And now it seemed he was capable of smiling more and more when she knew it hadn't come naturally to him for some time.
“Oh, I’d imagine you have strong alcohol here,” she granted, chuckling, glad for the levity.
Yet she felt his unease and curiosity since she hadn’t answered his question though she needed to. Would because she could not lie. So she rested her hand over his and gave it to him straight. Said what was in her heart.
“I honestly don’t know if I can stay here after I help you. If my sisters stay, maybe but even then...aren’t we doomed?” She shook her head, truthful if for no other reason than she already cared about him, and that terrified her. “I know you’re willing to risk the heartache, but I’m not so sure I am.”
She wished she could be like him and say it was worth the fall to experience the high, but her track record with men before the ones she grew too truthful with sucked. So maybe she just wasn’t good at getting close.
“Or maybe you were already too close to someone, so no others stood a chance?” Cian theorized, following her thoughts just fine.
She sensed the darkness in him surpassing the light and kind of liked it.
“Maybe you never had a heart to give?” he went on. “Love to share?”
She knew he nearly pulled her onto his lap but held back because he was determined to show her respect in front of the others on this night of remembrance.
“’Tis not the way of we Irish to hold back our feelings or affections,” he murmured, confirming her speculation. “And I will not after this night.”
Once again, she saw a flash of him in long black robes. Saw the way his eyes darkened.
“Rather, I intend to make clear to all, including ye,” he went on, “that I mean to keep ye,mo dhraoi.”
For a split second, she thought to tell him that he’d behave that way over her dead body but she held back when she saw straight into him. Felt his dark wizard. Understood his desperation. The need to not only possess her flesh but find love.
No, notfindbecause he had already found it.
“You’re already in love with me,” she whispered, never so certain thanks to her inner druid. “Youknowme...you just can't remember from where...”
Cian’s eyes narrowed as if he not only heard the truth of it but felt it within her. And it caught his darker half off guard. Downright startled it. So much so that he dug his hand into her hair and kept her gaze with his. Felt her out with dark magic. Caressed and sampled her soul with rabid curiosity.
“Madison?”he ground out, the sound tortured within her mind.“Who are ye to me, lassie? How did I...”He peered into her eyes even deeper before he saw something she could not, and his gaze dropped to her gown. “’Twas not always this dress.” He fingered the material. “And it didn’t always feel like this.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Nor do I.” Cian’s gaze rose to her face. His accent thickened with his revelation. His light side pushed past his dark. His touch grew more tender than forceful when he cupped her cheek. “But ‘tis right there,mo dhraoi. I finally saw what ye saw if but for a moment. Ye when ye were younger...in another dress. Green like this one but different somehow. Not as well made.”
She struggled to hold on to the memory she sensed flickering through his mind, but it was gone before she saw it. Remembered it. “So Iwashere somehow.”
Of that, there could be no doubt. She felt it bone deep. Magically deep.
“You were here.” His gaze roamed her face in a way that felt all too familiar. “Wewere here together.”
She had never lost herself in another’s eyes as much as she did Cian’s at that moment. Never wanted to kiss someone so much. Feel his heat all around her. His flesh against hers. Drown in pleasure with him buried deep inside her.
“Take me upstairs,” she whispered because her voice was ridiculously useless. “Take me to—”
“Nay.” He ran his weapon-roughed thumb along her cheek and pulled away, startling them both with his vehemence. “’Tisnotwhere we should....” Struggling to find the right words, he cleared his throat. “Our castle is not where I should take you for the first time, Madison. It should be...elsewhere.”
She didn’t care how desperate she sounded. “Why?”
“I don’t know.” Cian glanced from his castle to her. “But ‘tis not right. Not how it should be when I finally....” He closed his eyes as if following another memory. Another thought that got away before his gaze opened to her again. “Ye’re of the woodland, lassie. ‘Tis there that...we....” He seemed to grasp hold of something before he lost it again. “’Tis there we will have one another and nowhere else. Not at first.”
At first? While she liked the sound of that, she was irritatingly aroused. More aroused than she had ever been. If not here, then where she nearly asked but bit her tongue. Now wasn’t the time to act desperate. It was out of line, considering the bond she was forging with his people. The revered position fate had thrust her into.
“I don’t feel of the woodland,” she said, more embarrassed than anything. “Not really.” She shook her head. “Pretty much a city girl as far as I knew.”
“As far as you knew when you needed to make a living,” Cian countered softly, seeing inside her far too easily now. He tilted her face until she had no choice but to look at him again. “I’m not shunning ye,mo dhraoi.Not for a moment.” He shook his head, sounding more certain by the moment. “I am doing right by ye. What was meant for us when the time came.”
