A heavy weight settled in my stomach. Edison was in too deep, and I wasn’t talking about his dick. He was in my head and tugging at my heart. This was more than sex. He wasuploading malware that was rewriting my code and corrupting the possibilities for any other suitor.
Edison switched me on to my back and reentered, his eyes laser focused on me. I tried to hold back the tears, but each stroke made it harder to deny him. “Ed -i- son …” My words were punctured by moans and my voice was thick with emotion. Tears slid down the sides of my face. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”
“Do you want me to stop?” All his boldness was gone as he wiped away a tear that was quickly followed by others.
“No, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.” Edison softly kissed my lips, his arm cradling my head as his strokes slowed to an attentive pace, which while still life wrecking, allowed me to better process my big feelings. He wasn’t fucking me any longer. We were making love.
“You are so beautiful, and I feel safe when I’m inside you.”
“I can’t … I can’t talk or I’m going to say some crazy shit.”
“No judgement.” He followed with strokes that dismantled my lifelong beliefs.
“You make me want to do dirty, such dirty things. Like cook dinner, wash clothes, raise a family, and suck your dick every night, every fucking night.”
“I’ma need you to come for me now.” Edison leaned into my ear, talking me through it. “Show me how much you love this dick. I want you to mark your territory and cream all over this motherfucker.” And I did, I creamed all over his dick and then licked it clean for good measure.
When you live on a farm,you don’t get to sleep in. It was Sunday and I wanted to lie next to Fancy a little while longer, but duty called. After fifteen minutes of me trying to untangle myself without waking up Fancy, I headed downstairs and was shocked to see the dishes and fruit all over the floor. What possessed me to do that shit, I’ll never know. Circling the kitchen island, I cleaned up before pulling out a broom to sweep any remaining pieces of glass.
If she wasn’t still in my bed, I would have sworn last night was a vivid hallucination. Sure, I’d imagined sex with Fancy hundreds of times. Saying it now sounded pathetic, but for me, Fancy was always the one. Everyone else was a place filler for the real thing. I’m not saying there weren’t women who made me forget about Fancy. My last real girlfriend Mari and I were happy until we weren’t.
Pouring myself a thermos of coffee—the programmable coffee pot was the best birthday gift ever—I headed out. In the barn I loaded up on feed and water and drove off in my UTV. I could perform this loop in my sleep. First, I visited Scout, I pulled up a stool and milked her as we talked. She let me do mostof the talking. After changing out her water and food, I headed over to see my goats. They came with the purchase of the farm. When I walked near their stall, they acted so excited to see me and it gave my tired ass a boost of energy.
Last was the chicken coop. I checked on the hens and collected the eggs. And before walking away, I thanked them for their sustenance. The whole circle of life thing was in full effect. Eggs and milk my animals produced would be used as fuel for my body and that connection and reliance on nature and the earth wasn’t lost on me.
When I made it back to the house, Fancy was on the porch steps with a cup of coffee.
“Morning.” Her gaze didn’t meet my eyes.
The muscles in my jaw ruminated. “Good morning.” After sex clarity was a motherfucker. I already knew sleeping with Fancy was a mistake because she’d effectively ruined me for everyone else. When I told her I’d probably end up settling, I meant it because if it wasn’t her, I didn’t really want it. Maybe after fucking me, she’d realized she needed to head back home and fix her relationship with old boy.
A rush of air escaped her lungs. “Can I just say … that … last night I said some things … and you said things. We both made statements in the heat of the moment and maybe we said things we meant … or not. But we definitely said some things.”
The corners of my eyes tightened. “Did you practice that?”
“I did not.”
“So when you told me I could put it anywhere was that just a thing you said?”
Her eyes finally met mine and there was longing behind them. “No, I fucking meant that shit.”
“Then what are you saying?”
Fancy surrendered her hands in the air. “The crying Edison … I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m not going to hold you to your excited utterances or tears.”
“Do you have a lot of women boohooing over your dick?”
“I mean maybe one or two.”
Her head drew back quickly. “Hmm, okay pussy whisperer.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
Cradling her mug, she announced, “I think this is the best coffee I’ve ever had.”
“Thanks, it’s a mixture of different beans. I grind them fresh.” I took a seat next to her and stole her mug, taking a sip.
