This made Elizabeth smile. “I appreciated the books.”
“I have truly missed you.” Papa smiled in a familiar way.The one that always said to her that they were each other's dearest friends, and that he understood her better than anyone else in the world, and that she understood him.
Yet it was not the same, and now she belonged to Darcy far more than Papa.
“I missed you too,” Elizabeth said.
“But things are not the same.” Papa sighed. “I suppose they cannot be.”
There was nothing to say to that.
“You look happy. Glowing even. I was hopeful. I met Mr. Darcy briefly when he was in London, but—”
“He told me that you were trying to convince him to intercede on your behalf.”
“A joke. A joke. But the sort of jest with a little truth to it.”
Elizabeth grinned. “I know. I was deeply amused, Darcy as well, when we compared notes, and found that you’d approached both of us to encourage reconciliation.”
They were quiet again.
“When? When? When did I ever give you an impression that I would do such a thing as entice a man to kiss me in a dark room at a ball so that I could entrap him into marriage?”
“Never.”
“No! Never! Never! I… I… I…” She looked at her hands. “I wouldn’t. You molded me. You were my father. I thought you knew me. And I thought… I always…”
“What?”
“I always believed you would be there for me. To protect me. To make sure that nothing really bad could ever harm me — I know there are dangers, accidents, illness, things of that sort. I never imagined you to beGod. At least not for many years. But I thought… I knew you’d support me if I ever wanted to refuse a man. If I ever… and then, at the moment where I needed help the most in my life…”
“I was so, so… I was so wrong.”
“You don’t get to just say that! The damage is done! And the words can’t be unsaid! I’ll never forget them. You called me a wanton woman! A mercenary!”
Elizabeth tried to calm herself. For the sake of the child inside her if nothing else. But instead tears suddenly broke out.
Mr. Bennet knelt next to her, and she found herself sobbing in her father’s arms.
“My poor Lizzy.”
“You have no notion how hard it was… matters are better between us, far better now, but ithurt. It hurt so much. And it was so difficult. He was… he was angry, at himself and at me, at first.”
“I saw that.”
“Why!”
That pained wail was not one which could be answered with words. Papa didn’t let her go.
She had a sense from how he held her that if she demanded he leave and never speak to her again, he was quite ready to do so.
After a while she sat straighter, and Papa stood back up and returned to his seat. His face was sad.
Elizabeth sniffled into the handkerchief Papa had produced, and she wiped her eyes. “I don’t want to hate you. I don’t want to always be angry.”
“Forgiveness can be terribly hard.”
“That is why it is divine,” Elizabeth replied. “I love you, Papa.”
