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“They’re more.” So much more, and yet still Alyssa had no idea how to explain even to herself how deep that explanation applied.
“What Khalid meant to say, if you need someone to talk to, someone who values your secrets as we would value your need to talk to someone about them, then we’re all here,” Marty assured her. “We are your friends, Alyssa, and our concern for you is what spurs Khalid’s protectiveness of you. I assure you, it’s nothing more.”
Her throat was tightening, those damned tears she hadn’t been bothered with for so long burning behind her eyes.
She didn’t want this. She didn’t want the weight of friends, protectiveness that was sometimes more a lie than love was, and the betrayal that threatened to come with it.
They were friends, and she admitted that. But not close friends. She hadn’t allowed herself close friends except Summer in such a very long time.
“Thank you for the offer,” she told the other woman. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
She highly doubted she’d take them up on it, though, and the knowledge of that was in Khalid’s dark gaze.
“If that’s all the business we had to take care of?” She turned to Ian as she slid her chair back and rose from the table. “I need to be going.”
“Alyssa.” Rising to his feet, Ian caught her hands in his, his touch gentle, without the insistence she expected. “The invitation for lunch was sincere as well,” he teased with an air of warmth. “Stay for the meal. No more questions, I promise.”
She couldn’t bear to eat if her life depended upon it. Her stomach was a mess of nerves, rioting at the very thought of food.
“I really have several errands I must get finished,” she assured him, pulling her hands back and hoping she hadn’t offended him.
She would deal with it if she must, but she didn’t want to offend this man who had been so kind to her over the years.
“I understand then.” He nodded. “Perhaps another time?”
“Definitely, another time,” she promised.
Clutching the small purse she carried with the fingers of one hand, she nodded to the others before turning and hurrying from the veranda to the exit that led to the private walk rather than through the restaurant as she’d entered.
She wanted to get out of there. She wanted to get her errands finished and return home, where she could make sense of what had happened, make sense of the changes occurring around her, and try to figure out why someone would attempt to steal club files where she was concerned.
Who would want to? She hadn’t known Shane and Sebastian were members of the club while she’d been there. If she had, she would have immediately gone to Ian with the pictures and the letter her parents had received before she’d become a member. Once the Judiciary of the club had been apprised they would have immediately ensured that threat was erased. No member had ever gone against the Judiciary. Whoever they were, they were the highest-ranking and most powerful members of the elite men’s club and ensured all members were protected if an issue arose.
When it arose. She’d actually never heard of the group being called together while she was there, but she wouldn’t have, she imagined.
Pushing the thought back with memories best left alone as well, Alyssa exited the restaurant. Rather than hailing a cab, she turned and headed down the sidewalk. The restaurant was only a few blocks from the caterer whose services she preferred using for luncheons and small dinners held for her father’s visiting friends and political allies or visiting dignitaries. With the upcoming luncheon scheduled for one of her father’s committees and an arriving overseas political ally, she wanted to make certain the caterer had received the seating charts Alyssa had sent over by her assistant.
The tree-lined sidewalk was shaded by the newly leafed branches, the early-summer sun not yet hot enough to make the walk uncomfortable. It was pleasant. A nice breeze with just a hint of spring’s trifling mood swings lingered in the soft brush of air. Just enough to cool the sun’s heat, to remind everyone of the previous month’s cold.
Normally Alyssa would have enjoyed the walk; normally she would have never allowed her peace to be threatened as she had last night. She’d learned to control her emotions as well as her anger where the past was concerned. She’d had to learn to control them or she would have destroyed herself in the first two years after returning from Madrid.
She’d been weak, Alyssa admitted. Losing the baby as she had, learning she’d somehow been given something to kill the child she was so desperate for, had completed the destruction of all the dreams inside her. She’d never dreamed of a career or making some mark on the world that would outlive her. She’d dreamed of another mark she would make. A family, lots of children. She was an only child, but she wanted a home filled with children, with laughter and warmth. She’d resigned herself to having only the one child after returning from Spain. Once her baby had been born she’d intended to divorce Harvey and move to the property her grandparents had left her in Pennsylvania. She would have filled her home with her son’s laughter, loved, and been at peace, she thought.
She would have, if her baby’s life hadn’t been stolen from her.
She couldn’t afford to allow herself to become entangled with Shane and Sebastian again.
She reminded herself how she’d hurt the first time. How horribly her very soul had been wounded. So deeply that even tears wouldn’t fall and the knowledge of how alone she was had been like a dagger forever twisting inside her chest.
They weren’t going to let her go so easily, though, and Alyssa didn’t know if she could ever allow herself to tru
st in the illusion of love again. Love meant trust and they hadn’t trusted her. They had let her believe they hadn’t wanted her. They had ignored the pain they swore they had felt coming from her when she had lost their baby. And they hadn’t come to her.
When she had needed them the most, they had ignored the knowledge of that need.
And they wanted her to trust in their love? Trust that should anyone else strike out at them, or at her, in such a way again they wouldn’t steal that security from her?
She couldn’t let herself need them like that. In the past two years she’d finally found a semblance of peace in her life; was she really going to let them destroy it?
