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“The past isn’t why I do it now. ” He shook his head. “It’s not some kind of damned crutch, Kei. And it’s not just a handy excuse. That’s what started it. That’s how it evolved. When we married I left it, and I learned some things about myself. I learned that I missed it. I learned that I can’t watch your pleasure and give it to you at the same time. I learned that I need the balance I had left back in Virginia. My psyche was warped before I ever shared the first woman, and age only intensified it. You have all I am now. It’s up to you whether you can live with it. ”
“You’re asking me to love another man. ” Her voice was filled with helpless confusion. “This isn’t just sex you want, Mac. Think about this. If I ever have children, you’ll never know if they’re yours. Our children would endure the gossip and the talk Mac, what you’re asking is impossible. ”
“Is it? Or do you just want to think it is? How we deal with it is what matters. How you want to deal with it. I can live without it, but I won’t deny I want it. I want you to share not just your body, I want you to share your heart. ”
“Why? Damn you, you haven’t given me a reason why. ”
“Because he’s as lost as I was before you loved me. Because he’s the only fucking brother I’ve ever had. Damn it, Keiley, because it brings us all three of us pleasure and it by God completes us and you know it. ”
Mac came to his feet, fighting the surge of frustration eating through his soul. He inhaled roughly.
“I’ve lived a violent life. I’ve made enemies. I’ve been undercover so many times, for such long periods of time, that sometimes I wondered who I was. Jethro was always there. He was always a reminder. And he’s here now, protecting you when I can’t. Covering my back and yours. You’re not losing anything if you accept this, you’ll only gain, Keiley. You’ll be loved until the walls are bursting at the seams with emotion. Loved and sated, completely. Think about that. Think about it, and then let me know if you really want to lose it. ”
“It’s not a good enough reason,” she cried out.
“It’s the only fucking reason I have, Keiley,” he yelled back. “I need you. I love you until it burns through my soul, but son of a bitch, I love you even more when I see you with him. ”
“Why? Why?” she screamed.
“God damn it, I don’t know why,” he snarled back, raging, an inner fury she had never seen in him before burning through his eyes, his expression. A pain, a blistering agony that Keiley felt ripping through her soul. Because she had never known it existed.
18
“Do you know what I see when I see him taking you?” He advanced on her, his larger body taut, tight with tension with a sudden lust she had never glimpsed in him before.
He backed her into the counter, his arms bracketing her, his chest raking her breasts through the dress she wore as his breath sawed in and out of his lungs. The eroticism of the position stroked along her senses like invisible fire.
“I see perfection,” he growled. “I see his hands touching you. And I don’t see a whore. I see beauty. I see life. I see you giving into the most perfect passion ever created. And I get to watch it. I see a woman so filled with passion and love that she gives herself to it. I see love, Keiley. ”
His head lowered, his lips drawn back from his teeth in a grimace of remembered pleasure as his eyes darkened and gleamed with it. Remembrance marked his expression. But it also marked her arousal. It was burning through her, reminding her of the fantasies she had allowed to build over the years and the hunger Mac was brewing in her now.
“Mac—”
“Deny that the nights it takes me all night to sate the arousal inside you, you don’t wish for more. ” Knowledge tightened his expression. “I see your eyes then, baby. I see the need. I see the fires burning inside you. Don’t tell me you haven’t craved it. ”
She wanted to whimper and only barely managed to hold it back. Sometimes she knew he saw too much, knew him too well.
“Fantasy. ” She swallowed tightly before licking her lips to ease the nervous dryness. “Fantasy shouldn’t count. ”
“Fantasy always counts, Keiley,” he crooned, his smile slow and heated. “You’re fantasies mean everything. Anything you want. Everything you need. It all matters to me, darlin’. Don’t you know that? Your fantasies. ” His lips smoothed over her brow. “Every hunger. ” His voice deepened. “Every dream. ”
A tremor raced up her spine as she drew in a hard, deep breath.
“He’s taking what’s yours,” she whispered, feeling the heaviness in her breasts, between her thighs, at the memory of Jethro taking her, at the feel of Mac against her.
Mac shook his head slowly. “I don’t possess you. I don’t want to take from you, Keiley. I want to give to you. I want to give you enough pleasure to wipe every preconceived notion of passion out of your head. And I want to watch it. When I fuck you, I’m sucked in. Sucked into that sweet hot pussy. Sucked into your kiss. Sucked into your heart. I can’t see or feel anything but the explosions of sensation in front of my eyes. But when he touches you, when he takes you, I can see. And I can see it turns you on. It makes you burn. You love it. Admit you love it. ”
His lips were hot, rasping with such pleasure that it sent shudders racing through her as he stroked them over her jaw. Soft kisses, black velvet rasping over sensitive flesh.
“I love it,” she panted, breathless as one hand dropped from the counter to her thigh. “But it’s not natural. ”
“Says who?” His lips brushed down her cheek, his voice guttural, savage. “Does it feel natural, Keiley? Does it feel like he should have been here all long, loving you with me? Keeping you warm from one end to the other? Keeping you sated, held?”
It did, and that terrified her.
“Someone’s going to get hurt,” she whimpered. “I don’t want any of us to get hurt. I don’t want to be hurt. ”
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