“Of course. No need to apologize. Come with me.” He led her down the street, keeping his arms around her. “A lot of stuff closed early today, but I think the library’s still open. It’s just a block away.”
Mallory knew where the library was, but her vision was blurring, and she had to close her eyes a few times as they walked. In her disoriented state, she suddenly became acutely aware how much she was trusting this man—how vulnerable she was letting herself be with him. Sure, she’d been spending a lot of time with James over the past week or so, but she had never been this close with someone so quickly. If she wasn’t so overwhelmed by everything else, this realization might’ve made her think twice about letting James practically carry her into the library.
“Here, here, sit.” He slowly lowered her onto one of the more comfortable chairs. “I’ll get you some water.”
Mallory could feel other eyes on her, and she heard James faintly whisper to someone near the water fountain. She tried to focus on her breathing, hoping to bring her heart rate down. She felt like a fool. How could she have so little control over her emotions? It was also extremely mortifying that James had been right there when she almost collapsed in the middle of the sidewalk. At the time, it had felt like a miracle, because there was no one else she would’ve wanted to see. But now, Mallory was filled with shame and winced at her own reaction.
So embarrassing.
Gripping her head, she closed her eyes and counted. Her body shook a few times and then stilled when she felt a warm, gentle hand on her upper back. It was James. “Here, I got you some water,” he said with a soft voice and handed her the cup. Taking it from his hands, she sipped it slowly before closing her eyes again.
“Do you want me to call anyone?” he asked. “Your parents or—”
“No,” she said sharply. “No. I’m fine. I just need a minute.”
James nodded and pulled one of the chairs over next to hers. He sat down and said nothing for a while. Mallory just felt better having him close, and it didn’t take her long to start to relax. When she finally felt like she could put her thoughts into words, she turned to him and smiled. “Thanks,” she said. “I think I probably would’ve had a full-on panic attack if you hadn’t shown up.”
“No need to thank me,” he said. “I’m just glad I happened to be walking down the street at that time.”
“Yeah, I am too.” She laughed. “Happy coincidence.”
“Or fate.”
“Or that.” Her cheeks warmed a little. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I thought I was okay, I just went out for a walk to get some air, but then when I stopped moving, I was just struck by all these emotions and next thing I knew, I couldn’t breathe. I haven’t had a panic attack since I was a kid, and even then, they weren’t a regular occurrence or anything.”
“Do you—I mean—Can I ask what happened? Do you know what brought it on?”
She sighed and let out a soft, weary chuckle. “Yes. I know.”
James waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts.
“I just found out something about my parents that Inever—in a million years—would have thought,” she said. “It was jarring, to say the least, and I just wanted to get away from it all... But that obviously didn’t work.” She snorted and shook her head. “In fact, this is so much worse than it would’ve been if I’d just stayed home and processed my emotions there.” She gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “No, it's okay. Really, I don’t mind. Do… Do you want to talk about it a little, or do you wanna talk about something else?”
“That’s a very good question.” Drinking the rest of her water, she glanced around at the overly bright library and the strangers that walked casually up and down the aisles. Even though she did feel like talking, she didn’t feel comfortable getting into any of it in a public place. “I’ll tell you about it, but maybe we can just get out of here first?”
“Yeah? You feel like you can get up?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay. Maybe we could just go for a drive or something?”
“Absolutely. My car isn’t parked too far. I’ll go get it and meet you outside on the curb in just a couple minutes.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“Do you think you can get outside on your own?”
Mallory thought about it for a second, but she couldn’t bear the embarrassment of having him carry her out of the building in front of these people, so she insisted she’d be perfectly alright and sent him on his way.
*
“I feel like you’re not fully grasping the gravity of the situation,” Mallory said.
It was raining softly outside. Mallory and James had been driving around for a little over half an hour, and she’d told him everything. James listened intently but he hadn’t given her much of a reaction. Mallory wondered if she hadn’t told the story correctly.
“Hmm?” He frowned at her when they came to a red light. “Oh, sorry. No, I can absolutely see why you’re upset. I’m sure I’d be freaking out too if I were you. I was just putting everythingtogether in my head while you were talking. Or at least, trying to.”
She laughed. “And were you successful? Because I have to say, I’m still having trouble fitting the pieces in place.”
