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I almost asked again if he was serious, but the somber expression he wore made me change my mind. Then I decided what I really wanted to ask him was where the hell did he think I was going to find thirty minutes?
“What you can do now,” he said, “is to write your top three fantasies. Just a line or two.”
“That sounds like more fun
.” I retrieved the notebook and pen.
“Good. Let me know when you finish.”
Since he wanted only a line or two and since they were my fantasies, it didn’t take me long. I put the pen down with a sigh when I finished, feeling just a little carsick from the writing.
“Are you okay?”
“Writing in the car doesn’t sit so well with my stomach, especially with the butterflies already there.” I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes.
“No more writing then. Instead, tell me your first fantasy.”
I cracked one eye open. He didn’t look like he was joking. But talking about my fantasies might take my mind off my queasy belly.
“The first one I wrote down was the one we talked about when Simon and Lynne were over. The men.”
“Ahh, yes. No way I’d forget that one.”
Me either. I hoped he set it up one day. That would be the most outlandish scene we’d ever talked about. Men watching as I pleased my Master. His strict look-but-don’t-touch rule.
“Second one?” he asked.
“That one’s easy, too. More of the consensual nonconsent.”
“Capture fantasy.”
“Yes. I didn’t write any details down, though.”
“I wouldn’t think you would. Rather takes away the surprise factor if you know when and how you’re going to be captured.”
“We haven’t done a lot of that type of play, but I always like it when we do. It’s a huge turn-on.”
I liked role play where it was like he’d kidnapped me. Maybe he’d make me his sex slave and I had to do anything and everything he wanted. Before I could explore that particular fantasy in my head, he asked, “Third?”
“I liked this one,” I said.
“Interesting. I would have thought you liked all of them,” he teased.
I swatted his arm. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes. Sorry to interrupt. You were saying?”
“Three was an interrogation.”
“That does sound like fun,” he said. “I could do a lot with that.”
“In my mind, I’m bound in a dark room. All my clothes are on, but as I give you answers to your questions, every time I give the wrong answer or one you don’t like, you cut away an article of clothing.”
“I think all three of these are tied for best fantasy in my head.”
“Mine, too. In three, you finally have me naked and I’m still all tied up and you give me another question. I refuse to answer it, so you make me take you orally. You’re rough, but it’s turning me on and I’m almost choking on your cock.” I glanced out of the corner of my eye. “It’s not exactly like breath play.” That was a hard limit for him. “But close enough, don’t you think?”
“Yes, pretty close. I’d have to think about it, though.” He squeezed my knee with his right hand. “I won’t do anything that could potentially harm you or cause serious health issues.”
“But a little cock gagging?”
“Would probably turn me on immensely.”
We pulled into the parking deck across from his office. I hadn’t realized the time had gone by so quickly. Because he liked getting to work rather early, we were one of the few cars in the deck.
I looked at my watch. Still three hours until my meeting. I decided I’d either stay in Nathaniel’s office or go shopping or something.
“Are you coming up with me?” he asked.
“For a few minutes,” I said. “I was thinking I’d head down to the coffee shop in a little bit. Not sure I’ll get any coffee, though. My stomach is all queasy again.”
He walked around to my side of the car and helped me out. “Abby,” he said, taking my hand. “You’re an intelligent, hardworking woman. Don’t let nerves get the best of you—you’re too good for that.”
“Thank you,” I said. “It’s just hard sometimes. I haven’t done this in a long time.”
He kissed my hand. “You’re going to do great.”
I spent about an hour in his office, talking. He had a few ideas for the fund-raiser he wanted to run past me and I gave him my thoughts. The location we’d used in previous years wasn’t available this year and he had to find a new one.
“I have got to find someone to take over running this,” he said, meaning the entire nonprofit, not just the fund-raiser.
“You’ve been saying that for years.”
“I know,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “But I really mean it this time.”
I just laughed. It was his pet project and he’d have a hard time passing the reins over to someone else. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“Watch me,” he said, and I had a feeling he might be serious this time.
He stood up. “I have a meeting I need to attend. Are you going to stay here or go out?”
“I think I’ll go out. Maybe grab a cup of coffee?”
“Let me know how it goes.” He kissed me softly on the lips. “You’re going to blow them away.”
“I hope so.”
After he left, I told his admin good-bye and I walked to a local coffee shop to pass the time. The place held quite a bit of history for me. Years ago, Nathaniel had met me here after I walked out on him. It was in this shop, in a back corner booth, that he confessed everything to me and I decided to take him back.
I took out a paperback I’d brought, but after reading the same page over and over, I gave up and put it away. One of the waitresses stopped by my table and asked if I’d like a refill. I drank half the cup before picking up my pen to write.
Nathaniel had told me I couldn’t start on his assignment until I’d meditated, so I couldn’t work on that. The suggested pieces Meagan asked for were complete. I tapped my pen against the table before I took my third fantasy and wrote about it in more detail.
The scene was so vivid, it was as if the bustling shop around me disappeared while I wrote the interrogation. Interestingly enough, I found I wasn’t able to write the part I’d described to him about gagging on his cock.
Why? I wrote.
I thought about the question. Why could I write the entire scene, but not that part? It couldn’t be because we hadn’t done it. I’d written and fantasized about a lot of things we hadn’t done. That was one of the points of a fantasy, wasn’t it?
I wrote a few paragraphs about fantasies. The freedom they gave us. The flexibility. But none of that helped me answer my question, so I stopped and made a note that I could add more information and use it for a blog post.
Maybe, I thought, my inability to picture that part of my fantasy had little to do with me and more to do with him. I jotted down why that could be: his hard limit on breath play, fear that he would hurt me, and my uncertainty about what he would do. Nathaniel was too real and I knew him too well to even fantasize about him doing something he considered a hard limit.
Spurred on by my possible revelation, I starting writing down things I knew about him. A few things I noted were just words: strength, passion, and caring. Others were sentences: he doesn’t complain when I buy cheap artwork from antique stores simply because I like the shade of blue the artist used, and he knows how to make the best hot chocolate. By the time I lifted up my head to glance at the time, I had completed three pages. I giggled, picturing him rolling his eyes if he came across my list. I folded the pages together and closed the notebook. I needed to leave in a few minutes.
My phone vibrated with an incoming text and I smiled when I saw it was from Nathaniel.
