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She stared back at him, her chest aching as her heart clenched at the pain in his face. She shook her head slowly. She didn’t have the right to give Chase answers that Cam wouldn’t. But, God, she wanted to. She wanted to know why her lover hurt so desperately that he couldn’t even bear to share a bed with her.
“He shares them because he can’t hold them. Because he can’t bring himself to give them more than the pleasure of his body. It’s my job to hold them through the night, while he finds a couch to sleep on,” he snapped out. “Is that what you want? Do you want me holding you while he sleeps on that fucking couch?”
“If that was what I wanted, then I would have come to your bed, rather than the damned couch he shares with me,” she retorted. “For God’s sake, Chase, what do you want from me? He hasn’t told me anything, and if he had, do you think I could tell you? Do you think I’d betray him like that?”
She pushed her fingers through her hair again, and this time she clenched the strands furiously as she turned away from him.
He looked so much like Cam. There were no scars, the haunted shadows weren’t the same, but in his expression, in his eyes, she could see his pain and his worry.
“When we were fifteen years old, he began disappearing at night,” Chase bit out. “Until that summer, I could always feel him, knew when he was hurting, when he had nightmares. We always shared our nightmares, Jaci. After that, it was as though my brother, my twin who I had shared space with since conception, was dead. He walked and he talked, but I couldn’t feel him. I couldn’t talk to him. By God, I couldn’t reach him. Now I’m asking for your help. ”
Her help? Jaci stared back at him in disbelief, wondering how the hell she was supposed to help him when she couldn’t even help herself where Cam was concerned.
“You’re asking me to betray him. ” She dropped her hands from her hair and stared back at him miserably. “Even if I knew anything, Chase, how could you ask me to do that?”
“Because he’s my brother and I need to know who to fucking kill for what happened to him. ”
Her lips parted as she fought to drag in air. He wasn’t joking. Just as Cam hadn’t been joking seven years before when he threatened to kill for her.
“You and Cam just seem to have this thing about killing people,” she exclaimed. “Tell me, Chase, where do you hide all the bodies?”
The grimace of disgust that twisted his face would have been amusing, if the conversation were a different one. He breathed in roughly, obviously gritting his teeth as she crossed her arms over her breasts and stared back at him, sorrow building inside her.
She could see the fear in his brother’s eyes, and she hated knowing that fear was for the man she loved.
“Cam’s still alive,” she finally whispered. “Whatever happened to him, he survived. ”
“Do you call that surviving?” He straightened from the door and shot her a furious glare, then paced across the room before turning back to her. “Is that what you call it?”
“He walks, he talks, he smiles, and he laughs,” she whispered. “He’s fighting his demons the only way he knows how. And he’s trying to love me. Do I have the right to ask for anything more?”
She had left him. She realized that she walked away from any right she had to call his demons her own, but that didn’t stop her from doing it, and it didn’t stop her from aching at the loss she sensed inside Cam. And Chase.
“Is that enough for you?” He propped his hands on his hips and stared back at her knowingly.
No, it wasn’t enough for her, but it was that or leave. And she wasn’t going anywhere. Not yet. Not as long as Cam could tolerate her laying at his feet.
“For now,” she finally answered him.
“You’re not even going to fight for him, are you?” Chase shook his head as though in disbelief.
“Chase, what do you think I’m doing now?” She held her hands out demandingly, before they dropped to her side. “Do you think I liked having him walk away from me five minutes after he thought I was asleep? Do you think I enjoy seeing the hunger that’s building inside him, knowing what he wants and what he needs, and being unable to give it to him? Do you think I enjoy seeing his pain?”
“Then do something, Jaci. ”
“Like what?” She almost yelled the words back at him. “What the hell do you want me to do? Hurt him worse? Blackmail him? ‘Sorry, Cam, but you spill your secrets or do without me’? Damn you, Chase, what the hell do you want from me?”
“I want you to fight for him this time. ” He was suddenly in front of her, his hands gripping her shoulders as he gave them a little shake, shocking her with the depth of his anger. “Damn you, stop fucking letting him take the easy way out, like you did the last time. If you’re going to let him get away with this macho, closed-mouth bullshit, then you may as well just fucking leave the same way you got here. ”
He pushed her away, stomped across the room, then turned back, his eyes blazing in accusation as the office door slammed open.
Jaci flinched as the panel slammed into the wall and Cam strode in, fury lining every strong, sharp contour in his face as his gaze found and pinned Chase.
“Cam. ” She moved for him.
“Stay put!” His finger stabbed in her direction, drawing her to an abrupt halt, shock rocking her on her feet as the two brothers faced off.
Both were furious. She watched their bodies tense, watched as they glared back at each other.
