Did he actually want to tell his cousin the story of the most painful minute of his life?
And the answer that came back to him was: Yes.
Perhaps he was too silent too often with those who he loved, and perhaps that was not turning to his advantage.
Without looking up Darcy said in a slow voice, “As you surmised I asked Miss Elizabeth to marry me. She refused me and said that she could not marry me because her respect for the feelings of another made it impossible.”
Silence from the other side.
Darcy looked up at his cousin, who had a sort of twisted smile. “And you assumed that it wasmewhose feelings made it impossible?”
Uhhhh.
Richard laughed. “My dear, dear cousin — you are such a silly innocent, always thinking in a very… male way.She was talking about Miss Bingley.”
Oh.
“And as forme, do I admire her? Greatly. But she is too clever by the half for me to marry. I’d like her as my cousin-in-law. Sensible woman, she’d manageyouand spare me the worry. In any case, you’ll do better this time with her, because I’ll advise you.”
“You hate visiting Lady Catherine.”
“Hate? Say rather that I view our visits with fond distaste — now what are you waiting for, send Batty Catty that letter. The one saying you’ll arrive, my august person in tow, the day after tomorrow.”
Darcy smiled with something like deep happiness glowing in him for the first time in months. “I dare say I will.”
Chapter Nineteen
Elizabeth had spent two sleepless nights between when she learned that Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam were to suddenly visit their aunt at Rosings, a mere ten minute walk across the park, and their arrival at that finely windowed and mowed estate.
Did she fear that he would ignore her? Or did she hope that he would, and thus avoid all awkwardness? Did she hope that those sentiments which she had rejected several months before remained?
Or was she wholly indifferent to Mr. Darcy’s coming?
They were both rational creatures!
Elizabeth determined that she would meet him as nothing but an acquaintance who she was pleased to see again. Awkwardness wasinevitableat the first meeting, but she trusted the haughty reserve of Darcy’s manners and the steady cheerfulness of her own to keep whatever feelings they had from being visible to anyone else.
Charlotte, Miss de Bourgh, Lady Catherine — not one would see a thing!
Colonel Fitzwilliam likely would.
Hehad clever eyes.
Yes, Elizabeth was wholly more eager to see Colonel Fitzwilliam than his complicated and confusing cousin.
Thus Elizabeth determined, after two hours of restless turning, that she was in fact wholly indifferent, and fell asleep.
Thesecondnight gave rise to anxiety.
What wouldDarcythink of her now?
No regret allowed! — she was Caroline’s friend once more. Her sister had married Darcy’s former friend, with whom he had ended all connection. Of course he would never think to renew his proposals to her — not after the shock of that night. Not now that her brother was the brother of the woman who had injured him in that way.
No hope!
Of course she did notwishfor a renewal of his suit.
Elizabeth repeated that sentiment to herself multiple times, in different words, tones, and intonations.
