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She sat down on the bed and shook her head wearily. Why was she doing this? It wasn’t the first time she had asked herself this question. She knew, when it came right down to it, that anything Jesse wanted she would give him willingly. She had known it years ago. She knew it now.
She also knew, though, that no one had given to Jesse in the same manner. Through the years she had known him, watched him as he gave unselfishly of himself. Always. To Thomas, it had been money. The only thing Thomas had ever cared about. For his twin, James, it was his support, continually, no matter where or when. It was the same for her, for his friends. Often, no one had to even ask. If Jesse knew there was need, then Jesse gave.
Just giving herself to him didn’t seem to be enough. She wanted to give to him in the same ways she knew he would give to her. His pleasure alone. A fantasy she knew he had never had. Dominant, alpha Jesse would have never allowed himself to be tied down, giving his control to two women. That was his territory. He bestowed the pleasure; he never selfishly took. And she had been allowing it for as long as she had known him. She had taken all he gave her, never questioning why, never wondering at his needs. Was it really so bad?
She knew it didn’t happen often. That even in Tess and Cole’s relationship it had only happened a handful of times. Just as she knew Jesse would never go back to Tess now. What happened, she wondered, as each of the group married? Why, when it was so imperative before the marriage, did that need to share their women ease later in the relationship? At first she had been unaware it did, until Jesse had brought up the subject months before.
I guess that need just isn’t there, he had said, shrugging. Love changes things, Terrie. It changes a lot. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want the woman I love to know that side of me. Or to miss out on that particular pleasure. It’s a part of who I am.
She hadn’t understood it at the time. Hell, she didn’t know if she understood it now. Why would it change? And why, as she thought about it, did she want to give Jesse that brand of pleasure herself in a small way? A sexual, intensely erotic gift that there was no way in hell she would ever repeat.
She had thought it was to turn the tables on him. Had convinced herself it was. But it wasn’t really. She wanted Jesse to know she accepted him. To know she knew him. To know she understood. And she wanted to give him a gift that she knew no one else ever had.
“Terrie,” Tally sighed as she sat down beside her. “Jesse isn’t a serious thing for me. But you’re my friend. I promise you, when he gets here and we start this, I will take good care of your man and your friendship. ”
Terrie looked at her friend silently. Tally sighed.
“I don’t want Jesse physically, Terrie. You know this. But I know what you want for him. We’re friends, and I want your happiness above anything. So I want to help you do this. ”
Terrie tilted her head, watching the other woman closely. For once, Tally’s dark
gaze held no mockery, no laughter.
“No wonder Jesse doesn’t ever know what to make of you,” she whispered softly. “You’re like him, Tally. Unselfish…”
Tally snorted as she rose quickly to her feet. “No way, Terrie. I’m very selfish. When we’re done, you’re helping me get that job at Conover’s. Your man is a lousy boss. Hell, he caught onto his own filing as though he’s supposed to do it himself,” she grunted. “So never fear, it comes with a price. ”
Terrie hid her smile. She had never known what a true friend she had. But she did now. The nights Tally had forced her out of the house, getting her drunk, tattooed, pierced. Terrie remembered those bleak days clearly. Days when she had fought to make sense of her life, and who she was. Days she had wondered if Thomas had been right. If she was truly less of a woman than she had ever believed. Never enough woman for a man like Jesse.
“Okay, we can do this,” she announced. “He’ll be here in less than an hour. I’ll get him in the handcuffs, but he’s going to be pissed. ”
“Of course he will. ” Tally smiled. “That’s the best part. ” She rubbed her hands together with mocking eagerness. “Can we blindfold him?”
Chapter Ten
Terrie was waiting for Jesse when he stepped slowly into the bedroom. The house was dark, lit only by the candles that showed the way from the front door, up the stairs and into her room. The bedroom was lit by dozens of the small scented candles, casting his expression in shadow. But she caught a glimpse of his somber expression as he stepped into the room.
Tally was waiting on the screened-in back porch, watching for the bedroom light to flicker. The sign that she could enter. What Terrie had to say to Jesse, she wanted no one else to hear.
She watched as he pushed his hands into his slacks’ pockets, watching her carefully, his green eyes quiet, reflective as she sat on the bed, dressed only in the short silk gown she had donned.
“Why do I have a feeling you want to talk first?” he quipped almost too seriously.
“Because you know me that well,” she said softly, watching him a bit sadly. “You always have. Even when I was too young to know what it meant. And when I was too stupid to accept what it was. ”
He leaned against her dresser, watching her quietly. Terrie felt her chest tighten at the flood of emotion that washed over her. He was so strong, even now, as he watched her uncertainly, his eyes brilliant with all the emotions she had never realized were there before.
“You were never stupid, Terrie,” he said quietly. “Frightened. Innocent…”
“And too stupid to know what I was feeling or what I wanted,” she finished for him. “I love you, Jesse. I always have loved you. ”
He frowned, his expression brooding, intense. “I know that, Terrie. I always knew that. ”
She tilted her head. He wasn’t lying. She could see just how very serious he was.
“And you love me,” she whispered, fighting her tears. “You loved me, before Thomas. ”
He breathed out roughly. “Before Thomas, during Thomas, now,” he growled. “Love doesn’t just turn off, Terrie. What do you want me to say?”
