“William, what are you doing here?” Her tone is unpleasant, not the warm one I’m used to.
“I need to findherand talk to her, but I can’t get a hold of her.” Sandy sort of chuckles before smiling. It’s not a happy smile.
“Oh,you? You’re having trouble getting a hold of her?” Her brow arches. She’s pissed. “Girls, why don’t y'all head out to the deck and make sure Gramps has all the wood he needs and I’ll deal with taking out the trash, kay?” She gives them a wink before guiding them out the back door.
The girls give me the side eye as they leave, but they don’t say anything more.
“So am I the trash then?” I ask Sandy once she’s back in the kitchen.
“If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…you know how it goes, baby.” I forget how vicious Sandy can be. The southerner in her comes out, and she’s likely to tell me to bless my heart any minute.
“I can explain everything, but I have to find Britain. She deserves to hear it first.”
“So you think you can just explain this to her and everything’ll be right as rain?” She laughs at me, ironically.“William, I’ve never been more disappointed in you in your entire life. Britain deserved better. Shedeservesbetter. So do my grandbabies, and honestly, at this point, they’re probably better off without you mucking everything up.Again.”
“Ouch.”
“Somebody’s got to be the one to tell ya. Might as well be me.”
“You weren’t lying when you said you’d disown me, were you?” It’s my turn to laugh ironically now.
“Sure wasn’t, sugar. I love you, William, but I didn’t raise you to be a trash human being. If this is how you want to act and treat people, l’ll say goodbye right now.Now, unless you have something else to talk about, I’ll see you to the door.” Sandy moves to usher me out of the kitchen and towards the entryway.
“You don’t understand. I did this because Britain is still in love with Matt. I was giving them their chance. I was giving her a choice. Don’t you see that?! I didn’t tell Matt about Britain being here because I was scared she’d go back to him the second he came around. And then I overheard Britain telling her ex that she’d never gotten over him, and…and I just knew I had to do this for her. And for Matt. And if I didn’t, I’d just be this placeholder until she left me for him someday.” Sandy gives me a sympathetic smile.
“Then you’re stupider than I thought, son. Britain is madly in love with you. Well, she was…” Shewas?
“Was? Past tense?” My stomach sinks, and my heart stops beating.
“Some hurts are so bad they can’t be undone, baby.” She pats me on the back and keeps pushing me towards the door. I dig in, still unsure whether she’s here or not. I look around for any sign that she might be, but I come up empty.
“Is shehere?Please, just tell me that.”
“She isn’t. You need to go, William. I want to soak up my time with the girls.”
“Right…” I can’t think, but I can feel. And I feel like if I walk out that door, I’m giving up my chance. I don’t know if or when I’ll get to see her or talk to her again. “I can’t go, Mom. If she’s coming to pick up the girls, I can’t leave.”
“But you can’t stay here, bud.”
“Fine, but I’m not giving up. I only did this so she had a chance to be happy, even if it meant I was living in hell.”
“You think she wasn’t already happy? The Britain I saw in your living room, wearing her engagement ring, is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. And the Britain I saw at the hospital, alone, waiting for you to walk through that door, thinking you didn’t want her, is the saddest. So tell me again why you think you needed to do all this forherto behappy?”
“She was waiting for me at the hospital?” I hardly even recognize my own voice. It’s brittle and slight.
“She said she texted and called you to tell you she was pregnant and you just ignored her. You humiliated her, hurt her, and then abandoned both of them.”Both.Fuck me. I push my hands through my hair, gripping the sides of my head tight, painfully. I close my eyes to try and keep the tears from falling, but it’s not possible.What the fuck have I done?
“I’ll leave, but I’m not going anywhere.”Never again.
Ten minutes later, walking up to my own house, I feel like death warmed over. The only thing propelling me forward at this point is the need to find that letter. I flip on the lights in the mudroom and my breathing halts. Britain’s tote is sitting on the bench and her sweater is hung up on one of the hooks.
“Britain!” I yell out, but silence is the only return. I walk briskly through the house, flipping on lights as I go.
“Britain?” Her sandals are on the floor by the sliding doors to the deck, but the lights are all off outside and the door is locked. I take the stairs two at a time to our bedroom. The door is shut, but as I go to open it, I say a silent prayer that she's in there.
“Britain?” I say it more quietly this time when it becomes apparent she’s not here. The bed is perfectly made. Not a thing out of place. Nothing’s been touched since the last time the cleaning crew was here.
Making my way over to her side of the bed, I see it. Folded neatly and sitting on top of her pillow. She’s not here, but this stupid letter is.FUCK!I want to fucking scream and the overwhelming urge to destroy something pulses through me. I need a bottle of bourbon and a fucking baseball bat.
