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She nodded against his chest, her fingers curling into his suit jacket as her breathing hitched. “I should have fought. I should have found a way to protect myself. I shouldn’t have depended on Natches. I should have been stronger, Alex. ”
“You should have been just the way you are,” he whispered. “The woman who threw herself from the couch to attack a crazed woman with a gun, before she shot her son. Because you knew she would shoot you next. The woman who tore a dart out of Mark’s neck before it could kill him, and still managed, despite the tranquilizer in her system, to grab a communications device and hide it on herself so she could be found. Nothing you’ve done has been unworthy in my eyes. Or in Natches’s. ”
“Hoyt’s dead, because of me. ” Her stomach cramped with that knowledge. “I saw his journals. His dreams. He’ll never know them. ”
“Ah, Janey. ” His hand curled around her neck, so strong, his fingers against her skin, curling from the side of her neck to the back, made her feel feminine, protected. “Hoyt wouldn’t have blamed you. Did you read the final journal? How he talked about how hard you worked, the dreams he knew you had? How he wanted you to succeed? Hoyt doesn’t blame you, sweetheart. ”
“Maybe I blame me. ” She blinked back her tears.
“You will. ” He nodded, surprising her. “Just as I blame myself that Augusta Napier was able to get to you. ”
“No . . . ”
He laid a finger against her lips. “I left you in the truck, without me. I didn’t trust my own instincts that night, Janey. All I thought about was catching the person trying to hurt you, and stopping it. If you want to blame anyone for Hoyt’s death, sweetheart, then blame me. ”
“You won’t let me take responsibility for anything. ” She pushed away from him, suddenly angry. “You’re like Natches. You make excuses for me. You pamper and baby me, and sometimes I want to scream with it. ”
“Oh, I blame you for plenty,” he growled.
She swung around, eyes suddenly narrowing. “For what?”
“My hard dick. The fact that I’ve gone three days without fucking you because your family was crowded into my house like a fucking Mackay invasion. Oh yeah, Janey, there’s some blame that lies directly on your pretty shoulders. But Hoyt isn’t part of it. ”
Her breath locked in her throat for long moments before she swallowed past her own need and fears.
“You haven’t acted like you wanted me. ”
He stared at her in disbelief. “I had your whole family in here, Janey, and Timothy glaring at me like he’s adopted you. Hell. Do you have any idea how many times the difference in our age was mentioned and how no one had better hear sounds from our bedroom?”
Her lips twitched. “Sounds, huh?”
“Janey, sounds . And, baby, when I touch you, I do want to hear your sounds. ”
“So I can take the blame for your hard dick, but not my own weaknesses?” she said roughly.
“God, don’t say the word dick unless you’re trying to get into my pants. ” He sighed. “It just makes me harder. ” He caught her arms, sliding his hands to her elbows then back to her shoulders. “And, baby, you’re fragile, not weak. Not unworthy. And you’re human. Hoyt knew what his mother was and he didn’t warn anyone. He could have. He should have. And he didn’t. That isn’t your fault. ”
A tear slipped free. “He loved her. ”
“Yes, he loved her,” Alex whispered. “But no matter how much you love me, you would never stand by and allow me to do something you didn’t agree with, would you?”
She frowned back at him. “You’re arrogant, not mean. ”
“I beat those drunks up for insulting you. ” His smile was slow and wicked. “And you didn’t even kiss my scraped knuckles. ”
She scowled at that. “I should have boxed your ears. They were drunks. ”
“They’ll think before they insult another woman while they’re drunk,” he argued back. “But you let me know exactly how much you didn’t like it, didn’t you, baby?”
“You didn’t listen. ” She pouted.
“Sure I did,” he drawled. “Next time, I’ll be real nice about it and just knock their heads together. I’ll be nice and gentle. ”
Janey had to fight her smile as she felt his hands slide to her dress, pulling it up slowly.
“Are you trying to undress me, Alex?”
He huffed in exasperation. “I’d really like to see what you’re wearing under that dress, Janey. And you said the word dick . You owe me now. ”
