“Take this month.” He brushed his lips across hers. “And think.Trulythink.”
“I will,” she said before she could stop herself. But she meant it. She would. Had to. Because she could only imagine how difficult things would become if they continued doing this over the years. If her heart hurt this badly now, how would it feel a year from now? Five years? Longer?
As anticipated, his departure the next morning was unspeakably difficult. Thankfully, Agnus and Fenwick, who had become great companions in their own way, were right there with her. Agnus kept her elbow locked with Prudence’s as Fenwick opened all the doors and made sure Agnus got her tucked into bed after Jacob left.
“You cannot keep doing this to yourself, my lady.” Agnus sat by her side. “It is clear how much you love your duke. How much he loves you.”
“I thought I was so strong,” she whispered. “But I have never felt so weak.”
“Then perhaps it is time to focus on what will make you strong again, my lady.” Agnus squeezed her hand. “Because you do truly excel at such.”
She appreciated the support and said as much before she closed her eyes and tried to push past the heartache. Something that took time. Even so, she overcame her melancholy the best she could and continued writing Jacob. Kept cherishing his return letters. Found her way back to better and better spirits. But then, a growing sense of certainty had started to take root. Jacob was right. She had put herself in another cage. One lined with fears born of her late husband.
One that could not see freedom and marriage go hand and hand.
What Jacob offered her was something entirely different, though. A bigger freedom. A fresh start. Not trapped in a loveless, cruel marriage but something far different. There would be obligations inherent to taking on the role of a duchess, but she would not be trapped under his ever-watchful eye. Never shunned if she failed. Never left to wonder who he was off bedding.
Jacob was much different than Randolph. Ten times the man. A hundred times. What a true husband should be. She cared naught for his title but everything for him. So what held her back?
Nothing but her, and she had grown quite tired of it.
“I have given it much thought, and I do believe I shall accept a certain proposal at the MacLauchlin’s ball, Miss Agnus,” she said as her maid prepared her for bed nearly a month later. “I think it is long past the time I realize all the facets of my strength. That said, I can be just as strong with love by my side as I can with it hours away.”
Agnus nodded with approval and smiled. “I am truly glad to hear that, my lady.”
She met her maid’s smile and considered how she might dress for the ball but did not have to think long. “I would like to have the golden gown Lady MacLauchlin gave me prepared as soon as possible.” She wrung her hands and frowned at Agnus. “Do you think there will be enough time, as I have rather pushed it to the last minute?”
“I suspect there will be, my lady.” Agnus opened the armoire and presented her dress. “As I saw it properly prepared weeks ago.”
“Oh, you delightful woman.” She fingered the delicate material and bit back tears when she remembered the way Jacob had looked at her in this. How he had pulled her into his arms on the dance floor. She embraced Agnus before her maid knew what was coming. “Thank you, my friend. Thank you more than you know.”
“Of course, my lady.” Agnus tentatively embraced her back. “May you find all the happiness you deserve.”
She very much imagined she would and could not wait to give Jacob her answer. As it turned out, she received a letter from him just before she departed, so she read it in the carriage as they traveled.
23 June 1816
My Dearest Love and Fair Commander,
I count down the days until I see you again at MacLauchlin Castle, where it all truly began for us. I long to hear what you have decided. Pray you will finally say yes, so we need not suffer this terrible heartache anymore.
Therefore, I propose we go about things in a certain way. We shall come together at the ball like we did the first time. Dance, eat, and enjoy one another’s company. I believe it was the eleventh hour when we met atop our battlement, so let that be our place again, but only if you are there to tell me you will become my wife. My duchess. My dearest friend who will always stand by my side. Who might never second guess her lord when he only wants the very best for her.
Your beloved Second-in-Command and Lasting Love,
Jacob
Wishing her carriage could cross Scotland in the blink of an eye, she wiped away a tear and gazed out the window. Longed for the moment Jacob saw her in her golden gown again. Craved the second she met him on the battlements and told him she would become his wife.
“Dear sister, welcome back,” Maude gushed the moment she arrived and stepped out of her carriage. She threw her arms around Prudence and held on tight. “I am so glad you came. How I have missed you.”
“And I, you.” She smiled at Maude. “Has our dear sister, Grace, arrived yet? I received a letter that she would be joining us.”
“I am afraid not.” Worry knit Maude’s brow. “It seems her husband, Lord Howard, has fallen ill. To be expected, she wishes to remain by his side until he recovers, which her doctor has assured her will be the case.”
“Dear, me, of course.” Hopefully, his doctor was right. She could not imagine anything happening to her brother-in-law. Grace would be devastated. Inconsolable.
“So good to see you again, dear friend,” Emma said, joining them. She embraced Prudence as well, then pulled back and held her at arm’s length. Gazed at her with approval. “I thought you much changed when last we visited, but I see you have changed even more.” She issued a smile, her innuendo about Jacob obvious. “Scotland and all its wonders truly do agree with you.”
