Aiden gives me all the time I need and more. The chill of night settles into my bones before I move, turning off the heater and the lights before descending the stairs and into the warmth of Aiden’s home. Surprising really, that the place he barely lives in has more welcoming comfort than the home I grew up in.
“Cocoa?” Aiden asks as my foot touches the wooden floor.
“Sounds lovely. Yes, please.”
“There’s a remote on the table by the sofa. Pick any film or show you want to watch. I’ll be over in a moment.”
The remote is unmissable as it’s the only thing on the coffee table. I hit the power button, and the damned wall lights up. I’m not even sure how I didn’t notice before, but there’s no TV. A projector screen descends from the ceiling, covering the shelves of collectibles clinging to the walls. Music pours into the room as though there’s an orchestra and people whispering over my shoulder. Surroundsound, I guess. We never had anything quite so technical at Eric’s. Despite his obsession with the TV and old movies, he never invested in his own hobbies, nor bought things to improve our home. What was the point when it’d only get broken?
“Did you find something?” Aiden asks, sneaking up behind me and lowering a bowl of popcorn onto the coffee table. He’s changed out of his formal wear and into—fuck me—grey sweatpants and a tight white tee.Shoot me now. I can’t think, no matter sit here all normal-like and watch a damn movie. I keep reminding myself that I’ve seen this man naked, but somehow my libido doesn’t think that counts.
“Uh.”
“Nothing takes your fancy?”
You. “I’m not exactly a film buff. I didn’t get much opportunity.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think. Do want me to pick something?”
“Uh yeah. Nothing too…umm…dark.”
“Got it. Here, sit. Get comfy.”
“I think I’m a little overdressed for comfy.”
“Right, yes, I did think of that. I’ve left a t-shirt and a pair of shorts on the guest bed. They were for pyjamas, but you can wear them now if you want to get cosy.” He directs me toward a pair of doors under the mezzanine.
“Thanks, I’ll be a moment.”
“Bathroom is on the right. Guest bedroom on the left. Help yourself to anything you need.”
I take his hospitality and skip to the bedroom to find the clothes, then dart to the bathroom to refresh myself. Pee, wash, finger-scrub-teeth, get changed. I make a mental note, repeating each item until it’s done and I can tick it off my list.
The mirror reflects how eager I am. There’s a light of excitement and anticipation in my eyes, and sure, there are nerves vibrating beneath the surface too. Anxiety is always there, but I’m hopeful, and that keeps all the other shit at bay.
Five deep breaths and I swing open the door to find Aiden stretched out along the corner section of the sofa. He grins and pats the cushion beside him. Two steaming mugs of cocoa await us on the coffee table, along with a host of other snacks that he must have made while I was cleaning up.
“Ready?”
No. Yes. I hope so.
I nod and hop onto the sofa beside him, tucking my legs up under my butt. He hits play, and colours burst across the screen. Music fills the room. I’m not seeing any of it, though I’m pretending to. Instead, his proximity is everything. The movie only serves to pinpoint Aiden’s closeness. Each tiny motion of his arm or the way he brushes his feet over each other, each movement of breath in his chest; I’m aware of it all. His breathing is my soundtrack; his little laughs, snorts, and moans lift the hair on my arms. If you asked me what we watched or who was in it, I’d never be able to tell you. Photographic memory or not. I wasn’t watching it; I was feeling us.
“Tiger.”
“What?”
“You need to relax, kitty cat.”
“I am relaxed.”
“Your cocoa went cold and untouched.”
“Not thirsty.”
“Popcorn?”
“Not hungry.”
