Or ofhim.
She never wanted to think of him again. And yet, she was fairly sure she would not be able to think of anything else.
A strangled sob escaped from Lavinia’s lips, no matter how hard she tried to swallow it down.
“Oh, Lavinia,” Gillian whispered, voice breaking. “I can’t bear this.”
“Well, I can,” Lavinia responded at once. “I can, and I should. It’s no more than I deserve. What did I think would happen, setting my sights on a man like the duke? He was never for the likes of me.”
“This isn’t like you, Lavinia. You never speak so harshly of yourself.”
Abruptly, Lavinia climbed to her feet, dragging her hand away from Gillian’s. She paced up and down her room, still shrouded in gloom from the closed curtains. Somehow, she was sure that if she pulled back the curtains and let in the light, she would break down in tears again.
“Perhaps I needed a little more understanding,” she said, half to herself. “I do think highly of myself. Too highly, perhaps. I am aspinster, and a penniless one. I have no great accomplishments, a fairly ordinary sort of beauty, and no powerful family to support me. I have nothing, really.”
“Stop it, Lavinia.”
“No, I need to say this. I am a fool, Gillian. I let myself believe that the duke could love somebody like me. Others tried to warn me. Miss Bainbridge, even, tried to save me the humiliation, but I would not listen. Oh, to think that I considered myself herrival!” she gave a peal of mirthless laughter. “I am so foolish. But I’m glad that this has happened, Gillian. Seeing oneself as one is truly might be painful, but it’s better in the long run. Much better.”
Gillian stared at her for a long moment, lips pressed together.
“We should leave,” she said at last.
“I won’t ask Mama and Papa to take us home.”
Gillian let out a long, slow breath. “Very well. Then I shall ask them.”
And before Lavinia could say or do a thing, Gillian turned on her heel and hurried out of the room.
Chapter Twenty-Three
William felt as though his feet were rooted to the ground. Timothy had gone rushing to the door of the stables, staring across the courtyard after her. He paused in the doorway, glancing back at William.
“You should go after her. Tell her it was a misunderstanding. You need toexplain, William.”
“Explain what?” His lips felt numb. “It was all true. I did hire an investigator to find her. I did keep her locket for longer than I should. I don’t have anything to say to that. It’s true. I can’t lie.”
Timothy began to look exasperated. “Tell her that you love her, you utter fool.”
William flinched. “I can’t. I couldn’t. How can I, after all that?”
His friend came towards him, gripping his shoulders. “Look at me. Look at me, Will! You can’t be a coward. Not when it comes to love. Take it from somebody who almost lost everything. Youmustact.”
“I’m not a coward.”
“Thendosomething. Go after her. Tell her you’ll break your betrothal off with Miss Bainbridge.”
“I can’t.”
“You must! It is unfair to Miss Bainbridge – youdo not love her– and it is unfair to yourself.”
“It’s dishonourable.”
Timothy growled. “Dishonourable! I hate that word. Are you truly going to condemn yourself to a lifetime of misery because of one small mistake? If you tell Miss Brookford that you made a mistake, that you intend to end things with Miss Bainbridge, then perhaps she will think differently of you.”
Biting his lip, William glanced across the courtyard. Lavinia had her head down, and was running as fast as she could. She had almost reached the steps.
He squeezed his eyes closed.
