Ryder was already outside, stretching in the pale gold light, moving with an easy rhythm that made it look like the whole morning existed just for him. For a moment, I just watched, caught between annoyance and... something else.
Fine. If he could be that annoyingly serene this early, I could at least try to keep up. I grabbed my sneakers and pulled on workout clothes before I could talk myself out of it.
When I walked into the kitchen, Margot's jaw practically hit the floor.
"You're actually—"
"Don't," I warned, but her grin only widened, slow and sly, like a cat that had just discovered where the canary was hiding.
"Okay, okay," she said, but her eyes were dancing as I slipped past her and headed outside.
Ryder's grin widened when he saw me coming. "Joining me?" he called, and somehow made it sound like a dare.
"I need the exercise," I said, my words casual, though my heartbeat betrayed me.
We started running together, and to my surprise, it was... fun. Really fun. Ryder had always been a good coach—steady, observant, never pushing too hard, never saying too much, but running with him now didn't feel like a lesson. It felt like a rhythm, like we were syncing step by step, breath by breath, sharing some unspoken joke only we understood.
"You're fast," he said after a while, glancing over with a grin.
"You're just slow," I shot back, even though I was already breathing hard.
"Oh, I see," he said, feigning deep offense. "First run together and you're already trash-talking your trainer."
I smirked, a little smug. "Guess I'm a natural."
He huffed a laugh, shook his head, and picked up the pace just enough to make me work for it. "Careful, rookie. I can still leave you in the dust."
"You wouldn't dare," I said, narrowing my eyes.
He glanced at me with that familiar, quiet smirk. "Hey, don't make me look bad in front of the tree."
I laughed, the sound breaking some of the tightness in my chest, and slowed in the middle of the path, my breaths coming fast and uneven.
"You're... different, Ryder," I said, almost breathless, my words fumbling over each other.
He raised an eyebrow, curious but calm. "Different how?"
I swallowed, trying to find the right way to explain it. "I don't know... you are funnier, softer, ...lighter. It's hard to put into words."
He smiled and said, "Maybe it's because I'm not constantly on guard anymore, always bracing for the next thing to hit me, sometimes literally. Maybe it's because a weight has finally been lifted, or maybe... it's just that I can finally breathe. I can finally be myself with you, without fear, without the brokenness I've carried for so long, and for the first time, I feel like I actually have the chance to apologize... to make amends... to rebuild what I broke."
We went back to running, then I stopped, "I can't do this, Ryder."
He stopped too, turning toward me. "Do what?"
"This," I said, gesturing helplessly between us, my fingers twitching like they couldn't decide whether to reach for him or push him away. "Whatever this is. I know you're sorry. I know you want me back—" My throat tightened, forcing me to take a breath. "And I am sorry too, for what happened to you. Truly. But I'm just... not sold on this whole 'suddenly in love with me' thing."
His brow furrowed. "Suddenly?"
" You... You called me adorable when I confessed I loved you. You let Mira say—" My voice cracked. "I can't just erase those moments. I'm terrified, Ryder. Not just of getting my heart broken again. Of losing all of me. Terrified if I believe it, if I let myself believe you mean it, I'll just get wrecked all over again.""
His face softened, pain flickering across it.
"I know," he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I hurt you. I'll regret it every single day of my life. But my feelings... they were never sudden. They've always been there, buried behind walls of fear and danger. I don't expect anything from you. You don't owe me a thing, Dec. Just... let me be there for you in any way, and if you ever want me out of your life completely, just say the word. I'll go. For now... can you just let me be your friend?"
Tears stung my eyes. I didn't say yes. I didn't say no. I just started running again.
And he followed.
