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Her lack of confidence in herself had thrown her, though. In these two years she had learned that the marriage to Drew had somehow torn aside that shield of confidence and security she had always known. She had let him take that from her, and that was her own fault. It was intolerable. It wouldn't be allowed any longer, but it was her own fault.
And she damned sure wasn't about to let another man, a man who meant much more to her than Drew ever had, rip the rest of it away from her.
Straightening, she turned and stared at the couch. Her pillow lay on the arm, and it belonged in the bed.
Inhaling deeply she stalked over to it, jerked the pillow from the couch, and headed for the bedroom. No matter how long it took, she would learn to sleep in that damned bed. No matter how large it was, or how lonely it became. And tomorrow, the moment she left the office, she would stop and purchase that electric blanket. And perhaps a few adult toys to go along with it.
She undressed, showered. She washed the scent of Chase from her body, and if her tears mixed in the water, she didn't worry about them. She toweled off, dried her hair, and moved to the bed. She crawled into the center of it and propped the extra pillows behind her back and held on to another. With the sheet and comforter pulled over her, she could almost imagine Chase was holding her.
Almost.
It would have to be enough.
The upstairs door to Cha
se's apartment slammed with enough force that Jaci jerked against Cam's chest where they sat on the couch, and stared at the ceiling.
The sound of boots stomping against the hardwood floor upstairs vibrated down, and her brows arched as she turned to Cameron.
What explanation was he supposed to give her? He stared at the ceiling, and his chest ached. He could feel the echo of the wild, tumultuous emotions raging through his brother and wished there was a way to make it easier.
"What the hell is going on up there?" Jaci asked slowly, frowning as he pulled her tighter into his arms. Cam thanked God he didn't face the nights alone anymore.
Cam sighed at her question. "He's falling in love. " If he hadn't already fallen. Kia Rutherford had always been a weak spot with Chase. Cam did not doubt that Chase had always felt something for her.
"So that's worth slamming his door off the hinges and pounding on his floor?" she asked skeptically.
Cam shook his head. "Not a bad thing, sweetheart. But for Chase, possibly, a little unfamiliar. He's not going to handle it well at all. "
He stroked her arms, remembering how he had fought falling in love himself, how hard letting go had been, how difficult to admit to the feelings that had taken root inside him.
"I bet Kia's not pounding the floors. " She sniffed. "Probably crying into her pillow. He's going to break her heart, isn't he?"
Cam pulled her closer. "Did I break your heart?"
"Dented it a little. Maybe. " She had shed tears for him, ached and hurt for him, but her heart had always been whole and had wholly belonged to him.
He smiled against her hair. "It's a guy thing. It makes us vulnerable. All our pride, our emotions, and everything we are get tangled up around one person who could so easily destroy it. It's the warrior instinct, losing a battle to a silken, soft, defenseless woman. We're brought emotionally to our knees. Chase will fight it every step of the way. "
"Why?" She shook her head, leaning back to stare up at him, obviously trying to make sense of it. "Why would you want to?"
Cam shook his head. "That first realization that your heart, soul, strength, everything you are, belongs to someone else isn't always easy, Jaci. Because a man realizes how easily it can be taken from him, either by death or by design or pure ignorance on our own part. That instinct, that knowledge, when it first awakens, is a damned frightening thing. "
"You don't seem so frightened, Cam. " Her smile was all woman and made him harder than hell. But it also reminded him that he had fought those feelings just as hard as Chase was fighting them now. For different reasons, but he had fought.
"If I lose you, I lose myself, and I know that. But holding you, the pleasure and the need and the hunger hold the fears at bay. But have no doubt, any man who tried to take what's mine would die. And if death should steal you from me, Jaci, then I'd follow you swiftly. "
He watched her eyes well with tears, watched a single drop ease from them.
"I love you the same, Cam," she whispered. "Always. Forever. "
He held her to him, his gaze going to the ceiling again as he prayed Chase lost the battle he was fighting inside himself.
Losing Jaci would kill Cam. But having her completed him. It was a completion his brother and Kia deserved.
Chase stomped to the sink, jerked the whiskey from the cabinet, and sloshed the dark amber liquid into a shot glass before tossing it back and grimacing at the fiery blast that hit the back of his throat and flowed to his stomach.
Hell, it had been a long time since he'd done more than sip at the liquor. Many years since he had upended a bottle to see how much he could take in one long drink.
