“Yeah, I wonder why?” My response is heavy with sarcasm. “I thought I was going to have to sit next to my replacement for seven innings.” This elicits a deep belly laugh from my father-in-law.
“Love, no one could replace you,” Allan says jovially, then moves to embrace me the same way he always has, like the daughter he never had. His warmth bolsters me. “I’m going to go save us some seats, I’ll see y'all in there,” Allan says, reading the room like an expert.
“Britain, I wouldn’t just show up to a public event for our children with a new girlfriend in tow. Not without the girls having met her first. Hell, not without them knowing I’m evenina relationship. I’m not a monster.” He’s right, he’s not a monster. It feels good to villainize him because it helps me feel better. The honest truth is we’ve both been the villains of our story. No one is right, and no one is wrong. We’re just two people trying their best. I slide my sunglasses over my eyes to hide the tears starting to well up.
“You just said ‘we’ll’ and I figured you meant…” I can barely bring myself to say it, but maturity meeting maturity, I force out “Summer.”
“I’ve never tried to hurt you. I’m not trying to hurt you now. You have to believe that. Please believe that?” He looks down at me, and I can see the sincerity in his eyes.
“I know.” It’s the truth. I know it, he knows it. It’s still sucky. “Look, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to face the two of you together at an event…” I wave my hand around the area to gesture that I don’t have the right words, but to understand the gist of what I mean. “I’ll get there eventually. Just not yet, okay?”
“Britain, of course.” Damian softly replies.
I want to be good at this, this whole divorce thing. It’s hard, but I really want to try for the sake of the girls. And so, I extend the olive branch, reluctantly.
“If you want to introduce Summer to the girls,privately, I’d be okay with that.” My voice is barely above a whisper. The words have barely finished leaving my lips when Damian embraces me in a tight hug.
“Thank you,” is his whispered response.
We’re interrupted by a loud shriek across the parking lot, and Damian and I instantly separate.
“Mom! Dad!!” Elodie is waving her hand to get our attention. She turns around giving the group of friends she was walking with a quick goodbye then jogs over to meet us. I embrace my happy girl, savoring the hug deeply then turn her over to her dad. The two peas in a pod. She’s the prettier, carbon copy of him.
“Where’s Papa? I thought you said he was coming with you?” Of course my daughter knew Papa was coming today,notSummer. Damian and I share a gentle laugh, full well knowing the inside joke there.
“He’s saving us some seats. Come on, let’s go,” he says, then pulls Elodie into his side to start making their way to the bleachers. Watching them walk together, Damian’s arm draped around Elodie’s shoulder, I relax and follow behind. He’s asking silly questions about her history term paper, and Elodie is trying her best to answer them without giggling after every word.
All of a sudden, the sadness hits me like a ton of bricks. I’ve mostly felt numb these last few months, but seeing the two of them together, remembering that Damian isn’t always an unfeeling prick like my mind keeps making him out to be, it stings. I’m not sad at the loss of my marriage. I’m sad for the loss of my family, our team. It’s the realization that after the game, I’m going to go home and be all alone that delivers the excruciating blow. My body betrays me as a soft sob escapes my lips. Luckily the sounds from the softball field drown me out, and Damian and Elodie haven’t noticed I’m no longer behind them. It hits me again,alone. Just likeher.
After the game, I came home to my big empty house,alone. Six thousand square feet is a lot of space for just one person. I climb the stairs to the primary bedroom flipping on lights as I go, the only sound is the echo of my feet pattering the hard wood. I used to love this house. I used to love this room, but now, the vibes are off. I want nothing more than to just shower away this day and crawl into bed with a book. Before I can slip out of my dress, my phone vibrates then rings with an incoming call. I look down and see that it’s Caroline. I answer immediately.
“Hey baby. You did so good today!”
“Thanks, Mom. Sorry I didn’t get to come talk to you after the game. Coach wanted to go over theteachable moments.”
“No worries. I know you’re busy. Dad and I are super proud of you. You looked real comfortable on second base today. And that double you hit in the third? Chef’s kiss.”
“Thanks mom.” I know she’s trying hard to just accept the compliment and not be annoyed with me like a typical teenager.
“You’re welcome,” I say, hoping she can hear the smile in my voice.
“Hey, Mom…”
“Yeah?”
“Are you and dad getting back together? Elodie said she saw you guysin an embraceat the game today.”
“Oh, baby,” I sigh. “No, we’re not getting back together. Your dad and I still care a lot about each other and, well, I guess old habits die hard. It was just a hug.” I try my best to use a placating tone, hoping to dispel the discomfort.
“Oh.” Her disappointment is apparent. “That’s what I told Elodie, that it was probably nothing.”
“Yeah, it was…it was nothing,” I say, dying a little bit inside.
“So, um, what are you going to do?”
“Well, I’m going to take a nice hot shower, throw on some jammies, maybe read Bridgerton…again.” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
“No, Mom. What are you going to do, like, with your life?”
