Elizabeth kissed him again. “It is convenient that I can now allowyouto inform me of all my feelings. I shall not need to speak in the future.”
“Oh, no, no. That would be too cruel. I like to hear you speak.”
Elizabeth giggled and settled on the sofa next to him, enjoying how she could just curl up next to him. He was so much bigger than she was. “The great philosopher said, being in love includes finding joy in the inane chattering of the beloved—I wonder if Mr. Wickham ever really loved me in such a way.” Elizabeth frowned. “A great part of my charm forhimwas that I refused to permit any substantial liberties until we were in fact married. The entertainment was found in the chase. For a time,Iloved him. But it was not eternal, irreversible. My feelings depended upon what he did—upon what sort of character he in fact proved to have. Did not Shakespeare say, ‘Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds’.”
Darcy replied, kissing the top of her head, and wrapping his arms tighter around her, “Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle’s compass come—the bard said that love does not change with age. You were wrong about Wickham, what you loved was a man who you thought was better than he was.”
“How can it be really love, when what I loved was an illusion? I do not wish to love what I imagine you to be, but what youarein fact. But if I love what you are in fact, if there is in fact alteration in that fact, my love ought to alter. Oh no, this is not an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken.”
“Poor Elizabeth,” Darcy kissed her softly. “You have taken your Shakespeare too much to heart.”
It was impossible to not laugh at the way that he said that.
“You do not worry?”
“You expect me to be an honorable and considerate man—to be the best version of myself which I might be. There is nothing in that for me to fear. And though I will perhaps at times fall short of the vision of myself that I seek to embody—I did when I fought Mr. Wickham, and I have at other times—I do not think I ever will change in fundamentals. And if I did change in fundamentals, I would not remain myself.”
“To thine own self be true, and then it follows that thou canst not be false to any man?”
“Rather, were I to cease to be true to myself, then ‘I no, no I, for I must nothing be.’—and to turn this towards the question about love and alteration, if I were nothing, there would be nothing left of me to love, and that is not alteration. But as for the rest, I trust you. I trust you to love dearly, tenderly, and so long as we both shall live. I know that your affections will not alter with brief hours or weeks, and I think that I can trust you to bear it out even to the edge of doom.”
“And you say I takemyShakespeare too seriously? Why did you memorize that sonnet?”
Darcy kissed her tightly, with passion, instead of answering. She found herself kissing him back with equal fervor, and they began to release the ties to their clothes.
Later, when they both were drifting off to sleep in bed, Elizabeth moved Darcy’s arm to cover her stomach. She softly kissed his hand without. “I have been frightened that if I ever trusted someone completely, I would find myself alone and adrift again. I think that has become a habit with me. I do not think this fear is essential to my character, but it may take some time before the habits of fear dissipate.”
“I shall be here, to always assure you of my affection,” Darcy replied.
“I wondered earlier today, if our present regular exertions might quickly result in a child. And I was so happy at the thought of havingyourchild that it became impossible to pretend to myself that I did not love you.”
Darcy rolled over to kiss her intensely. “I have dreamed of us having children—girls with your eyes, boys with your smile and sparkling way of speaking.”
“No, no. The girls must haveyoureyes.”
“If we have a great many children there shall be a good chance that both of our wishes shall come to fruition.”
Elizabeth laughed. “Mrs. Reynolds told me a great many stories of when you were a child, and Wickham also.”
“And I thought you were focused upon important matters when you cruelly abandoned me this morning.”
Elizabeth giggled. “When we finished, you were so insistent on going up to our rooms to ‘show me something’.”
“Ididshow you something,” Darcy replied with a satisfied voice. “But, did you learn anything new?”
“From what you showed me?” Elizabeth replied innocently. “Oh, my husband, yes.”
Darcy sputtered. He pulled her tighter against his body. But then he said, “What was the difference? You had been nearly as annoyed as Colonel Fitzwilliam when I tried to tell my stories of growing up with Wickham to George.”
Elizabeth laughed. “Mrs. Reynolds did not wish topraiseWickham, the young boy. I cannot trust her belief that the rot was visible early, contaminated as memories can be by the knowledge of what will be, but Ilikedthat she told me what I hoped to hear.”
“Which was?”
“That Wickham already was jealous and used his charm to wheedle people into giving him what they ought not, and that you were the sweetest hearted, most generous boy in the world—do not blush, you must know that is what Mrs. Reynolds thinks of you.”
“She thinks too highly of me.”
“Mmmmhmmm.” Elizabeth nibbled at her husband’s ear. “I plan to do the same. But what was all of that about your duty to marry me?”
