“Could what?”
“I could stay. If you would just ask me, Seth. I’d stay.”
“For how long?” he snapped.
“For as long as you want me to.”
“Ryan, you just think you want to stay. Even if I asked you to stay, a day would come when you’d go, and we both know it.”
“I don’t know it! I would stay with you for as long as you want, Seth.”
“As long as I want. It’s not me who makes that decision, Ryan. It’s you. Your life is in California. Mine is here.” He pushed awayfrom the counter, strode toward her, then stopped within a foot of her.
“I don’t want you to stay,” he growled. “Not when I know you’ll eventually leave.”
“My life could be in Montana too. All you have to do is ask me to stay.” She blinked back tears, but one escaped down her cheek.
Seth shook his head. “I willnotask you to stay. You just don’t fucking get it. I was something different for you, it wasn’t serious. Not on your part. You just wanted a cowboy. I am not your type at all.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “You should have taken that earlier flight.”
“Seth—”
“You forget that I’ve been here before. Some city girl thinks she’s ready to move to Montana, find a cowboy, and then she realizes that it’s nothing like she thought it would be, and neither is he.” Seth sighed. “You’d hate it here.”
“No, I wouldn’t because you’re here,” Ryan’s voice softened, her eyes searching his face for any sign of yielding.
Seth shook his head, his dark hair falling across his forehead. “I’m not willing to have you stay when I know damn well you’d end up leaving,” he snarled, then walked to the door, his boots heavy against the wooden floor. He yanked it open and motioned for her to leave with a sharp jerk of his head.
Ryan followed him, her heart hammering against her ribs. She reached past him, catching the scent of his aftershave, and shoved the door closed with enough force to rattle the window.
“I think we’ve been here before,” she said, planting her trembling hands on her hips, her knuckles white with tension.
“Yes, and just like the last time, you shut the door thinking we had something to straighten out. We don’t.” His voice dropped to a dangerous whisper that slithered down her spine. “It wasbad enough when I thought you left earlier, but here you are. You don’t belong here.”
“I do! I belong with you,” she shouted, her voice cracking on the last word.
“For how fucking long, Ryan? Until you decide this is not the life you wanted after all? Then you leave and break my heart... again.” He ran his fingers through his dark hair.
“Seth—”
“I should never have touched you. I knew you’d be too easy to fall for and no matter how you...thinkyou feel about me, this isn’t the place for you.” His jaw clenched, a muscle twitching beneath two-day stubble.
“I know how I feel. There’s nothinkingabout it!” Her fingernails dug crescents into her palms.
“Just go, Ryan. Just fucking go.” He yanked the door open, and motioned for her to leave, his arm rigid as iron as he held it open.
She stared at him as hot tears carved paths down her flushed cheeks, catching on her lips with their salt. She knew by the glacial look in his once-warm eyes that he wasn’t going to give in.
“I’m not saying goodbye to you, Seth, but I will say this, I love you. I always will.” She stared at him to see him place his hands on his hips and hang his head. He didn’t say anything, refusing to look at her.
Shaking her head, she walked out of the door, and when it slammed behind her with a finality, she ran down the steps, looked toward the barn to see Cull, Red, Micky, Spurs, Ringo, and Buck standing in the doorway. She shook her head, opened the door, slid into her SUV and drove away, tires spitting gravel. Glancing into the rearview mirror, she saw the men enter the barn and she couldn’t wait to get back to the solitude of the cabin and have a good, long, ugly cry.
****
Later, Seth sank into his recliner, the chair exhaling beneath his weight as he pushed the footrest up with a mechanical groan. He stared into the empty stone hearth for hours. “Damn you for not leaving,” he muttered, his voice rough in the silent house. He shook his head, the motion slow and heavy. He’d been repeating that mantra since Ryan’s taillights disappeared down his driveway this morning.
Was any of this worth it if he had no one to share it with? No wife’s laughter echoing off the high ceilings, no children’s muddy boots lined up by the door after learning to ride in the south pasture. Why bother building something that would stand hollow as an abandoned silo without Ryan beside him?
His fingertips brushed over his bloodshot eyes, pressing until kaleidoscope patterns bloomed behind his eyelids. He could keep training horses no matter where he lived, his hands knew the work like they knew his own heartbeat, but he’d be letting Ash down. His acreage had been one of the first that Ash had approached for growing feed, and as his friend since grade school, Seth would help him any way he could. It’s what people around here did, handshake promises were worth more than signed contracts. How could he just let all the fields go to seed when Ash depended on that yield?
