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As they stepped into the first floor apartment, Jaci gazed around at the open, airy layout of the converted warehouse and felt something clench inside her.
“This is your level?” she asked, looking toward the stairs. “Chase’s is upstairs?”
He stood beside her and stared around the room as well, before turning back to her with a short nod.
Jaci’s throat tightened. It was so deserted. There was nothing but the most minimal furniture. No pictures or personal items, no little knickknacks or souvenirs. It was a place, it wasn’t a home, nor did it have a feeling of life. Dear God, as she stared around she realized that, in some ways, this was what she had always seen inside Cam. A man that refused to let himself belong.
He cleared his throat, standing beside her. “It gets a little dusty sometimes. ”
Cam stared around the apartment, wondering what had put that look of abject sorrow on her face. Hell, he had the place cleaned weekly, it wasn’t as though there could be much wrong with it, except the dusting. Well, actually, he couldn’t see any dust, but he knew his cleaning lady was a little lax where the dusting was concerned.
“A little dusty,” she whispered faintly as she sat her briefcase and purse on the wide table beside her and stared around again.
This went way beyond a little dusting, Jaci thought sadly. It was empty. Almost soulless. And Cam wasn’t soulless. She stared up at him as he looked out at the room again, and she saw that edge of complete aloneness that seemed to surround him.
It had been there seven years before, that distance he forced between himself and the world. It was more apparent here, though, in this place he called home. The complete starkness of it was heartbreaking.
“What’s wrong with it?” he suddenly growled. “The place is clean. I’m not exactly a slob. ”
“No, you’re not a slob,” she said sadly. “You’re very neat, Cam. ”
“Yeah, well, neatness is a virtue,” he continued to grump, as he headed away from her toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I can have something ordered in. ” He pulled the refrigerator door open and glared inside before jerking a beer free, then slammed it closed again.
“I’m going to guess the only thing your refrigerator holds is beer,” she ventured. “Do you ever actually live here?” She stared around again.
“Every day,” he almost snarled.
“Really? I bet Chase’s level looks totally different. ”
“Chase is a slob. ” He was glaring at her now. “A damned packrat. He has to have every fricken momento and gift everyone ever gave him. They line the damned walls. ”
He slapped the beer on the counter and braced his h
ands flat on the gray marbled top. “Do you have a problem with where I live, Jaci?”
“None whatsoever. ” She shrugged. “But I think I’d prefer a clinic. It would be less sterile. ”
Surprise registered on his face as she paced through the large open apartment to a set of tall glass doors that led out to an open balcony. “What the hell does that mean?”
She opened the doors and breathed in the scent of the rain. The thunder and lightning had moved into the distance, but the rain continued to drench the world outside. The clouds were low and heavy, fog rose in misty sheets, giving the grounds an otherworldly appearance and a feeling that they were the only inhabitants in a mystical world.
Jaci usually loved the rain and the fog, but today it seemed to emphasize the complete sterility of Cam’s life. Had he done it deliberately? Or was it really just so much a part of him that he didn’t even realize it?
“The apartment isn’t sterile. ” He moved behind her, the heat of his body spreading along her back as his hands bracketed her hips with a firm, almost desperate grip.
“Yes it is,” she said. “And I wonder if it isn’t deliberate. ”
She glanced over her shoulder at his closed expression, the stark, icy green eyes, before turning back to the rain. Dampness pelted her face—cool, inviting, drawing her into an almost primal awareness of it. Rain cleansed and eased, and it always had been a source of peace for her.
“How long has it been since you played in the rain?” she asked, smiling as the wind drove a sheet of dampness against them.
She mesmerized him. Seeing her there, a teasing imp in her eyes, yet with that glimmer of sadness still shining. How was he supposed to resist her?
Cam was silent for long moments before he finally answered. “Too long to remember. ”
She didn’t look back at his face. She was afraid if she did she would cry. She could hear the loneliness in his tone, sense the male confusion caused by her expression.
She took a deep breath and swallowed tightly before turning her head and staring up at him, seeing all the things she had heard in his voice.
