“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. They are gifts, but if that makes you uncomfortable, you can add it to your running total.” He smiles softly, and I can tell he doesn’t mean it, but he wants me to be okay with accepting his gift, even if that means letting me be stubborn. “Did Aiden already tell you about your bank account?”
“Yes, thank you both. Aiden explained about the scholarshipand the business profits.”
“Good. If you have questions, just ask me. I’ll sit down with you and our accountant soon to explain in more detail and to introduce you both. Just to be clear. You are his client. He’ll keep your needs separate from me or Aiden, or Trevainne.”
“Thank you. I mean it.Thank you. It’s exactly what I need, and this place is perfect for studying.” I don’t mention how grateful I am to be somewhat financially independent too. Even if I don’t feel like I deserve the money they’ve funnelled my way.
“No one will disturb you, but they’re all happy to help if you need it,” Dax continues, his blush prompting him into motion. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”
He takes me to meet the legal team, whose names I’m too overwhelmed to absorb in the moment. Despite being busy, they’re friendly and approachable, and it is so foreign, it makes me even more of an outsider. Are people really like this outside of the Vale? Is this normal? I’ve studied everything from mannerisms, gait, clothing, and personal styling, to dialectical shifts via district. I made it my mission to fit in—disappear—among these people, but I never considered the possibility of being welcomed by them. I make awkward small talk, answer questions about the modules I’ve already completed and those still outstanding. I smile, though it’s strained, and thank them for making room for me in their library. None of them appear to lie; no deceptive smiles, calculating stares, or sycophantic fawning, just genuine, hard-working people.
There’s hope then? Hope that I can work my way out of the hole I was born in? I could be just like them. Accepted by them.JoslynGirard. Something else to embrace with my new start.
“You okay?”
“Hmm?”
“I lost you for a minute there.”
We’re back in Dax’s office, so it’s been more than a minute. “I think I’m digesting it all. Thank you for letting me think.”
“You keep saying that, but you should know that this is the least I can offer you.”
“I don’t need anything more.”
“Not what I meant, though I’d give you anything you wanted. I mean, I owe you so much for what you’ve given up. This is the bare minimum repayment. I owe you for a lifetime.”
“Tom’s lifetime…” I mumble, guessing at his meaning.
“Yeah, his too.” He’s quiet for a long moment, his eyes fixate on the floor at his feet. I wait him out, giving him time to think. It’s not long before I’m rewarded with his unflinching stare and a soft frown that I’m pretty sure isn’t aimed at me so much as at himself.
“I’m sorry, Jules. Truth is, I reacted like a total prick the other day. I panicked and blamed myself for Sylvie going missing and for not even realising because I was so damn obsessed with you. I blame myself for hurting you by pushing too far, then barely looking at you because I couldn’t deal with the fact you didn’t feel the same for me; for not being there with you at your interview; for the way I was all over you without even so much as an apology the second you came home safe…” I shake my head at him, but he continues, “…and I blamed myself for feeling relief, just for a moment, after realising Sylvie was missing. Relief that she was gone and no longer my responsibility. I’ve been suffocating with the guilt that grows every day since we got you caught up in our bullshit.”
“Dax, stop. Listen, I said a lot of hurtful stuff last time we were in your office,”
Suggesting he was nothing to me. ‘I’m looking for the next big thing to help me escape.’
Insinuating my interest in him was,‘self-destructive,’
Sayingwe were a mistake.‘People only apologise for mistakes.’
It’s my fault he is still carrying all of that.
I swallow the lump in my throat and choke out the words I should have said sooner. “I screwed up. I hurt you deliberately and lied about how I felt to push you away. You don’t need to apologiseto me.”
“I know…I figured out that you were distancing me too late, but I still need to say this. I looked at you in the hotel like it was your fault, but really, I’ve hated myself because it was mine.” He sucks in a sharp breath. “Aiden spoke about home being with the people he cares about. He has that right. Home is with you.”
“You don’t have to say that…you barely know me.”
“I know enough to want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me. I know I’m willing to share your love with Aiden. Fuck even with Ben.”
“Why would you even suggest…?”
Dax laughs. “Don’t think we all haven’t noticed the way he stalks you. He’s saved you on more than one occasion, and I’ve no doubt he’ll follow you to the ends of the earth…whether you want him to, it seems. So yeah, Ben too, if that is what you want.”
“I barely know what I want.”
