Though, of course, Elizabeth was by no means sure that shewantedto keep him from removing himself. He had after all ruined Jane and Bingley’s happiness, and she should be eager to have him as far away from herself as possible due to that.
This was a line of thought which, while familiar, did not have any conviction. Weak woman that she was, Elizabeth imagined her sister’s weepy face often replaced by the equally imagined feel of Darcy’s hands on her sides, his hungry lips, the way his body felt when he lay atop her, and she squeezed him tighter, and they truly, for a short time, cleaved to each other and became one flesh.
That thought alone was enough to make her long for him to return for the evening.
When the note was shown to Georgiana, the sweet dear rose from her piano practice and frowned. “I wonder what business could be so sudden. It is quite unusual, and it must be very important to have drawn him. But when would he have received a letter? On the road do you think?”
“I think,” Elizabeth said, rather shamefacedly, “that hechoosesto go to London.”
This led to the receipt of a blank stare, before Georgiana exclaimed, “Oh! You mean that he is still angry with you? But would he leave Pemberley for such a cause? — I do not believe it.”
“I scarcely can myself,” Elizabeth said.
“What did youchieflyargue about?”
This was painful for Elizabeth to speak upon, but Georgiana had this afternoon exposed her deepest secrets, so Elizabeth ought to say what she could without exposing Darcy to his sister’s censure. It wasDarcy’splace, more than her own, to tell Georgiana, if he decided to do so, about how he had kissed her while drunk, and that they had married then to avoid scandal and protect honor and reputation.
As Elizabeth frowned and thought, she knew the silence was awkward, and that she needed to say something.
“I believe you know Mr. Bingley?” At Georgiana’s nod, Elizabeth said, “It had seemed likely that he and my sister would have made a match of it, and my sister had fallen in love with Mr. Bingley—”
“Oh, how wonderful!” Georgiana exclaimed.
Elizabeth shook her head. “The match fell through, and Bingley disappeared from Netherfield right after my engagement with Mr. Darcy was established, and none of us knew why. Then he stood with your brother at the wedding and refused to look at my sister the whole time. I learned yesterday that your brother had counseled Mr. Bingley strongly against marrying my sister, and that this was the reason he had left —thatwas the principal source of our quarrel.”
“But…whywould he do that? Surely there must be some misunderstanding.”
Elizabeth looked at the thick letter she had received from Mr. Darcy, and she said, “It is possible — no, likely — that the answer will be in here.”
By agreement so that Elizabeth could read the letter, Elizabeth went to a seat in the drawing room, and Georgiana returned to her piano practice. It was a piece that was terribly complicated, yet deeply beautiful, and Elizabeth luxuriated in the notes dripping elegantly through the lovely song.
It was a little uncomfortable to not tell Georgiana more —but Elizabeth simply did not want to tell Georgiana that she had not chosen to marry Mr. Darcy.
Partly because to say that would shock Georgiana… but also, Elizabeth realized that in a weird way, like having a wound lanced and drained allowed the injury to begin to heal, she was no longer angry at Darcy.
When she began her perusal of Darcy’s letter, the simple fact was that it was impossible for her to not be touched by Darcy’s admission that he had acted wrongly when he kissed her, and his open claim that he had misunderstood her.
Perhaps she ought to be enraged, to be angry, since this misunderstanding had changed so much of her life. But she liked Darcy too much at this point to not be delighted in part of her soul that he could not resist her. Besides, she remembered that evening.
Yes, it had been unconsciously done, but shehadhoped to be kissed by him.
The anger that had been disarmed by his apology did come back in part with what he wrote about Jane and Bingley. He had truly thought Jane to be indifferent?
He had watched them together for an hour, and on that basis believed himself to be wisely and responsibly acting in the interests of his friend to end his attachment?
Did it matter that he had determined to do this before they were forced to marry?
No!
And besides, once he knew that theywereto marry, should he not have begun to adopt her interests as his own? Should he not have tried to encourage the match of his newsisterwith an eligible gentleman?
He always expected her to treat his family as though they mattered, while he cared nothing for her own.
Yes, the woman left her house and went to her husband’s,but it wasunfairto expect her to disdain her dear uncle, while Darcy had no obligation to disdain his snobbish and clothing obsessed cousins.
No, no, no.
Quickly skimming through the end of what he wrote about Jane and Bingley, Elizabeth then turned to what he wrote about Mr. Wickham.
