“Yes,” Darcy replied brightly, finding at this moment even this a matter of amusement, “when I consider it inthatlight, it is not so surprising that the end of my courtship was different than what I hoped and anticipated.”
“Such an addition of knowledge about your own character!” Elizabeth laughed. “And now you know why it was fortunate for us all that matters ended as they did — had I accepted you, then my display of affection would have inevitably endedyouraffection for me.”
Her mischievous smile as she said that kept the words from stinging.
Darcy laughed at her expression, her words, and at how desperately he wished he could kiss her rosy lips. “A perverse outcome indeed.”
Their eyes met.
Elizabeth was glowing.
He looked at her lips. Their faces were only a few inches apart.
Darcy swallowed. And without looking away from her eyes, or letting his pounding heart interrupt him, he said, “I could never cease to love you — not even if you came to love me.”
There was anxiety in the pit of his stomach at the daring with which he had spoken as he tried to read her eyes.
Elizabeth bit her lip and tilted her face a little towards him.
He brushed his fingers across her soft cheek, brushing back a few curls. He began to bend towards her.
But Elizabeth turned aside, and she took a deep breath. Her face was blushy red.
They walked forward again, her hand resting on his arm.
The earth was loamy and rich. Roots of great oak trees, decayed leaves from the previous autumn, and thin grasses that struggled to grow under the canopy. The rich scent of growth, hordes of ants and beetles, and in the sunlight bees buzzed from blossoming flower to flower.
They had the luck to see a fine stag who lived in the park on his own morning perambulations. The great antlers stood tall and proud. But when they moved towards him, the animal started and ran in the other direction.
Elizabeth turned to him with a lovely smile and said, “Do you truly wish to be reconciled with Bingley?”
Darcy thought about the question. He thought about Elizabeth. He thought about how she loved her sister, and he thought about how he missed Mr. Bingley. Shooting together, hard rides, fencing matches, studying for exams in university, pranks and parties, drinks and dreams.
After the disappointment of understanding Wickham’s character, his friendship with Bingley had probably been what saved Darcy from becoming a general misanthrope.
“Yes.”
Elizabeth smiled brilliantly at him.
“I do not know if we ever can be what we were to each other before, but… what you said last night. That every person has a spark of the divine in them. That stuck with me all night, bouncing about in my head. How might I serve that spark of the divine in me? — but it is hard. I am a proud man, unused to changing. But I wish to be… I wish to be the sort of man who can forgive. Or at least forgive Bingley for the sort of weakness that he showed.”
“I do not wish you to cease being who you are.”
“No, you tell me to nurture that part of me which is best in me, rather than the part of me which is mean and petty. To become someone… someone who is worthy of… of my own admiration.” He looked at her, and then added despite the anxiety, “And your admiration as well.”
“I say too much!” Elizabeth flushed and stared at the ground. “But truly, I do not know you so well that you should substitute my judgement for your own. Or so well that I could… I do notknowyou so well!”
The two strolled forward.
Darcy wondered if this was something which she meant to say about her refusal of him. Suddenly he asked, “Is it true that you refused me out of a concern for Miss Bingley’s feelings — thatshewas the one whose feelings you considered?”
“And not Colonel Fitzwilliam’s?” Elizabeth smirked at him. “Where did you gain such an idea?”
“Colonel Fitzwilliam told me that it must have been her… when I spoke with him about your visit to Rosings. I… ah, had inquired as to why the two of you had not married.”
Elizabeth giggled. “No, no! Heavens! The two of us? Colonel Fitzwilliam and I? We would not suit. No, no, not at all. I like him very much indeed. But he is not to my taste, not nearly so much as…” She blushed, looked at Darcy, and then looked down again.
Darcy’s heart leapt. Did her smile mean that she preferred him to his cousin?
