Elizabeth stared at him, like he was a rather strange specimen, and then she spread open the paper on the table, and took a sip from the rich coffee.
“Have I told you about the fine parsonage I have?” Mr. Collins said, after a moment of being disconcerted by Elizabeth's rudeness.
Elizabeth sighed, and she refolded the paper. “You spoke a little about it last night.”
“It is the snuggest and finest place in England! Three guest rooms — we have an excellent garden, hedges all grown around. My patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, spent a great deal of effort on it. She advises me on all matters. There is no woman who is more kindly condescending than her. Nor any woman who is a greater ornament to her exalted rank.”
“You certainlydid,” Elizabeth replied with a smile, “already speak upon the great virtues of your patroness. You hardly need to repeat anything about her.”
“Oh! But I must. I must. For her virtues are such as to bear a great deal of repeating. Without her patronage I would be nothing — or nearly nothing. It was my great fortune that I encountered her, and so shortly upon the completion of my education. Soon as I’d taken orders. Let me tell you how I met her, and—”
“Oh, my,” Mr. Bennet said, rising. “Look at the time. I really must hurry to the library, I have important business to manage.”
“I will come with you then,” Mr. Collins said. “For I must learn all about the management of this estate.”
Mr. Bennet stared at him.
Seeming to perceive a question in that silence, Mr. Collins added, “For one day, perhaps one day very soon you shall be deceased and shall face the almighty before whom all our secrets are laid bare, and it will be my duty to manage this estate and to ensure the comfort of all those connected with it.” So saying he turned to Elizabeth and bowed solemnly to her.
Does he mean to marry me?
If the notion was not so obvious a scheme, Elizabeth would have laughed at the ridiculousness of it. At least this was a man, at last, who proved easy to understand. Precisely what every woman wished.
Papa retreated from the room without replying in any significant way to Mr. Collins’smemento mori— or threat of death, if one was inclined to interpret him liberally.
To Papa’s disappointment, and Elizabeth’s relief, after giving her what she thought was supposed to be a longing look, but which in fact seemed more indicative of constipation than affection, Mr. Collins followed her father to the bookroom.
A little later that day all the sisters determined to walk out to Meryton, and seeing his opportunity to rid himself of his increasingly unwelcome guest and interlocutor, Mr. Bennet encouraged Mr. Collins to go with them.
As they donned their shoes, Mama came up to Elizabeth, and said, “Dear, I should mention to you, Mr. Collins seems to have designs on your hand.”
“On me!” Elizabeth sighed.
Suspicion sadly settled.
Until now, Elizabeth had had hope.
There always ought to be, in the heart of every woman, hope.
Or it was like Caroline insisted: If she harmonized her thoughts correctly with the spiritual forces governing the world visible — that is to say, if she simply maintained in her heart the conviction that Mr. Collins could notpossiblybe indicating an interest in her hand, he would then cease to exist like the elves had ceased to exist once people lost their belief in them.
Or maybe hemightcease to bother her.
Mrs. Bennet nodded. “He came to me this morning, and said that his patroness — she sounds like exactly the sort of aristocratic lady who I cannot stand, the sort who sneers about fortunes from trade — had sent him to Hertfordshire to find a wife from amongst his cousins! I told him thatIwould not interfere in any way in the choices of my children, but that I thought you were unlikely to be inclined in his direction. But he said some nonsense about how every woman of sense would be attracted to him!” Mama giggled. “Him! But in any case, he seems fixed upon pursuing you.”
Elizabeth laughed. “I shall manage. And I thank you for the warning. It seems I was right to beg Colonel Fitzwilliam for the first dance at the ball Charlie has planned — my only surprise is that he did not pickJaneas the partner of his future life.”
“Oh, she was his first choice.” Mrs. Bennet waved her hand. “But I told him that she is likely to become engaged.”
“You did?” Elizabeth laughed, half shocked. “Mama, you should not lie!”
“I didn’t, don’t you see that —oh.” Mama now looked sly, and patted Elizabeth on the cheek. “Dear Lizzy, you shall be quite surprised.”
“Not you too? I assure you, Jane and Charlie cannot possibly be considering making a match of it. Not possibly.” Elizabeth paused, to assure herself that she still felt confident in this assertion. “Not possibly.”
She… wellshecould not imagine possibly ever having a desire tomarryCharlie. But Jane had always been inscrutable, sweet, with odd tastes.
On the walk into Meryton, Mr. Collins hung next to Elizabeth. He was a most determined talker and an accomplished walker, and gradually Elizabeth’s patience with the persistently boring words began to run out, and she found it increasingly difficult to attend to him.
