“I don’t think so. Not much there for me, you know?” I do know, thinking of his wife and my niece who were killed in a car accident about 13 years ago. There isn’t anything back there except bad memories and a couple headstones.
“Yeah, I know. The girls would love to see you sometime, though. So maybe if you’re headed somewhere warm with a decent hotel, we could come visit?” Most of his trips revolve around some sort of grueling mountain excursion that’s almost always remote and definitely below freezing. I may never understand it.I hopeI'll never understand it. Losing a child, that has to be the heaviest grief to carry. I hear the echo of Rose,the weight in his bones, sending a chill down my spine.
He takes a moment before responding. “That’d be nice,” and he drains his glass, getting up to put it in the sink. Guess that means this is goodbye.
“I’m leaving in a couple days, but if you want to get lunch or dinner before I do, just let me know, okay?” I keep trying, but I get that he wants solitude. I can understand that. He nods his head again and heads towards the door, urn and keys in hand. He offers me a half hug and I accept. This is him trying his best, I’m sure.
“Take care, sis.” And he’s out the door.
The nights are finally starting to get a bit warmer here at the lake, so tonight I brought my dinner outside, curling up in a throw blanket on the outdoor sofa. My phone rings and I’m surprised it’s Caroline. She’s normally asleep by now.
“Hi, baby. Everything okay?”
“No,” she says it through a sob. I immediately set down my plate, averting all my focus to her.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” I’m standing now, pacing back and forth in front of the sofa.
“Dad and his, his stupid girlfriend. He took us to dinner tonight to meet her. And well, I guess she’s not his girlfriend anymore, Mom, they’re engaged!” I wasn’t expecting this reaction from her. I feel awful I’m not there to console her.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. She is a nice person, though it might just take some time to get to know her. How did Elodie take it?”
“Oh, they’re best friends! Talked all night about some person on TikTok they both follow.” I laugh inwardly. God, Summerisyoung. I’m at a loss for what to say. I mean people barely get trained on parenting as it is, aside from those stupid sacks of flour you had to carry around for three days in high school. There’s no guide for how to deal with a teenage daughter who was just introduced to her new step mom who was formerly her dad’s assistant. As Elodie would say,cringe.
“I mean, that’s cool that she’s into TikTok. I know you guys are always trying to talk to me about stuff on there and I never have a clue what you mean.”
“No Mom, it’s not cool. She’s not you.”
“Sweetie, weren’t you just trying to encourage me to date like a month ago?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean Dad can! This is all his fault. He shouldn’t get to look so happy with her, after he ruined our family. It’s not fair. He’s out dating and enjoying his life, and you’re in California spreading grandma’s ashes, alone!” She sounds hysterical at this point, poor baby. My heart breaks that she thinks our family is ruined, that she also thinks I’m alone. I haven’t told the girls about Liam yet. It just hasn’t felt like the right time.
“Caroline, our family isn’t ruined. I’m still here. Dad is still here. We’re still a team, we’re just adding some players and changing where home base is sometimes, but we’re all still on the same team. We all still love each other.” I can hear her sniffles in the background, but it sounds like she’s coming down from the sobs. “And who knows? Maybe Summer likes roller coasters that go upside down. And then you’ll always have a partner at theme parks! Better yet, maybe she’s actually good at French braids, unlike me, who couldn’t do it if your life depended on it.” I don’t want to oversell it yet. “Please try not to focus on what may have been lost, try and see what you could potentially gain. I wouldn’t have let Dad introduce her to you if I thought she was a bad person. I promise.”
“Ugh, she did have her hair braided into a headband. I spent the entire dinner trying to figure out how she did it.” A laugh bursts free from me at her comment. Of course Summer has great hair, she’s never had postpartum hair loss. Caroline half laughs, half sniffles, too.
“See, that’s the spirit!”
“But Mom, I’m still worried…about you, you know? You’re not upset that Dad’s moved on?”
“Well, no, not really. I was at one point, but it’s something I’m moving past. I’ve had a little bit more time than you to get used to the idea of your dad with someone else. So, no, I’m not upset…and I really don’t want you to worry about me, okay? I, well, I was trying to wait till I was home to tell you, but I actually met someone. Actually, I already knew him, but I’m dating him now.”
“What?! Are you moving out there?”
“What? No! I live in Virginia, with you guys. He and I are going totryto continue seeing each other once I come home, but I’m not planning to move here.”
“Well, I wouldn’t mind living in California, in case you were wondering.”
I laugh again, “Ha! Your dad would love that, I’m sure. But no, your school is in Virginia. So that’s where I’ll be. Okay?”
“What’s his name?”
“Liam.”
“OMG, are you dating Liam Hemsworth?”
“Bahaha, NO! Not everyone in California is a celebrity, sweetie.”
“I know, but I can dream, right?”
