I closed my eyes and inhaled patience and tolerance like my self-help podcast, Girl Hush, taught me. “I made the best choice for me. Besides I don’t want to be a stay-at-home anything.”
“Aldridge wants to be your golden retriever and you’re over there acting like a bird.”
“I don’t need dating advice from you. Last time I checked we were both still single.”
“No, you’re single. I have several viable irons in the fire.”
And by viable she meant barely legal. “Good for fucking you.”
“Alright Danessa, at the end of the day I’m still your mother. Watch your mouth.”
I couldn’t keep up with her, one minute she wanted to be one of the girls going to clubs with us and hitting on men half her age, and at other times she wanted to be the wise respected matriarchic. “I apologize.”
“Part of me thinks you dumped Aldridge just to spite me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you didn’t want to admit I was right. A man’s financial prospects are just as important as being in love. I’ve fallen in love with pro athletes and brothers who worked in warehouses. And do you know what I learned?” She snapped in my face to confirm she had my attention. “I learned rich or poor they all cheat. But you get to decide where you want to receive the news, in a mansion or a one-bedroom apartment.”
“Either way it’s gonna suck.”
“I’d rather sulk in a Laguna Spa heated Jacuzzi than a bathtub with mold.”
“You need to let go of this Aldridge thing.” I didn’t want to provide any hope. What we were doing beyond fucking was still unclear.
Anika returned for a third time in a form-fitting corseted number that hugged her curves. “This is what I came to see. Anika, you look amazing,” I gushed.
“You don’t think it’s too much cleavage?” Maybe my mother was right about her trying to impress the in-laws. Anika has gone outside with nipple tape and a sheer top. She wasn’t modest.
“If you have them, you should flaunt them,” Jemini said.
“I agree.” My mother gasped, presumably at the fact she and I were of the same accord. Ignoring her, I continued, “Let’s add a veil and get the whole bride effect.”
The sales associate left to grab a selection of headpieces while Anika admired herself in the mirror. “Anika?” my mother said. “Didn’t you mention that Danessa and Aldridge went on a date?”
“Uhm … I don’t know if that ever actually happened.” My sister, who was usually a great liar, wasn’t convincing anyone.
“We’re not dating.”
“Okay, hooking up, sneaky links, dicksurfing.”
“We’re not doing any of those things. And if we were, why would it matter?”
“Because I can’t wait to tell you I told you so. I was right five years ago and I’m right now. Aldridge is the one. I’m sorry you decided to implode your love life and future to try to teach me some asinine lesson. You’re just lucky he’s willing to give you a second chance.”
“Give me? Give me! Do you even believe the shit that comes out of your mouth? You tell us to know our worth and that we are the prize, but the minute a man with a little pocket change shows up you want us to bend over backwards to fit into his life. You are such a fucking pick me.”
“They also have this dress in a blush, should I try that one on?” Anika was trying to get me to shut up. To stop me from saying things I was bound to regret later.
“You’re the queen of the pick mes, and at the end of the day you fuck married men who say they’re going to leave their families for you, but they never do. Because you’re the woman men fuck, not the one they marry.”
“You are such a judgmental bitch. Sometimes I question whether they switched you at birth. Because there is no way this closed-minded prude crawled out of my cooch.”
“I wonder the same thing because I know myrealmother wouldn’t have abandoned her kids for a free trip to Cabo.”
“There was food in the fridge. All you had to do was warm it up.”
“We were taken by CPS. And placed in foster care for three months. But at least you got a tan and your guts dug out. Fucking mother of the year over here.”
