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riday night after the kids were in bed. Henry was on a new antibiotic and had slept well the last few nights and we were hopeful it would continue. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous about how the coming discussion was going to go. Like he’d asked, I’d spent the week thinking about what I wanted, trying not to let what I thought he wanted influence my ideas.
That in and of itself was tough. As a submissive, his wants had always been one of the main things I took into consideration before making any decision. But I’d put that thinking aside and researched and talked to Christine. After all that, I’d sat down and wrote out a list of what I wanted, what I could live with, and what I wanted no part of.
Taking my list, I came up with a plan for what I thought our new schedule should look like. On Friday morning, I went through it one last time and wrote it out in my journal.
He waited for me on one of the couches. He was dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt, and sat with a leg crossed over his knee. It really wasn’t fair he looked so relaxed with me feeling like a ball of nerves.
“Abby,” he said, greeting me by the name he used during the week to let me know we weren’t going to be formal or in our roles for the discussion. “Have a seat. I see you’ve brought your journal. Have you given my request some thought?”
“Yes,” I said, sitting down beside him. “But there’s one thing I have to know before we start.”
It was a question that had danced through my mind at odd times throughout the last week. One that on the surface didn’t seem important, but as the week went on, it bothered me more and more.
“What would that be?” he asked.
“Why the sudden change?” I asked. “I mean, I don’t ask to be difficult or anything. I’m just wanting to understand why the increased need for dominance now?”
“I’ll let you follow my thinking,” he said. “When was it you first noticed a change in my behavior or saw an increase in my demands?”
Good question. When had it been? I thought back. “It was right before I was offered the position at WNN.” I squinted, trying to nail it down. “Matter of fact, the big change came after I accepted. And picked up when I became successful.” It wasn’t until my post became so popular, following that dreadful night at the BDSM club, that he suggested we play for a week. Were the two linked?
“Right,” he said. “What does that tell you?”
“That you became more demanding after I became successful? On the surface it makes you sound like an ass, but I know that wasn’t your intent.”
“I thank you for being truthful,” he said with a smile. “That tells me you’re serious about this and gave it a lot of thought. If you didn’t say it made me sound like an ass, I’d be worried.”
“But since you didn’t do it because you’re an ass, you must have had another reason.”
“I did. Can you remember how you felt those first few weeks after the job offer when you weren’t wearing my collar? How you functioned and your mental well-being?”
I remembered precisely how I felt. “I was frazzled and stressed and didn’t function well at all.”
“Right,” he said with what looked like a half smile. “And when you wore my collar?”
I saw his thinking almost immediately. “With the exception of the issues I had with Charlene, I felt peaceful and at ease and everything felt more manageable.”
“There you go.”
I looked at him in shock. “You became more demanding because I took a job?”
“In part. As you became more successful and your responsibilities increased, your need to be dominated increased.”
I’d have to think about that a little. “Because I’m a submissive?”
“It’s the way you’re made. You need the dominance, especially in the bedroom. Your increase in position in the professional world only made that need grow.”
“Which is why you pushed me so hard while we were in Delaware.”
“Yes, you needed your limits tested. Pushed.”
I tucked my legs underneath me and curled up on the couch. “That’s quite a statement. I’ll have to think about it a bit more.”
“Of course,” he said. “You should always look into what I think and form your own opinions.”
Silence followed for a few seconds. Whether or not I believed his assessment of my need for dominance, I still wanted to discuss my journal.
“I jotted down my thoughts on how to increase our playtime.”
“Is that something you still want to pursue? Even before you make up your mind on my beliefs about your need for dominance?”
I picked up my journal and opened it to the spot I’d been working on. “Yes, I still want to increase our time. I’d decided I wanted it before you gave me your reasons. Nothing you said changed my mind.”
“You make me proud, Abby.”
Hearing those words, the despair over the angst of the last few weeks began to ease. We weren’t back to where we were, but perhaps we were on our way to a better place.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Come here.” He pulled me close and draped his arm around my shoulder. “Tell me what you have in mind.”
“I still don’t want to wear your collar twenty-four/seven.”
“Agreed.”
“But I would like to go back to wearing it every weekend. It’ll be somewhat of a challenge with the kids, but we can work it out.”
“I’m not opposed to that, but we’ll have to do something about Henry and Elizabeth. I don’t want you to call me ‘Master’ where they can hear.”
“I agree. I thought about that a lot. We need to manage their sleeping time more carefully. We can get a baby monitor for our room, and then lock the door. If they wake up, we’ll hear them and can stop our play so we can go to them if need be.”
Nathaniel nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“And I’ve also been thinking. Henry is getting so active already, we might want to start him in preschool earlier than we did Elizabeth. I found a half-day school for two-year-olds nearby. That might be perfect for him. And if you can arrange to have some mornings at home, it would give us a lot more time soon.”
“Yes, I think I could arrange that. Especially now that I have Charlene taking over the nonprofit.”
I met his gaze, and had to smile.
He smiled too.
Encouraged, I went on. “I also think it’d be a good idea if we had some sort of signal we could give each other if we wanted to play during the week.”
He grinned at that one. “Been talking to Christine?”
Paul’s wife had been invaluable. “Yes, I thought it’d be a good idea to get the input of someone who’s been in the same situation I’m in.”
“I would expect nothing less and it’s a great idea. What do Paul and Christine use as a signal?”
“If he wants to play, he’ll put her collar on her nightstand. If she accepts, and he expects her to unless she has a good reason not to, she’ll bring the collar to him so he can put it on her.”
“And if she decides she wants to play?”
“She’ll approach him, kneel and ask to wear his collar. She said most of the time he’d agree, but sometimes she thinks he says no just because he can.”
He laughed. “I’m sure he does; that sounds like Paul.”
“Do you think those things will work for us?”
“The collar and kneeling?” At my nod, he consented. “Yes, I think we can go ahead and incorporate those into our weekday lives.”
We spoke a bit more about the finer details, agreed that we’d discuss how we each thought things were going on a regular basis, and decided that we should each redo our checklists about our preferences and hard limits.
When we were talked out, I took his hand and stroked his palm. “I’m looking forward to our new schedule.”
“Me, too,” he said. “But I want you to know that if for any
