Aldridge nodded. “That would actually be … yeah that would be great.”
“Good, great. Thank you for trusting me with this.”
Aldridge pulled me closer, his lips trembled against mine, filled with all the words he still wasn’t quite ready to say. I never entertained the thought of walking away. If the last few months taught me anything it’s that we’re stronger together and I wasn’t going anywhere.
“CanI ask some follow up questions?” Danessa peppered her eggs.
“Shoot.” We were on the veranda of our suite, with sweeping views of the mountains, enjoying breakfast. Admittedly, I was still raw from yesterday. My father hadn’t even called or texted in an attempt to render an apology. Saying sorry wasn’t going to fix anything but at least it would let me know his reckless actions weren’t intentional.
Lamonte rarely thought before making moves. He just jumped into some dumb shit headfirst and only after he started catching flack would he try to backpedal. Most often that looked like him searching for someone else to blame because shit was never Lamonte Mosley’s fault. If my mother forgot to bring the gravy to the table, she was a lazy bitch and deserved to be dealt with. And if Duane, Tootie and I laughed too loudly while watching television, we needed to be punished. I stood on what I said last night, fuck him.
“You mentioned you went to rehab. What was that like?”
“It was tough, and I was hardheaded. Even though I knew that was exactly where I needed to be, I was resistant. After afew weeks and listening to other people’s stories, I got a little spooked because it was like looking into a crystal ball and seeing what laid ahead for me if I didn’t make changes.”
“Was it scary, the facility?”
“Nah this was the rich people rehab with cucumber water, massages, and guided meditation. I did a lot of hiking.”
Danessa pulled her leg up under her and her robe slipped from her shoulder. “Is that where your love of hiking took shape?”
“Yeah, I see why White folks are into it.”
“And then after, how was the transition back to your normal life?”
“I quickly realized I had to cut people off. The first few months were just work, gym, home for me. And then in NA they talked about finding new hobbies, new ways of having fun that didn’t include drugs. Apparently being a hermit wasn’t sustainable. And then I met Ashley, she was a health nut. I’m talking protein, greens, and powders in her fucking coffee and water. She just made sense because I was trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle, and she was in tune with that world.”
“And you told her about your addiction and rehab?”
“Yeah eventually. In Missouri, me going to rehab was like an open secret. My coach shielded me from a lot of it. There was this unspoken rule with the press. In interviews they’d hint at the prior year being difficult for me, but they never came out and said it. The owner of the Pioneers invested too much money in our team and probably threatened to ruin the lives of anyone who crossed him.”
“Too many questions?”
“No, I expected questions. This is good.”
Danessa pushed her eggs across her plate. Her knowing was a weight lifted off my shoulders. For us to work, she needed to accept the good and the bad. And since we last dated, I’d rackedup a ton of bad habits. I loved Danessa but as long as I’d known her, she’d been hypercritical of things she didn’t understand. When we first met, life was black and white to her and she struggled to see things from different perspectives. Over time she accepted there were variations of gray mixed in there too.
I knew telling her the truth could potentially end us, so I was more than willing to answer any and every question she had. She needed to be able to trust me. And I needed her to know I had no plans on jeopardizing my sobriety. While yes at times I might struggle, I would never forget the progress I made. I entered rehab for myself and no one else and I had to wake up every morning and choose me. My father was a lifelong addict; Duane had his struggles; I was more than my father’s son and the cycle ended with me.
“So tell me how classes are going?” My drama had already occupied too much of this weekend.
“You don’t want to hear about that.”
“I do? I come over every night and your head is in a book. I wake up and you’re on your laptop. But you’ve been tight-lipped about classes, your professors.”
“That’s probably because I feel like I’m a bit in over my head. Right now, it’s like I’m spinning several plates simultaneously with work, school, wedding planning, and you.”
Pulling my face in surprise I asked, “Me?”
“Yeah, I have to make time for you. Something I didn’t plan for when I applied.”
“Am I a distraction?”
Danessa scratched at my beard. “Yes, in the best way. I just need to find the sweet spot.”
I tossed my napkin onto my plate. “You could always put a pause on work.”
“Eventually if things get more hectic I may have to, but I just wanna stack my bank account a little bit more so I feelcomfortable taking the time off. It’s an adjustment but I’m managing. I just have a little less time for me.”
