“You mean it is too late for her to avoid such heartbreak?”
“Even were it not, my counsel upon that matter would do no good — once Caroline has placed a notion in her head, she places her head down, like a bull driving at the fence, and she will follow the scent like a stubborn terrier. She has always been like that.” Elizabeth sighed.
“You care for her very much, why?”
“What do you mean?” Elizabeth asked in an offended tone. “Why?”
“The two of you are very different, it surprises me that you keep such a close friendship.”
“We are no more different than… than Charlie and your cousin Mr. Darcy. More similar I would say.”
“She is quite focused upon the consequence and position of her friends, you seem to care upon nothing of the sort. She is not overly fond of reading, while you have a book always in your hands. She is not—”
“Oh, Caroline is the dearest of friends. And she does not care overly about her consequence.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam’s gaze showed frank skepticism and cynicism.
“That is Mrs. Castle’s fault. And maybe Lady Amelia’s. Lady Amelia was our schoolmate, and Caroline was much impressed by her father, the Viscount — Caroline always liked to be at the front of our classes. She got into her head that she was always supposed to outperform in everything. I never had that notion.”
“But why areyouso attached to Caroline?”
“Of course I am attached to her!”
“But why?”
“Do not attempt to play with me with such questions. It has always been the two of us. As long as I can remember… My earliest memory is of the two of us playing together in the mud in the garden with toddler fists while the maid watched us. We shared dolls, shared clothes, shared the same house, the same tutors, everything. My Papa taught us both to read. We’d sit in that library room with him on winter days too cold for outdoor play — for some reason I can scarce understand, he always insisted that the sound of child voices helped him to think — we’d waddle back and forth, and spin the globe, and eat jam and cake prepared by the cook. Always very careful to not harm any of the books. And then we’d scheme up such fantasies. I was the princess and she was the knight who would rescue me. Or I’d be the dragon, and she’d be the king trying to defend his castle — or… oh there was so much joy! And now you ask why I shall be devastated and why I shall cry with her when Caroline realizes the emptiness of her hopes? You ask me why I do not attempt to convince her before it is necessary?”
“No, I do not wonder.”
Elizabeth felt odd, as though she were filled with anger. Every muscle tense, her heart racing, but her hands were cold.
Colonel Fitzwilliam said soberly, “She is fortunate to have such a friend as you.”
They continued in silence for some minutes, to near the midpoint of the second dance.
Elizabeth asked him, “And why do you pester Caroline persistently — what isyourinterest in her?”
“Hmmmm.”
Elizabeth had never seen such a thoughtful expression on the flamboyant officer’s face.
After due consideration he said, “I confess that I do not know.”
“Do notknow?” Elizabeth replied with some stress.
“You cannot judge me as you would a swain who trifles with a woman without knowing his own intentions.Shedislikes me, or at least makes a strong pretense of doing so.”
This brought a smile to Elizabeth’s face, though she still had a leaden weight in her stomach from the earlier conversation. “More pretense than reality, at least tonight. But my question is yet unanswered.”
“She is very much like every other seminary girl, decorous yet mercenary, accomplished yet useless, mouthing the same platitudes as every other creature yet hiding vicious thoughts about her fellows.”
“I will not listen to you insult her so.”
“Do not grow so offended, Miss Elizabeth. That is not all that is present in her — the more closely I know you, the more I believe that it isyourinfluence. Without an interesting friend such as you, I am convinced that Miss Bingley would be wholly worthless, but there is something there… it is subtle, and she hides it. But there is some core of value in her. Something that makes her different, less predictable, less decorous, more wild, moreinteresting. And perhaps more useful than others of her type.”
The dance came to an end, and Colonel Fitzwilliam shrugged. “Maybe I merely like her appearance.”
Chapter Eleven
