I was looking forward to pulling up to the ranch, climbing the creaky steps to the second floor and curling under the covers for a few days. When I called my mother from LA, I didn’t explain what was going on. But I’m sure she could hear it in between my sniffles as I attempted to bite back tears. If your world is crashing above your head, you need to seek shelter. And Palmer Ranch was my safe place.
Pulling up to the house, two things were clear, the ranch house was smaller than I remembered it, and my mother notified everyone in the family about my return. It was a mini family reunion. I pushed out a long, low breath. “Gotdamnit Momma.”
“Is it too much? I told Momma this was going to be too much.” Like a true big brother, Oz was protective. He’d read headlines about me online and be ready to burn down the world and the comment section on my behalf.
“I had hoped to ease into my homecoming.” I rubbed at my weary eyes.
“Now you know that woman will look for any excuse to entertain.”
“I do but I just hoped we could save the pomp and ceremony for a later date.”
At one time this house with the blue shutters and the land that stretched for miles was the center of my universe. In some way it still was. Palmer Ranch was like a fixed point on a map and no matter how far I roamed, I could always turn right back around and find my way home. When my feet touched down on the ranch soil, it acted like a reset button. You know when you die in a video game and then respawn at your last saved location? This home was my checkpoint. A chance to soothe my hurt feelings and try again.
Ozzie rounded the truck and leaned close. “Paint on a smile Fancy, and mind your manners.”
I did just as my brother instructed. Greeting aunts, uncles, and cousins I hadn’t seen in years. Listening as they recounted stories from my childhood. The memories others held of me never quite matched my own. As I moved from family member to family member, the conversations were the same. Everyone wanted to catch me up on what was going on in town like my mother wasn’t my resident news reporter of all things Hume.
Granted she rarely had updates about what my friends from high school were up to, but occasionally she’d mention one of their parents and I learned my high school crush got married or Cyrus Birch had been elected mayor. Which was weird because he was Ozzie’s best friend. I’d watched as he rapped and danced off beat in our living room.
The highlight of the night was getting to spend time with my niece, Maple. Video chats did not compare to seeing her in real life. At seven she was completely her own little person, and I could see so much of both Ozzie and Dial in her. If she was anything like her mother, this world would have to brace itself. I gave Maple my full attention while she told me all about school and her pet frog, Gorf, which was frog spelled backwards.
After the party began to wind down and there were only a few stragglers, I was able to escape to my old room. Laying across the bed, I took a deep calming breath. While I enjoyed catching up, it was nice to be alone. Even if that meant I had to confront the thoughts swirling around in my head.
My room was just like I left it down to the posters on the wall. When I left Hume, I had no intention of coming back. That statement isn’t entirely true, I was okay with coming home for a weekend visit or a few days around Christmas, but I made sure to never stay long. I preferred to have my family visit me in Los Angeles. And Ozzie and Maple had taken me up on that offer more times than I could count.
I loved Hume and growing up in it, but once I saw what the world had to offer, the thought of planting stakes in my hometown became less appealing. But there was something to be said about having a community. Outside of Darla and Chap, I couldn’t really claim that in LA. Making friends was a whole lot harder as an adult, and most of my friends were just as busy as I was.
“I know you’re not on that bed in your outside clothes.” My mother’s voice punctured my serenity.
“I’m gonna shower, I just needed to rest for a bit.”
“Was it too much inviting everyone over?”
“It was a lot. But I enjoyed seeing everyone again.”
“You look tired.”
“Well between the flight and the drive, that would make sense.”
My mother sat on my bed. “Do you want to tell me why you’re here?”
“I missed you and Daddy,” I lied.
She rested her hand on my knee and waited silently.
“Chap … I caught him cheating. Like ass to sky cheating.”
“And you’re surprised?”
I wrinkled my face, giving my mother the side eye. “Yes, I’m surprised. We were talking about marriage.”
“With Dylan?” Her voice rose several octaves.
“Yes with Chap.”
“I will never understand it. Is it the eyes or the dick that got you thinking like this?”
My mother was never one to mince words. When I hit fourteen, she started talking to me plain about life, love, and sex.
