I grab my purse out of the mudroom and run into Jess as I do.
“Whoa, where are you going?” Jess asks.
“There’s something I need to do. Can you hang with the girls for a couple hours?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” I’m already walking away before she can finish, “Guess you can just tell me about the Greek Fest later then!” Jess calls out after me.
I call back, “Yeah, I will, later. I promise!” I step out into the garage, opening the door while I fumble, searching for my keys. Instead of finding them, my Porsche calls to me.Fuck yes.I smile as I duck into the low car, starting it and listening to its purr as the engine turns. I pull out of the driveway and head straight towards Spearhead. I need to see him. I need to tell him I read his letter.
Chances are he’s probably home, but just in case, I call. It rings out, then goes to voicemail and I try to tamp down the familiar unease that bubbles up, remembering all my unanswered calls.Probably working out. Yes, that’s it.It’s a little late in the day for him, but not unreasonable. It’s only noon. My heart thumps loudly in my chest and I accelerate, my Porsche flying at the same speed as my blood through my veins.
I don’t know what I’m going to say. I have no plans other than to tell him I read the letter.
We need to talk, I meanreallytalk, and we haven’t done that. We’ve seen each other in passing mostly, just skimming the surface of it all, but we need to talk. I know it. Subconsciously, I know I just need to see him.Him. Liam. My heart flutters as I approach the windy portion of my drive. My hands shake and I slow down considerably to accommodate the steep curves and twists of the mountain road.
Please be home, Liam. Please.
When I get to his house, I say a smallthank you Jesuswhen I see his Range Rover parked in the driveway. But then my stomach takes a dive because this means I’m doing this. I snatch my purse up and walk briskly to the door. My hands are bouncing the keys back and forth, nervously, as I wait for someone to answer my knock. But no one does.
Christ, maybe he’s in the shower. I knock again and wait, still fidgeting becauseshit, I really need to pee. Maybe it's the nerves or maybe it’s my uterus sitting on my bladder, I don’t fucking know. I test the door knob and it turns easily. Unlocked. Assuming he hadn’t changed it, I could have used the keycode, though.
I step over the threshold, listening for a beat. When I hear nothing, I head straight towards the hall bath, but I’m stopped at the entrance to his office. He’s sitting there, full glass of brown in hand, looking a little worse for the wear. If I’m honest, he looks a little like me.
My breathing stops and my cheeks heat while I wait for him to notice my presence. When he finally seems to recognize me, a strange expression passes his face. I lift a hand up and wave silently, giving him a gentle smile, hopeful it’s one that says I come in peace. But he doesn’t return the gesture.
My mouth is getting hot and I swallow down the excess saliva, realizing I haven’t had anything to eat today. Tentatively, I take a step forward and Liam’s eyes go wide, giving me pause.
“Hi, I-uh, sorry for just coming in like that,” I point back to the front door. “I just really need–” He lifts up his hand to stop me and when he does, I notice…hair?
“You know it’s rude to break into someone’s house?” A woman’s voice asks, as a naked Gina rises up from behind the desk. Liam stands up abruptly, his pants unzipped, and his dick hanging out.Ohmyfuckinggod.I turn away from the two of them abruptly, averting my gaze then break into an all-out sprint for the hall bathroom, emptying my stomach of bile into the toilet. There’s no food there, so as soon as I finish retching, I flush, and book it straight out the front door. I don’t know if I’m running or walking, I just know I’m moving — and fast.Have to get the fuck away from this place.
I can hear Liam call out to me, but the sound is muffled. My ears are ringing and everything seems a bit spinny.Huh, is “spinny” even a word?I lean against my car, fighting for breath as my brain begins what I assume will be a relentless verbal assault.Mistake, this was a mistake. You’re a fucking idiot, Britain. Stupid. Fucking stupid.
I see Liam walking out his front door towards me, holding up his hand for me to wait, but I just shake my head at him, throwing myself into the car and peeling out of the driveway. Pressing down hard on the accelerator, I almost crash into a tree, but miss it by inches. My car is practically screaming at me with all the sensors going off, but I can’t see them, the tears are completely clouding my vision.Fuck my life. Fuck me. I am so stupid. Britain, why the fuck are you so stupid?
I throw the car in drive, and the tires screech against the pavement as I floor it past Liam in his front yard. At the stop sign at the end of his street, I just hang my head and cry, but at some point the cry turns to screaming, and I thrash against the steering wheel. I hate this stupid car. I hate that it smells like him. And I hate him, too. I shake my head.No, I hate myselfmost.For believing any of his words, spoken or written. For ever believing a promise he’s told me. It means absolutely fucking nothing.
“There is nothing between me and Gina. You’re it for me. The only place I want to be is next to you.”
Fuck you, Liam Millar.I’m going to find the best goddamn family court attorney that money can buy and I’m going to make sure he only ever sees this baby when I say he can. Fuck splitting custody, fuck co-parenting, and fuck this place.
In the rearview mirror, I can see him start to pull out of his driveway, so I take off at breakneck speed, flying past the main strip and heading straight for Sandy’s. It’s the opposite direction of town, which is where he probably thinks I’ll go. I keep an eye behind me the whole time, but he never shows up in my rearview again. Maybe he wasn’t following me. That would imply he cares. Or maybe he’s just feeling guilty for getting caught in a lie. I don’t know and I don’t care.
Damn, I really don’t want to go to Sandy’s, but I still need to pee like no-other.
Pulling into their drive, I try to collect myself as best as possible before heading in. They might be at the cafe, in which case I’ll consider this a great mercy and thank the heavens. I slam the car door shut and pull out my phone to see there’s already two missed calls from Liam, but I ignore them. I knock on the front door and try the doorbell, but no luck.
Flipping over the pot on the front porch that’s painted with sunflowers, I pull out the hidden key and let myself in, but I call out first, just in case.
“Sandy! Jim! It’s Britain! I just need to use your bathroom!” I’m met with silence which is infinitely relieving.
The tears start again, and this time I just let them go. Thankfully, no one is here to see the train wreck I’ve orchestrated over my own life.
I sit on the toilet to pee and pull out my phone, sending a few messages.
Britain
I need you. Can you please come home?
