Jane faced in roughly Elizabeth’s direction with a fixed rictus pretending to be a smile. “I am now dependent, and I always shall be — you heard how Mr. Collins spoke of me. If evenhewould not marry me now, what can I expect?”
“Surely you wouldn’t want to marry Mr. Collins.”
“I want to marrysomeone. And I want to be asked, even if I would say no, I would like to be such a person as might be asked such a question.”
Elizabeth was quiet. “Not every man is such a fool as Mr. Bingley.”
“I hate him. I can’t — I never imagined I could hate anyone. And now…”
“Jane, but you said—”
“Ilied. I lied. I lied. I am the sort of person who can hate. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him with all my heart. I want to claw his eyes out so he can be blinded too. I—”
Jane abruptly stood, pulling herself away from Elizabeth and violently walked away. She accidentally stabbed her foot into an unseen table that clattered over shattering the glasses that had been on it.
Jane gasped in pain. “By — Bloody. Hell. D-d-d-d-d— devil take us all.”
Elizabeth grabbed Jane and pushed her to sit down.
“And we shouldn’t have any tables. Nothing anywhere that I might wish to walk. Why was that table even there?” Jane exclaimed. “Why can’t — why can’t I justseeagain. For one moment.”
Elizabeth helped her to sit down again.
Mrs. Hill rushed into the room, drawn by the noise of the glasses shattering. The housekeeper exclaimed, “Oh, the Wedgewood blue set! Jane, did you — are you well?”
Jane did not reply. She sullenly kept the blank, blind look towards the corner of the room. She sat stiffly, and for the first time that Elizabeth could ever remember, her sister refused to relax into her embrace or hug her back.
The two of them said nothing as Mrs. Hill and the maid cleaned up the shattered china and searched the wooden floor for any tiny shards that might remain.
When the two women were alone again Elizabeth took Jane’s hand once more and squeezed it.
There was a long pause, and then Jane squeezed it back.
Neither said anything for a while.
Elizabeth felt wholly miserable in her stomach. Suddenly she exclaimed, “If any man who I can respect, and who could give a secure place for you does court me, I will accept him. Janie, I hadn’t thought of you and—”
“Lizzy.”
“I hadn’t. Of course you are scared. And Papa, he doesn’t trouble himself — It is the business of a woman’s life to marry, and I promise I’ll find a good husband for myself, and see you—”
“Lizzy. I didn’t mean to… I don’t even really hate Mr. Bingley. I am scared. But you can’t… I know you. You have always determined to marry for the deepest affection. Don’t… don’t ever let go of your dreams just because mine have been ruined. You are my sister, I need you to be happy.”
“I can never be happy while you are miserable.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I am not miserable — I only… I only am not always so serene as I make myself seem.”
Elizabeth started sobbing, and she threw her arms around Jane. “My poor, poor dear Jane.”
Jane embraced her back. “I wouldn’t ever want you to marry Mr. Collins. You do not like him, and the two of you would not suit, but I am scared. It shall be difficult when Father dies — there is so little money, and I know I will depend more than ever on the servants to do little things. If I find myself in an unpleasant situation it will be impossible for me to escape by becoming a governess or a companion. I cannot marry and everything is changed — I always believed I would eventually marry quite well. It is… I do not like to appear vain, or puffed up. But I always knew that my beauty was something exceptional, and that marriage with a decent man would always be simply a matter of appearing willing to accept an offer.”
“It still is.”
“No, and I beg you, Lizzy, I hear that huff in your breath. You wish to argue with me, but let me mourn now.”
“Oh, Jane.” Elizabeth embraced her tighter. “I shall always… always…”
“I know.”
