likewise.’ She takes another angry bite.
‘Great, then?’
‘Yes, marvellous.’
I don’t love prawn crackers – controversial, I know – but I’d rather eat one than continue this conversation, which feels as though it could easily descend further, into a shouting match, so I smile and take one.
We sit in silence for an uncomfortably long period, until – thank the Lord – Dan and Lizzie arrive.
We all hug and they sit down with Lizzie next to Freya and Dan next to me, and launch into a description of the fire juggler they saw on the way here.
Freya and I join in, and I think we both do a pretty good job of seeming on friendly terms and not ruining the evening in any way for Dan and Lizzie.
The conversation ebbs and flows around all sorts of non-contentious topics and, actually, I reflect, as Freya and I engage in a heated discussion of the rival merits of a fireman’s pole from bedroom to kitchen, or a slide instead of stairs in our fantasy ideal house, she can at times be perfectly good company.
‘We need to consider the danger aspects,’ she says very seriously. ‘If you went too fast on a slide you could fly off and hit a wall and break something.’
‘I mean, just don’t put it somewhere where there’s a wall opposite the end of the stairs?’ I point out. ‘And also, obviously fireman’s poles can be dangerous. What if you just let go?’
‘Well, you’d be stupid to let go. But, just in case, I feel like you could pad the aperture and the floor below,’ Freya muses.
Our debate continues with genuinely only minimal sarcasm and irritation on both sides, until Lizzie asks into a gap in the conversation, ‘Have you had any more details about the team-building weekend?’
‘Yes, actually,’ Freya says. ‘I had brunch with Sonja yesterday and she delveddeeplyinto my tastes in absolutely everything – I mean, I was surprised she didn’t get into sexual preferences – because she wants to make sure we really enjoy it.’
‘Did she use the wordenjoy?’ I query.
Freya wrinkles her brow, in trying-to-remember mode. ‘Ithinkso. I mean, words to that effect. Like she wants us to get as much as we can out of it. Something like that.’
‘Sounds surprisingly altruistic from what I’ve heard,’ comments Dan. ‘Don’t they just want to hook more viewers? Do theywantyou to have a lovely time? Is that good TV?’
‘That’s what I thought when she tried to grill me yesterday afternoon.’ I pour more tap water for us all. ‘So I didn’t tell her anything at all.’
‘Well in that case,’ says Freya complacently, ‘we’ll spend a weekend doing the kind of team-buildingIwill enjoy. Fireman’s pole rather than staircase slide.’
‘Or—’ Dan pauses to load cucumber, spring onion and crispy duck onto a pancake ‘—you’ll have the weekend from hell and Jake might or might not, depending on how much his tastes coincide with yours.’
‘Nonsense,’ says Lizzie hastily as Freya’s lips form a horrified-looking ‘o’. ‘Of course they wouldn’t do that. They’ll want you to enjoy the activities so you can focus on the team-building aspect of the weekend. That’s where the great TV will come from. From you two leaving the weekend finally holding the same views on absolutely everything.’
‘I’m notcertainthat’s true.’ I do if I’m honest feel a little guilty about having brought all of this on both of us, and maybe Freya should prepare herself for a bad weekend.
Freya shakes her head. ‘It is. Ofcoursethey wouldn’t ask in a cynical way. I mean, they aren’t actual sadists.’
‘No, but theydowant to make great TV,’ Dan says.
‘And it would not make great TV watching me be miserable.’ Freya takes a big sip of her wine.
I raise my eyebrows because, er, I imagine it would makegreatTV if she got really miserable.
‘Don’t do the raised-eyebrow thing,’ Freya instructs me.
‘Sorry.’ I frown exaggeratedly and she rolls her eyes at me.
Then she says, ‘Anyway, enough about our weekend and Sonja. How’s your week been?’ She looks first at Dan and then at Lizzie.
‘It’s been a good one.’ Lizzie is beaming. ‘A busy one. I’ve been out a lot. Mainly with Dan.’
