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“Trust you first, huh?” She smiled sadly. “Doesn’t work that way. ”
She moved back to the balcony. The rain had eased to a drizzle, the soft breeze that blew through was almost cooling. She collected her clothes, wrung them out as best she could, then moved back into the apartment. “Where’s your dryer?”
His gaze raked over her, then the clothes. “Subject’s not changing that easy, sweetheart. ”
“Conversation is over,” she told him.
A second later she was against the wall again, staring at his furious face in shock. The towel was lying on the floor, and Cam was holding her in place. Not painfully, but carefully, as he glowered down at her.
“You’re not leaving here,” he snapped. “When I said you were mine I wasn’t joking. I’ll be damned if I’m letting you go again this easily. ”
“Does that mean you’re sleeping with me tonight, Chase?” She pressed her hands flat against his chest, and knew the answer when she felt the flinch that raced through his muscles. “Can’t do it, can you? Well, guess what? I can’t let you leave me feeling like something you bought for the night, either. ”
He released her slowly, but she saw the struggle in his eyes, in his expression. Letting her go was just as damned hard for him as it was going to be for her to walk away.
“I need to dry my clothes,” she told him, forcing herself to hold back the tears.
How could she have let this happen? Hadn’t she hurt enough over the years? Lost enough?
She clenched her teeth and breathed in roughly as she watched him jerk the wet clothes from the floor and stomp away toward what was obviously an enclosed bathroom on the other end of the cavernous room.
A few minutes later he returned, dressed himself, and brought her a T-shirt.
“Put this on. ” His voice was still tight, savage.
Jaci stared back at him miserably, aching for things that didn’t even have a name. She stared around the open apartment, seeing so much emptiness, and wondered what made her think that Cam would be able to let her fill any part of his life.
God, she wasn’t twenty-one any longer. She should have stopped dreaming of fairy tales a long time ago. Cam’s heart was as empty as his apartment, and she knew she couldn’t survive loving him with nothing in return. She needed his love just as desperately as she needed to love him.
Pressing her lips tightly together to hold back the pain, she finished drying off, then pulled the T-shirt over her head. It was obviously his, or perhaps Chase’s. Though she doubted that in his present mood, he would give her one of Chase’s shirts to wear.
“I want you to move your things from the hotel to here. ” His voice was strained, as though he knew the request he was making was ludicrous.
Jaci just stared back at him silently for a long moment before staring around the sterile apartment.
“No. ”
“Look, you don’t like this place? Do whatever the hell you want to it,” he said, waving his hand stiffly to indicate the large area. “I don’t want you at that hotel. I want you here. With me. ”
“And where will you sleep?”
He drew in a hard, deep breath. “I don’t sleep in the bed. I use the couch, anyway. ”
“I’m not looking for a roommate, Cam. ”
She watched his jaw clench spasmodically and felt her heart ache at that sudden flash of pain in his eyes. He stared around the apartment as though searching for answers, searching desperately for the argument that would sway her.
“Look, we could try it for a while. ” He flexed his shoulders as though shifting a weight he suddenly realized he carried. “What the hell will it hurt, Jaci? You want to be here, you know you do. This isn’t something either one of us can walk away from now. ”
“You appear to be quite good at walking away from it,” she argued. “What’s going to happen, Cam? You and Chase have me, but it’s Chase you would allow to wrap his arms around me and hold me through the night, while you lie in solitary splendor on that big couch?” She waved her hand toward the couch. “Doesn’t it ever get lonely? Don’t you ever wish you were brave enough to cuddle your lover on your own?”
“Not until you. ” His voice echoed with despair. “Not until you, Jaci. And you have more of me than any other woman could ever have. ”
Cam watched the emotions flicker over Jaci’s face and felt the fragments of his heart cracking, breaking. She didn’t bother to hide her emotions. They were there for him to see, and he hated seeing the pain in her eyes. He hated it even worse, because he had put the pain there.
His gaze flickered to the couch. The wide frame, firm cushions—the piece of furniture had been bought solely because of its sleepability. Because, since his teens, he couldn’t fucking bear sleeping in a bed for more than a few hours at a time.
He could still remember the sensation of his flesh crawling, awakening to the feeling of hands touching him, a whining voice demanding him. The last time it had happened, he had nearly killed.
