He could still see the way his father’s face crumpled with anger and disgust.
“I don’t expect any child of mine to give up so easily, William. Especially not the man who will be Duke of Dunleigh one day. I’m not entirely sure I can call you a man.”
“I can’t ride that wretched thing, Father. You know I can’t.”
“Are you afraid of a little tumble?”
“I’m afraid of breaking my neck.”
“Very well. If nobody here is brave enough to climb onto a horse’s back, I shall do it.”
The horse in question was a great, glossy black brute by the name of Midnight, more than half wild. It would let nobody on its back, certainly not William. Full of disgust at his ‘cowardly’ children, the old Duke had climbed on Midnight’s back himself, to prove a point.
The horse had thrown him, killing him instantly. Sometimes, in William’s dreams, he had found himself back in that paddock again, with full knowledge of what was going to happen. He then faced a dilemma. Did he stop his father getting on that horse, and doom them all to another few decades of torture? Or did he allow it, and become a murderer?
They were never pleasant dreams. What was worse, William had nearly always chosen to let his father climb into the saddle and ride away. It wasn’t a pleasant thing to know about oneself.
He shuddered, and suddenly Lady Victoria’s hand was on his forearm.
“You are shivering, your Grace,” she breathed, eyes wide. “Are you cold? Ill? May I fetch a footman for you?”
“No! No, thank you, Lady Victoria. I’m quite well, just a little tired, I think.”
“Ah,” she responded, eyeing him narrowly. “I hope you don’t intend to slip away early, your Grace. There’s more dancing after dinner.”
William’s heart sank. Of course, they’d dance till dawn at a party like this. He didn’t mind a little dancing in moderation, but parties like this never did anythingmoderately. He would be expected to dance with as many of the single ladies as he could,until his feet felt like they were on fire and his legs had gone numb. It was a mark of pride in some more fashionable ladies to wear thin silk dancing slippers, commissioned for one ball only, and wear through the soles by the end of the night.
He'd already danced with Lady Victoria once, at the Dowager’s insistence. A second dance would indicate interest, and she would be within her rights to try and pursue him.
William intended to avoid that. Lady Victoria was nice enough, but he recognized the calculating, mercenary look in her eyes. She had married a baronet before, and now she would try for a Duke. He was richer than her late husband – or at least, hewouldbe, once he was married – and younger, and more handsome.
Lady Victoria was clawing her way up in the world with remarkable astuteness, and William did not particularly want to be a rung on her ladder.
So he only smiled wanly and said nothing, turning his attention to his dinner.
There were far too many courses left, but the meal couldn’t last forever, and then William could escape.
Air,he thought miserably, swigging down a glass of wine and trying not to think of his father’s expression when he looked at him for the last time.I need air.
“I’m not entirely sure I can call you a man,”the old Duke spat in William’s head, no matter how loud the conversation got. He was starting to believe he’d never drown it out.
***
The balcony was empty, to William’s relief.
He stepped out of the clear glass doors and dragged in a deep breath of cool, clear air. The heated air of the ballroom, already breathed in and out by a hundred people at least, had started to sting his lungs.
There were rules about going onto the balconies at parties. There were rules for everything in Society. Ladies weren’t supposed to go out unattended. A gentleman, if he stepped out and saw a lady alone, would bow and excuse himself. If a lady came out while he was there alone, he would also excuse himself.
Rules, rules, rules. Sometimes William thought he might drown in them all. Even more rules applied to him. Henry and Alexander could get away with much more, because they were the second and third sons respectively, and not theDuke, and therefore could enjoy more freedom.
Not that much more, though.
Leaning against the cool stone of the wall, William peered down into the garden, all shrouded in darkness. How pleasant it would be to walk down there, unseen by anybody, and simply enjoy some time alone with his thoughts. Nobody wanting small talk, no compliments to give or pleasantries to exchange. Just himself and the peaceful night.
Almost without realizing what he was doing, William reached into his pocket for the locket he kept there. He’d polished it up, once or twice, simply because the shine had worn off on account of him touching it, which he really should not do. The locket should be kept in a drawer and forgotten, or else disposed of – the owner hadn’t come looking for it, had she?
William bit his lip, glancing down at the glittering oval. He knew the picture inside off by heart and had wondered countless times whose child it was. He could recall every detail of the lady in blue. He was sure he would recognize her, blue dress or not, but she wasn’t here, he was sure of it.
