“You did? Why?”
“Because I worried that you might indulge in intimacy as a means to escape what was happening around you. You might consider using sex as a comfort.”
Fuck. That was pretty much what I’d said earlier too. “So, when I said what I said…”
“Dax knew he’d misread your consent and took advantage of his position as…what is it you called him? Harrison’s Hero?”
“That’s not what happened at all!”
Aiden raises his brow in challenge.
Yes, okay, I gave myself permission to enjoy Dax’s attentions because it was a nice distraction but it wasn’t all escape. I’m attracted to Dax. I have been since I first saw him. I was fully aware of what I was doing and my consent was legitimate.
But I’m also attracted to Aiden. His kiss still curls my toes when I think about it and if I focus, I can feel the pressure and heat of his lips. Do I have any right to want Dax when I want Aiden too? Should we even be having this discussion when Aiden asked me not to discount him and within hours I was in bed with Dax?
Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not really ready for anything. Maybe I’m seeking solace or affection because I’ve lost everything I hold dear?
“Why are you defending him? I thought you were interested…have you given up on…God, how do I even…”
“I’m defending Dax because he’s worth defending and you obviously care about him. Have I given up on pursuing you because of that—no.”
“But you can’t have it both ways. I can’t be Dax’s and yours…”
“You are your own person. You can share who you are with whomever you please. Just Dax, just me, Dax and me, others…whomever and however many people you want. You deserve to be loved and cared for. Who says you have to settle on one person? Take all the affection. You’ve gone without it for so long you deserve to be surrounded by it.”
“But people will…”
“People will crucify you for anything they like. If they’re inclined to hate you then they’ll find even the smallest, most insignificant thing and throw it in your face.”
“But this isn’t small or insignificant…”
“No, but if you own it—if you choose it willingly—it can’t hurt you.”
“You want me to choose this?”
“I’m suggesting an option. Firstly, we need to fix whatever misconceptions have grown between you and Dax. And then you need to make sure we’re what you want and that you’re not just choosing us because we’re your lifelines.”
“And if it’s not a misconception?” I ask, my eyes trained upon the floor beneath my feet. Aiden glides from the chair to my side in an instant, lifting my face to look up at his. He presses a kiss against my forehead.
“Oh, sweet little Tiger. It’s most certainly a misunderstanding.” His hand strokes my hair back from my face. “Trust me on that.”
“Okay.” I still have my doubts but even by my own admission I wasn’t looking for something serious. So, even if his entire world revolved around a dead girl that no living person could match up to, that was okay. I wasn’t asking to be his world. Just a small part of it for a short time. I judged and weighed him by forever-after when all I could offer was right now.
And Aiden makes it sound like there is much more to Dax’s story than I know.
Aiden falls back onto the bed, his hands behind his head and watches me. When I don’t move, he pats the space beside him. I lay back slowly and stare at the ceiling despite feeling his eyes watching the side of my face. We stay silent until the newness between us becomes comfortable. My shoulders sink into the mattress and I lift my feet up and press them to the bed too.
Aiden rolls onto his side to face me. When I risk a glance in his direction, he just smiles and gestures for me to roll over. I’m barely all the way over before his arm reaches out and yanks me into his body. His chin tucked into my shoulder.
“Much better,” he mumbles as he pulls his legs up and underneath mine until we’re officially spooning. I’ve never been in this position with anyone other than the kids where I was the big spoon keeping the nightmares at bay.
It feels…nice. Special. For once, I’m the one being protected. Does he realise, or is he just seeking a snuggle partner? If he realises, he doesn’t draw any attention to it. It’s another long moment before I’m able to relax again but as soon as I do, Aiden rewards me with a gentle kiss to my neck.
I should probably just sleep. The man must be exhausted after hauling my family to who-knows-where but something he said tickles at the edge of my mind.
He said they were lifelines. He wanted me to be sure I wasn’t‘just choosing us because we’re your lifelines.’He’s right. I need to be sure because if I want to be respected then I need to offer them that same respect too. But how do I know if I’m just using them to feel better about myself and my situation?
I take a deep breath. “About that lifelines thing.”
