He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t let himself. But he hated that he’d let himself get worked up at all. He reminded himself that hedidn’tget upset by this anymore. That he accepted his childhood for what it was, and he had moved past it.
It was Trevor’s fault. Because Trevor was an attentive dad who took care of his kids, of course he would find the way Connor had grown up strange.
“What happened to Laurence’s mom? I haven’t heard about her from anyone,” Connor asked. He saw Trevor working himself up to say something, and he didn’t care to hear whatever heartfelt assurance it was going to be. Not when he was afraid it might push him further toward emotional instability. Not when a kind word would upset him more than a raised voice ever could.
“Hannah,” Trevor said after a pause. He set down the kitchen knife next to the sliced cucumber.
Connor knew from one glimpse at Trevor’s face that this wouldn’t be a story of a runaway bride or a terrible mother who Trevor had to save his kids from. Connor didn’t want to hear about how Laurence had a perfect mom as well as a dad.
“I don’t want to know, actually,” Connor said before Trevor could continue. It was a moment of utter weakness. Trevor looked at him, and Connor was caught. “It’s going to be a sad story, isn’t it? I asked because I thought you’d separated. I don’t want to bring up bad memories. It’s too early in the day for that.”
“Seems I was doing the same to you only a moment ago.”
Connor pressed his lips flat together to keep his expression level. “I don’t have any bad memories of being out on the water,” he said.
Trevor’s eyes were full of sympathy. “Hannah passed away giving birth to Laurence. I lost her, and the boys never got the chance to know her, which is…” He turned and set his back against the counter. “I can’t put into words how that still feels, even now. ‘Sad’ doesn’t do the feeling justice.”
“Of course it doesn’t,” Connor found himself answering, despite the sharp prickle of pain against his heart. From the moment he’d met Trevor, he’d seemed confident and sure, like someone who’d never had to deal with anything bad happening to him. But the heavy sadness in his eyes now was overwhelming.
“Laurence is a lot like her,” Trevor said, his voice brightening.
“So she was a spoiled brat?”
Trevor laughed.
Connor released a relieved breath, glad he’d risked voicing the jab. Glad that Trevor understood him enough to know that the remark had been in no way negative.
“I suppose I do spoil Laurence a bit…” Trevor admitted. “Even if he is wilful, he listens to me. Sometimes.” He looked sideways at Connor.
“And I don’t?” Connor interpreted the look. “I’ve always been a troublemaker. Just ask Edith.”
“I’ve heard all about it. And there was the incident with the wedding, which I’ll admit, did throw me a bit,” Trevor said in good humour. “But now that I’ve met you, I think the issue is more to do with you being too smart for your own good.”
“I’m a smart alec?” Connor asked, raising his eyebrows at Trevor.
“I mean it literally. You’re too clever, and I can only imagine how you would have run rings around me if I’d been around when you were younger than you are now.”
Connor let out an amused breath. “You’re the first to accuse me of that.”
“Ah ha, I don’t believe that for a second,” Trevor said, amused. “I’ve seen your school transcripts. You’ve had straight A’s in everything since you started class.”
“And what did the behaviour margins say?” Connor asked. “I’m always in trouble at school.”
“That you get bored,” Trevor said. “Rush through the work to read whatever book you’ve brought with you. And no matter how often you’ve been told otherwise, you refuse to do anything else.”
Connor let out an amused breath. He knew that there was far more than that written in the margins; his mom made sure he knew how exasperating all his teachers found him. “I do listen to you, by the way. But I’m not going to do what you say if it’s unreasonable.”
“Not going out alone on the water is unreasonable?”
“For me? Very.”
“If I get you another phone, one that you bring out on the water, can you message me updates? Just to say that you’re okay? I know this might feel heavy-handed to you, but I really will feel more at ease,” Trevor asked him, his expression open and coaxing as if to will Connor to agree with him.
“Fine.” Connor couldn’t say no to the earnest request, and it wasn’t like it would take much effort on his part.
Chapter Sixteen
The water wasn’t as calm when he got down to the shore. Connor tied his cooler to the board as Trevor hovered behind him, watching over his shoulder.
